He grabbed the merger file from the dresser, opened the sliding glass door, and stepped out onto his veranda that overlooked Lake Washington. Sinking into the chaise lounge, he stretched out his lanky legs and propped his feet on the iron railing. Business magazines were strewn on the porch. He felt useless, weary at thirty-nine, empty inside. With a sigh, he carelessly dropped the merger file on the floor.
Even from where he sat, an eddy—a violent little whirlpool—swirled, spinning out of sync with the rest of the lake. It was headed nowhere, with nothing but dark churning depths beneath it. His life had been on replay all day, one scene after the other, hitting him full force and then dropping into the bitter pools of memory. It hadn’t been this intense lately, but he guessed the upcoming anniversary of Adrian’s death had much to do with his mood.
He heard his brother’s footsteps coming through the veranda door. “Figured you’d be here. I just let myself in,” Nick said.
Nick slid a porch chair over beside Allen and dropped into it. “Thought you had company, big brother. Guess you were just talking to yourself.”
“When did you get back, Niko?”
“On the morning flight. Nonstop straight from L.A.—haven’t even checked in with the wife and kids yet.”
“You never make them top priority. You did travel alone?”
“Scout’s honor. Strictly business.”
“Did Fabian give an excuse for the misfired missile?” Allen saw his brother’s crafty eyes shift. “You didn’t step out of line, did you, Nick? The agreement with Fabian was to wait.”
“What’s done is done. McCormick blamed it on one of his vice-presidents. And Davenport swears the air force blew it.” He met Allen’s gaze for a second. “Allen, one of the first things you better do when the merger goes through is get rid of Davenport.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“What’s wrong is he’s a woman. Powerful, from what I gather. Her job should go, once we merge. Mark my words.”
“That’s my decision. McCormick we keep for a time. The next five names on their management team go. Straight off the top. That saves millions right off.”
“Good. The top five snares Davenport. She won’t like that.”
“A personal problem, Niko?”
“We had a few words about the missile going off.”
“Your problem. But if I find you had anything to do with firing that missile, Niko, you’re on your way out, too. But don’t worry, I’ll give you a good retirement settlement.”
Nick frowned. “I hate the way you play with my life. Allen, you have everything. Give me a chance.”
“I’ve lost everything that was important to me.”
“You’re still running Larhaven Aircraft.”
“Just keep that in mind. And, Nick, I’ve decided to take that Wednesday meeting with the Board of Directors at Fabian.”
“I tell you, Allen, I can handle it. Aren’t you worried about clashing with Eddie McCormick?”
“No. He works with us or he bows out gracefully.”
“Why don’t you do the same, Allen? Take a leave of absence?”
“And put you in charge? You’re not ready for the job.”
Nick glanced morosely out on the lake. “I can handle it.”
“Not the way I do.”
Nick—dependable? Somehow he had always managed to slip into class as the bell rang, or to arrive at the table by the time their father finished his perfunctory prayer. But trust Nick to run the business or make major decisions? Not good.
“I’m going to see this merger through, Nick. Larhaven still has a good reputation. Let’s keep it that way.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t take over until I’m dead. That’s a promise I made to Mother. And with just three years between us, I’m apt to be around making decisions for a long time.”
“We never know when our time will be up, Allen. Look at Adrian.”
“We’re not talking about my wife,” he retorted.
For a few minutes silence hung between them like a dark cloud. Then Nick said, “Be glad you didn’t have kids, Allen.”
“I’d still have something of Adrian in my life then.”
“It’s not that Fran and I don’t feel sorry for you—”
“I don’t want your pity.”
“That’s why we haven’t given it I think my wife is right You can’t go on mourning. Get out. Go on a date. Make yourself available.” He tented his fingers. “Life goes on. Get on with your own.”
“I suppose you have someone in mind?”
“What about one of the gals at Larhaven?”
Allen had already gone that route. He saw no need to tell Nick that he had dated twice since Adrian’s death—both times a total fiasco, a botched evening, a wipeout One was with his attorney’s attractive new assistant While dropping off a file he had asked for, she boldly suggested having dinner together that evening. The other foolhardy venture was with a divorcee living in the condo above his. They had been picking up their mail at the same time. In the midst of inconsequential chatter, the girl fessed up to an empty fridge and a growing hunger.
Through both dates, his wife’s name seemed to worm its way into the conversation, and he knew that the evening was falling flat All he could do was to pick up the tab—hefty on both occasions—and to offer his date a safe ride home. One elected to go alone by taxi, and his neighbor rode in silence back to their building.
No, it just wasn’t the time yet to think seriously about a new relationship. He was still sorting out Adrian’s loss, trying to adjust to an empty condo and the terrible ache in his chest that wouldn’t go away. It wasn’t that he would never marry again. To the contrary, he longed for companionship, needed it and knew deep down that he was not intended to live alone, that he was capable of another commitment. But not yet, not when he would still compare any other woman—no matter how lovely—to Adrian.
But he was ready to do battle with Nick because the subject had come up again. He didn’t need the advice of his younger brothers about his social life or lack of one.
“No dating, Nick. Not yet.”
“My wife has friends looking for an eligible bachelor.”
“I’m not a bachelor. I’m a widower.”
“You can’t let this drag on forever. Adrian wouldn’t want you to. With your mood swings, you’ll mess up the merger.”
“There was only one woman for me, Niko.”
Nick cocked his head, a touch of mockery in his gaze. “What about that romance of yours back when you were wet behind the ears? The one Dad got all fired up about? Doesn’t that count?”
This time the frown was Allen’s. “Maureen?”
Maureen. The sun reflected off the lake, a gentle breeze blowing across the water carrying him back twenty years in time. He could see her face, her beauty, her youth. He could even remember the curve of her mouth, the cut of her chin, the softness of her skin. And those wide violet-blue eyes had blown him away. For just a flash he felt that same searing pain that he had experienced when he went on shore leave, back to her hometown to find her. She was gone. Gone without a trace.
“Her name—it was Maureen Birkland,