“I’ve always wanted to model,” Lisa said wistfully. “But now…” She folded her hands over her belly.
Carrie hoped Lisa hadn’t picked her and Brian to talk to and possibly adopt her baby simply because she was interested in Carrie’s past as a model.
“After you have your baby, you can be anything you want.”
“Don’t try to snow me,” Lisa snapped. “We both know a homeless, unwed mother isn’t going to get very far in this world.”
“Don’t be so sure. And don’t underestimate yourself.”
Lisa gave Carrie’s outfit another once-over. “You probably came from a family with plenty of money. What would you know?” she muttered.
After a few moments of debate with herself, Carrie decided to share some of her background. “My parents were on welfare when I was growing up. I know a lot about being poor, Lisa. So does my husband. I sort of fell into modeling. My mother sent my picture into a contest and my career began there. With Brian, he’s worked hard to become successful and he’s done it all on his own.”
When a long silence stretched between them, Carrie asked, “How did you become homeless?”
“I thought you’d ask how I got pregnant.” There was a wryness to Lisa’s tone.
“I think we both know how you did that. I want to know what brought you here and why you want to give up your baby.”
Lisa stood, rubbed the small of her back, went to the window and looked out into the cloudy Portland winter. A stiff January wind was blowing the branches of maples and alders on the hospital complex.
In a monotone, she explained, “My parents were killed in an accident a few years ago. The only family I had left was Aunt Edna. She lived in Seattle and that’s where they sent me.”
“You were from Portland?”
“Yeah. I grew up here, but I couldn’t stay. Our house was sold and they gave the money to my aunt to take care of me. Only she didn’t. All she cared about were her soap operas. She went to bed at nine o’clock every night and thought I should get up with her at six in the morning. I hated living there. That’s why I spent so much time with Thad. I thought he was cool. I thought he cared about me—”
Her voice broke off and Carrie felt so sorry for her.
Lisa composed herself and said bitterly, “He cared about one thing. That’s all that was ever on his mind. I thought it meant he loved me. Love didn’t have anything to do with it.”
“I’m sure he must have cared—”
Lisa cut her off. “He cared so much, he told me he’d never admit to being the father. He said he’d tell everybody that I slept around. He said he had plans to get drafted by the NFL and no girl or baby was going to change that.”
“So you ran?” Carrie guessed.
“I didn’t run, I escaped. After graduation, I came back to Portland, got a room and a job waitressing. But I had morning sickness really bad and I couldn’t work all my shifts. I couldn’t pay for the room so they kicked me out. I learned how to get along,” she insisted, her chin going up as she looked at Carrie now. “I’m eighteen and no one can tell me what to do.”
“Do you want to give your baby up or do you feel you have to?”
The question seemed to perplex the teenager. “I don’t want this kid. I don’t want it to remind me how stupid I was. I don’t want to have to take care of it twenty-four hours a day for the rest of its life.”
“You might change your mind once you see your baby.”
“I won’t change my mind. I know I’ll never get anywhere if I have to drag a kid along.”
Lisa’s words were tough, but Carrie didn’t believe the girl was that tough. She just tried to make the world think she was.
“I want to be a mother more than I want anything,” Carrie admitted.
“And I want to know my baby’s going to a good home. Why didn’t your husband come with you?”
“He had to fly to San Francisco today on business. I came to meet you.”
Thinking about holding a baby in her arms, Carrie felt her heartbeats race with one another. Before she could catch the words, they soared out of her mouth. “How would you like to come live with us until you deliver? That way, you can decide if we’re the couple you want to adopt your baby.”
Now Carrie’s stomach somersaulted. What was Brian going to say if Lisa accepted?
The grandfather clock in the foyer chimed six as Carrie added broccoli to the saucepan on the stove. Brian had insisted she have a housekeeper so she didn’t have to worry about cleaning and cooking. They’d compromised and Verna came in three days a week, leaving casseroles on her days off, making sure the house was spic-and-span when she was there. Carrie supposed she’d fought against the idea of a housekeeper because she’d been used to taking care of a household and her three sisters while her mom worked. She missed it, actually. Now she couldn’t help but smile as she started the preparation for cream of broccoli soup. She was going to fix salmon cakes to go with it.
Was she totally crazy bringing Lisa into their home?
She’d always had good instincts about people. On the outside, Lisa was defiant, sullen sometimes and looked a little wild. But Carrie’s intuition told her that the girl was sensitive and looking for a place to belong, looking for a place for her baby to belong.
When the phone rang, Carrie froze midstride to the refrigerator. Her heart raced as she hurried to pick it up.
“Summers residence,” she said, unable to keep the excitement from her voice because she suspected Brian was calling.
“Hi,” he said in that deep tone that always curled her toes. “How did the interview go?”
She swallowed hard and jumped right in. “It went great. You’ve got to understand Lisa’s background to understand her, and I think I do. And you can’t let her appearance put you off. She has two-toned hair and tattoos. But she lost her parents, she’s scared and she wants a home for her baby.”
“I’m between meetings, Carrie. We can talk about it when I come home.”
Only hesitating for a moment, she plunged ahead. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Brian. I made the decision during the interview to invite Lisa to stay with us until she has her baby.”
The complete silence that met Carrie’s announcement wasn’t broken even by cell phone static.
“You did what?”
The question was rhetorical, and she waited.
“How could you be so impulsive? How could you make a decision like this without consulting me? We don’t know this girl, Carrie. We don’t know who she is or where she’s been. She’s been living on the streets—” He stopped abruptly.
Sometimes Brian handled Carrie as if she were a piece of glass, and she wasn’t sure why. He didn’t know about the rape or the abortion or the counseling that had saved her life and her future. Yet he held back with her. He always seemed to hold back, and she guessed he was holding back angry words now.
He’d never seen how strong she could be. Maybe it was time to show him. “I know you believe my decision was impulsive. Maybe it was, but I’m going into this with my eyes open. If we can show Lisa we can be caring parents and that we’ll be the best parents for her baby, we’ll have a child. Isn’t that more important than a little inconvenience?”
She heard his sigh, and his words were filled with concern. “I’m not worried about the inconvenience. I’m being cautious. This might not turn out the way you want, and you’ll be hurt. This girl could