“Yes,” she whispered, tugging his hand.
He dropped a feather-light kiss to her lips. “Are you sure?”
She tucked in tight against him, nuzzled her mouth to the tender spot between his shoulder and neck, before taking his hand and leading him to the stairs.
No, she wasn’t sure. Showing her body to a man again had been something she’d feared since her operation. All she knew was that she wanted to be with this man, right now, more than anything else in the world.
And that meant swallowing her fears and taking a big step forward. Maybe he wouldn’t notice the difference? she found herself wishing …
Ryan felt as if his whole body was on fire. He wanted this woman like he’d never wanted a woman ever before.
And he was too weak to do what he most wanted. To scoop her up into his arms and carry her to her bed, to make her feel light and wanted in his embrace. He hated not having the strength in his arm, but then if he hadn’t been injured he wouldn’t be here right now. And he knew where he’d rather be, given the choice.
But even though he couldn’t lift her like he wanted to, he could enjoy the weight of her hand in his and the promise in her eyes as she sent a shy glance back over her shoulder at him.
He’d never been nervous before, not with a woman, not like this. But it had been a long time since … He tightened his jaw and pushed the thoughts away. Now was not the time to think about the past.
The problem with Jessica was that she wasn’t just another girl. A one-night stand. He hadn’t been with a woman he felt this serious about since his wife.
She was rather like his wife—not physically, but the same type of woman. He didn’t want to hurt her in any way, do anything that might compromise what they had. Because she meant too much to him. But right now he was powerless to stop what was about to happen, and it was too late to start thinking about why this was a bad idea. He was the one who’d started it, and he certainly wasn’t going to not follow through.
Jessica stopped at what he presumed was her bedroom and dropped his hand. She touched the door frame, looked over her shoulder and gave him an even shyer smile than before.
“You joining me?”
Ryan gave Jessica a brave grin back. “Yes.”
It seemed to settle her, looked like relief crossed her eyes, softening her face.
He was going to ask her again whether she was sure, whether this was what she really wanted, but then she disappeared into the room. Ryan hesitated for a moment before following her in.
Jessica was standing, waiting for him, like she didn’t know what to do. He hated seeing her look unsure, uncertain and nervous, but he knew what he could do to make her feel better. To make sure she knew how much he wanted her.
Ryan tried not to but he knew he stalked her across the room. He wrapped both arms around her, sweeping her to him, before walking her backward until her legs touched the base of the bed.
“Ryan …” His name caught in her throat, and it made him smile.
“Yes?” He arched an eyebrow before taking up on her neck again, where he’d last kissed her, letting his lips tease her skin.
She didn’t say another word.
He already had his shirt off but Jessica was fully clothed. He tipped her back and gently let her fall, before moving to cover her, to lie half above her.
She blinked and kept her eyes downcast, but he tipped her chin up and kissed her lightly on the nose then on her lips. At the same time he touched his other hand to her T-shirt, curling his fingers around it and raising it, pausing to give her the chance to say no.
Jessica responded by wriggling to rid herself of the top.
His gaze fell from her face to her skin, eyes dancing over her lacy red bra, the way her breasts filled it to almost overflowing.
“The light,” she whispered.
Ryan shook his head. “No.”
He stopped when he saw the panicked look on her face.
“Please.” Her voice held urgency, desperation.
“Okay,” he said as got up again, crossed the room and flicked off the switch. “Your call.”
It didn’t matter how much he wanted to watch her, to drink in the sight of her, he would do as she asked. He wasn’t doing anything to compromise what was happening between them.
He stopped, in the dark, letting his eyes adjust.
Before using all of his willpower not to rush across the room and pin her down to devour her, piece by piece.
Jessica felt like she was blushing all the way down to her toes.
She wanted to stop him, to tell Ryan she couldn’t go through with it, but if she told him that she’d be lying to herself.
She wanted him.
She just didn’t want to know his reaction when he realized her breasts weren’t natural.
It was the first time she’d been intimate with a man since her reconstruction, since she’d gone through her treatment, and it scared her. She hadn’t wanted him to see them bare, didn’t want to see his reaction, either, but as soon as he touched them he’d surely know. They weren’t soft and natural as they’d once been. Now there was the undisguisable firmness of silicone, and she was embarrassed about it.
Ryan’s hand skimmed her arm then trailed slowly down the edge of her breast.
She took in a deep breath. This was it. The moment she’d dreaded for almost a year.
“You’re beautiful.”
Jessica closed her eyes and tried not to cry, fighting happiness and tears at the same time. As confused as she’d ever been.
She tried not to shake her head. Thank goodness the light was off so she didn’t have to see the look on his face when he realized.
“You are. You’re more beautiful than I ever could have imagined you’d be.”
Jessica wanted to tell him she wasn’t, admit what he’d find when he took off her final layer, but she held her words in, too scared to say them out loud.
Ryan stopped, as if he were questioning her, but Jess responded by staying still, waiting for him.
She held her breath. Terrified.
When his hand touched her bra, her entire body went stiff, rigid.
She couldn’t do it.
“Stop.”
His hand hovered then fell.
“I can’t, Ryan,” she whispered, distraught.
He dropped his hands to hers, and lowered himself to rest beside her. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Jessica closed her eyes and pushed away the pain. Tried to figure out what exactly she could tell him.
“I have, well …”
He brushed the back of one hand gently across the side of her face, touching her cheek with the softness of a feather.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Jessica smiled bravely at him. She did want to, that was the problem, but she didn’t know how to deal with the embarrassment of what he was about to find.
Because even with the lights out, without being able to see, he would be able to feel. The scars were minor, the surgeon had done a great job, but the evidence was real and he would notice. There was no way not to.
She took a deep breath.
“Ryan,