Mac turned into the car park. ‘I wish,’ he said quietly, choosing an empty slot to swing the vehicle into. ‘A big family was something I always dreamed of.’ He pulled on the hand brake and cut the engine.
Something inside Julia died right along with the engine.
The tiny hope that this could have been something. That they didn’t have to bury that kiss and make it go away.
It was something in Mac’s tone. A wistfulness that told her a big family was a dream that mattered a lot. Something he hadn’t had as a child but he could—and should—be able to realise it as a father.
The road that led further than that kiss could never go in that direction and she owed it to Mac not to let either of them take it further.
Not that he was showing the slightest sign of wanting to but she could have kept hoping and now she wasn’t going to. And that was good. Any potential for an emotional ride that could only end in a painful crash was being removed.
‘Come on, then.’ Julia reached for the door latch. ‘Let’s go and find Ken.’
Their spinal injury patient from the train carriage was still in the intensive care unit but he was awake and seemed delighted to see his visitors.
‘Hey, Jules! You’ve come to see me.’
‘I said I would.’ Julia’s smile was lighting up her whole face and it wasn’t just Ken who was captured by its warmth. Mac had to make an effort to look away and find something else compelling enough to compete with that smile.
‘I probably won’t need surgery.’ Ken sounded tired but quite happy to discuss his treatment with the person who’d played such a big part in his rescue.
‘That’s fantastic,’ Julia said. ‘So the doctors are happy with you?’
‘So far. They’ve warned me it’s going to be a long road to any recovery and they said we won’t know how bad things will end up being until after the spinal shock wears off, and that can take weeks.’
Julia was nodding, her face sympathetic. Then she glanced up at the wall behind his bed which was plastered with get-well cards.
‘So many cards,’ she said. ‘You’re a popular man, Ken. I reckon I’d be lucky to get two if I was lying in that bed.’
‘I doubt that.’ Ken’s tone was admiring. So was the gaze he had fixed on Julia. Mac felt a kind of growl rumbling in his chest. He cleared his throat.
‘What was the verdict?’ he asked. ‘As far as damage?’
‘A fracture/dislocation in C6/7 and a fracture in…um…I think it was T8. Does that mean anything?’
Mac smiled. ‘Sure does. Any changes in your symptoms in the last couple of days?’
‘The pins and needles have gone from my hands. I’ve got them in my feet instead but they say that’s a good thing.’
‘It is,’ Julia agreed. ‘And the earlier you see an improvement, the more likely things are to end up better than you might expect.’
‘Pretty much what my doctor said.’ Ken had that slightly awed tone back again. ‘You really know your stuff, don’t you?’
‘I’m still learning.’ Julia’s gaze flicked to Mac and she smiled.
The smile said that she was learning from him and that she was grateful. It made Mac feel important. Necessary. He had things he could give her, like knowledge and new skills. Not that he hadn’t already been doing that but it seemed more significant now. The way everything happening between them did.
The pleasurable pride faded abruptly, however, as Mac realised what that significance was. Julia had just reminded him of his position as her mentor. Of her passion for her career and why she was here.
The sound of their pagers curtailed the visit. Julia promised to visit again on her next day off and Mac was aware of another unpleasant splash of emotion.
Jealousy?
If it was, it was easily dealt with because Mac also realised that Julia had just handed him exactly what he needed.
The key to be able to lock that box.
It wasn’t that the reminder of Christine hadn’t been enough to warn him off. This was a bonus. Julia wasn’t just a woman whose career was the most important thing to her, he was her senior colleague. Her teacher. In a position of authority. To step over professional boundaries into anything more personal simply wasn’t acceptable and his reputation and status in his chosen field of work were everything to him.
This was the key.
He would talk to Julia about spinal injuries on their way to this callout. He would quiz her about spinal oedema and paralytic ileus and the scientific evidence that an early infusion of methyl prednisolone could minimise any ongoing damage to the spinal cord.
And when they were at the job they could talk about that patient. Analyse the job on the way home. Anything that would foster professionalism.
Yes. The key was in its slot and Mac was confident that it would turn smoothly.
The danger was over.
Chapter Five
‘DO SEIZURES in the first week after a head injury indicate a risk of future epilepsy?’
‘No.’
‘Why are they serious, then?’
Julia sat down at the messroom table. ‘They can cause hypoxic brain damage.’
‘How?’
She opened the paper bag to extract the lunch she had purchased at a nearby noodle house. Hers was a chili chicken mix and Mac had gone for beef and black beans. He was using a fork and she had chopsticks but it wasn’t the differences in their meal or implement choices that was bothering her right now. It wasn’t even because Joe had taken his lunch out the back somewhere so he could have a chat to his wife on the phone while he ate, thereby depriving Julia of some ordinary, stress-free conversation.
No. What was bothering her was that it had been nearly three days since they’d gone to visit Ken and something had flicked a switch in Mac in the wake of that hospital visit. He’d turned into the mentor from hell. Julia felt like she was either listening to a lecture, taking an exam or demonstrating practical skills to an assessor. He was perfectly friendly and smiling as much as he ever had. He was taking an interest in her training that could only be described as keen and he clearly wanted to help her challenge herself and learn more. He was also very quick to praise anything and everything she did well.
And it was driving her around the bend!
OK, so the kiss had been a mistake. They both knew that. She’d been content that they’d reset the ground rules so that friendship was permissible but somehow, after that visit to Ken, Mac had changed the rules again and she didn’t understand why. Julia was becoming increasingly frustrated. No, actually, she was getting seriously annoyed.
He was safe. She wasn’t about to ambush him again and jump his bones. No matter how attractive the prospect, she had dismissed any notion of the fling Anne had advocated, never mind anything with more significance.
So why did she feel like the bad guy here? Like that kiss had liquefied and then formed a glass wall that Mac was determined not to crack. Or look through even. By making it so obvious that he was keeping his distance, he was making things worse.
Instead of being able to forget the kiss and move on, this was making her more and more aware of him. He was probably picking up on that and that was making him feel threatened and retreat further.
A vicious circle.
With an inward sigh, Julia tried to distract herself…yet again.