If Lisa felt thankful at his words, she didn’t show it. Instead she headed for the guest bedroom next to his study.
After her footsteps had faded away, Brian turned to Carrie. “She’s going to be more than you bargained for.”
“She’s scared. Can’t you see that?”
“No, I can’t. But then she didn’t give me the opportunity to find out much about her. I have lots of questions, Carrie. What kind of baby will we be adopting? What kind of life has she led since she’s been on the streets? Is she taking drugs? Who’s the father? Does she even know?”
Carrie held up a hand to stop the barrage. “She knows who the father is. The caseworker has already contacted him and he’s given up his parental rights. There’s no evidence Lisa has taken drugs. If I can get to know her better, maybe she’ll tell me more. The bottom line is, Brian, if she gives us this child can we love him or her, no matter what, the same as we would our own child?”
“You’re asking a hell of a lot, Carrie. We could have tried in vitro again. A surrogate might even be better than this. At least she’d be screened and the child would be half mine.”
“We tried in vitro twice and it didn’t work. I can’t go through that again, Brian—the waiting, the hoping. And as far as a surrogate goes, can you only father a child that was made with your sperm? Is that what you’re saying?”
Rubbing the back of his neck, he shook his head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. There are so many unknown factors here. You made an impulsive decision based on emotion!”
“I made a decision because we want to be parents. It isn’t only Lisa’s baby. I think she has the attitude she does because she thinks we’re trying to use her, that we aren’t going to really care about her. During our interview today, I began caring about her. That’s why I asked her to stay here.”
The truth was, he felt ambushed. He felt as if Carrie had crossed some line that defined them as a couple by making this decision on her own. He knew he hadn’t completely dealt with the disappointment of not raising a child that he and Carrie had created together.
“If you want to give this girl a home for now, we’ll do that. As far as the baby goes, we don’t have to commit to this child until Lisa commits to us. By that time, maybe we’ll have more answers. I know you want her to like us. I know you want her to see us as the best couple to raise her baby. But we can’t pretend to be what we’re not, either.”
“Don’t you think we do pretend sometimes?” Carrie asked quietly.
“Pretend what?”
“Pretend to be happier than we are—at parties, with other couples, even sometimes when we’re alone.”
Her words were as shocking as a plunge into ice water. “Aren’t you happy?”
“I am, but… Since we’ve been trying to have a baby, ever since we’ve had trouble trying to have a baby, things have changed between us. Don’t you feel that?”
Changed? He hadn’t felt anything change until today. After a moment’s consideration, he responded, “I think we’ve both been on a roller-coaster and that’s taken its toll.”
“We’re still on the roller-coaster.”
His wife had never looked so troubled. Even as frustrated as he was with her at this moment, her beauty—inside and out—always got to him. “I guess we are. Somehow we’ll have to figure out how to survive the hills and dips together. Isn’t that what marriage is all about?”
“Yes, it’s just—” Giving him a slight smile she shook her head. “Never mind. I’m going to see if Lisa needs anything.”
Before Carrie could leave the room, Brian clasped her hand.
She stopped and faced him.
“I want you to be happy, Carrie. I want this all to work out.”
“I do, too. I’m afraid of what will happen to us if it doesn’t.”
And then his wife slipped from his grasp.
Brian wished he could read her mind. This adoption obviously meant everything to her. He wondered if he truly knew the reason why.
Three
On Saturday night when Brian entered the kitchen looking for Carrie, he felt a nerve in his jaw work. He immediately caught sight of her speaking to the caterer. She wore a beaded, royal-blue dress with long sleeves and a demure neckline, and he reluctantly admitted his wife had never looked more beautiful. With her hair caught at the nape of her neck in a sleek chignon, a few wavy tendrils framed her face. She’d clasped around her neck a sapphire necklace he’d given her for Christmas, and she looked…like a princess. All she needed was the tiara.
All he needed was a cold shower!
Setting aside the impulse to pull the pins from her hair and mess up her lipstick, he replaced desire with restraint. He didn’t want to need her right now. He was still angry she’d changed the whole dynamic of their lives by inviting Lisa to live with them. They hadn’t made love since before Lisa had arrived. For the past few nights, there had seemed to be an impenetrable fence down the center of their bed.
When Carrie saw him, she finished her consultation with the caterer and crossed to him.
“You’re beautiful tonight.” He couldn’t help complimenting her in spite of the tension between them.
She looked surprised for a moment. “You’re looking quite handsome yourself.”
Just standing here with Carrie now, looking at her, breathing in the classic scent of her perfume, he realized his body was completely aroused. He put the brakes on his libido. “Is everything ready?”
“Just about.”
“Where’s Lisa?”
Carrie looked worried. “She spent most of the day in her room. I made her soup and a salad for lunch.”
After a glance at the caterer, Brian took Carrie by the elbow and shepherded her into the short hallway that led to the garage. “You’re headed for disappointment if you expect anything from that girl. She’s a rebellious teenager. Her story tells you that. She’s not a stray puppy you can bring into the house, feed and pamper and who will love you unconditionally. You’re going to get hurt if you want more from her than a thank-you when she leaves. I don’t even know if she’ll give you that.” As far as he was concerned, Carrie’s soft heart had to be protected, and she needed to see the reality of the situation.
But her response told him she didn’t. “Maybe I’m more hopeful than you are. Maybe I’m hoping to form a bond with her so she can trust me. She’s been hurt, Brian, by her parents’ death, by her boyfriend walking away, by her aunt’s attitude, which seemed to tell her she was a bother.”
“You can’t perform miracles in a month.” Carrie had never before been quite so determined, quite so adamant that she could make a difference.
When Carrie took a step closer to him, there was so much longing in her dark-brown eyes, he couldn’t look away. She touched his set jaw with a caressing stroke that made fireworks shoot through his veins.
“Maybe I can’t perform miracles,” she murmured, “but I need to try.”
Her soft words crumbled his restraint. He couldn’t help but reach out and smooth his hand along the side of Carrie’s face. Her eyes became a deeper brown, and her lips parted ever so slightly. She always responded to his touch and he to hers. Drawing her to him, his lips seared hers. He held on to the passion, kept the kiss short but couldn’t resist stroking her tongue with his. Then he reluctantly released her and stepped away, hungry for her. That hunger never diminished. Yet he kept it in check, and he wasn’t sure why.
The