She’d finally gotten it, this faith thing that was so important to the Coopers. She hadn’t understood it when she’d been married to Blake. She hadn’t seen the need for the Sundays spent at church and then together at Cooper Creek.
Now she knew what faith meant. She knew what it meant to face the past and seek forgiveness. But she couldn’t tell Blake, because no doubt he would accuse her of using faith to manipulate him, to get what she wanted. She couldn’t blame him for thinking the worst of her.
“What happened?” Blake’s deep, husky voice broke the silence.
She glanced at him, at the strong profile she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. The first time she’d laid eyes on him, he’d looked like a model for a Western wear catalog. He’d been about to get in his truck, all cowboy from his hat to his boots. She’d been trying to start her car and couldn’t. He’d come to her rescue. She’d never known a man like him, a man who wore masculinity the way some men wore cologne. It had been natural to him, to be strong.
“Jana?” He glanced her way, his mouth in a tight line.
“I’m sorry. I was thinking.”
“Maybe you could tell me about Lindsey?”
“Her kidneys started to fail. The doctors call it Chronic Kidney Disease caused by a birth defect in her kidneys. She was weak, tired all of the time.”
“Why wouldn’t we have known that years ago?”
“Because she was young. Her kidneys managed while she was small. As she got older, her kidneys had to work harder and they couldn’t keep up.”
“What’s the prognosis?”
“With a transplant, good. There will be challenges, of course.”
“Okay, we’ll get her a kidney.”
Jana shook her head at his belief that it would be so simple. He didn’t get it. They were here because she’d been on a donor list. They tried hospitals in Europe. They’d been fighting this battle for a while.
“Blake, it isn’t that easy.”
He clenched and unclenched the steering wheel, and she knew he was working through his anger. And his concern for their daughter.
“Is she on a list, and is she in a hospital that can do this type of surgery?”
“She is on a list, and this hospital has been doing kidney transplants for a decade. But the best donor is a living donor. A parent or a close relative is best.”
“So we’ll find a donor.”
She nodded because she hoped they would. And she hoped his confidence would rub off on her.
“How is she right now?” he asked after they’d been driving awhile.
“She’s getting stronger. Since we got here they’ve put her on dialysis to get her body healthier in preparation for the transplant.”
“I need to know what you’re thinking.” He briefly looked her way and then refocused on the road.
“I guess my first thought is that we need to get our daughter better.”
He let out a deep sigh. “I won’t let you leave with her, Jana. I can’t do that again.”
“I know.” She shuddered at the coldness in his tone. He had every right to be angry. She’d known when she boarded that plane back to the U.S. that she would face his anger. She had known that returning could mean any number of things. But for Lindsey, she’d been willing to risk it.
“I want to know my daughter.” He took off his hat and tossed it in the backseat of the car and brushed a hand through his dark hair, now touched with silver at the temples. “Jana, do you realize that something could have happened and I wouldn’t have seen her again.”
She heard the break in his voice. “I know, Blake. I’m here because I know she needs you. I know I’ve hurt you all, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that right. But please...”
“Please what?”
“Don’t take her from me. I know you could probably have me arrested.”
“I never pressed charges, Jana. It’s hard to go that route when there wasn’t a custody hearing. And I also didn’t want the fear of being arrested to keep you from coming back with her.”
“But you have the ability to take her.”
“I don’t want to discuss that right now.”
She nodded in agreement, her heart slowly returning to normal. For now she could relax. She knew Blake, knew that they would handle one problem at a time. And the most important thing was their daughter’s health.
“Thank you.”
“Does she have any idea that she has family here?”
“Yes. I told her she has family in Oklahoma who can help us.”
“Did you ever tell her that she has a dad who loves her? That she has a family who misses her?”
“Not until recently.” She brushed a hand across her eyes. “I think she knew. She would question me sometimes, like she had some memories of being here.”
“I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” Blake ground out the words. Jana shivered and hugged herself tight, wishing that she could take back every last moment of the ten years they’d been apart. She wished she could undo what she’d done to all of them.
Eventually she would explain to him what had happened to her. Now wasn’t the time. The car zoomed along the highway. Jana looked out at passing fields, searching for the right words to make this situation better.
“I hope someday you’ll forgive me, Blake. And I hope Lindsey will forgive me.” She sighed and allowed herself to look at him.
“I can forgive you, Jana. I’ve had a lot of years to work on forgiveness. I can’t say that I’ll ever trust you again. And I definitely won’t let you leave the country with her.”
“Understood.”
“I’ll have her passport frozen.”
“I know. Blake, I’m here. I know it will take you time to trust me, but I’m not leaving with her. If we can help her...” She covered her face with her hands as the tears unleashed again. “If...”
“Not if.” His tone softened and she felt a handkerchief being pushed into her hand. “We’ll get her through this.”
“I’m praying you’re right.”
“Oh, you pray now? I guess...” He stopped, sighed. “I think we’ll both have to do a lot of praying.”
“I want you to know her, Blake. I want to stay here so that you can build a relationship with her.” Life, she realized, was precious. Her daughter deserved a relationship with Blake. With all of the Coopers.
“So, after nearly eleven years, I’ll get weekends and maybe a couple of weeks in the summer?”
“Can you give me a chance?” She wiped at her eyes with the handkerchief. “Don’t expect me to know every step we’ll take from here. I want you to have a relationship with Lindsey. It’s important. Life is too fragile to go on like this.”
“You can stay in the guesthouse at the main ranch.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “And just give her time. She doesn’t know you. And before you say anything, I know that’s my fault. But please, give her time to know you, to know your family.”
They drove on in silence. Soon they were driving through the crowded, rush hour streets of Tulsa, headed