But they couldn’t talk about it. If they did, it would be tantamount to admitting attraction and Mac didn’t want that conversation. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to think about it because if he did, he couldn’t control the pull that came in its wake.
A pull towards something he really didn’t want. Territory he was more than content to be exiled from. This pull was stronger than anything he’d come across in ten years of voluntary exile. And for the first time it felt like he was in a place he might not want to be in for much longer.
A lonely place.
He didn’t like that feeling. It was a relief when Julia broke the silence.
‘Mac?’
He looked up. Hell…there was a plea in her eyes. She wanted something from him and if she asked, it might take more strength than he had to refuse.
‘Mmm?’ It was a noncommittal sound.
‘Do you think…if it stays this quiet…?’
She was hesitant. About to ask for something that might not be entirely professional? Mac’s mouth went curiously dry.
‘I was hoping…’ Julia’s smile was mischievous ‘…that we might be able to sneak out and go and visit Ken.’
Mac was quiet again.
He was driving the late-model SUV that was the SERT team’s road vehicle, having checked with Control that it was all right for them to head into the city to visit the hospital Ken had been admitted to. If necessary, they could head for the helipad or any other job at a moment’s notice.
This car had only the front seats. The back was packed with all the equipment they could need in an emergency but there was no stretcher. It was used as an advance vehicle to get to a major incident first, an area where no ambulance was available or as back-up for a serious case. An ambulance had to be dispatched as well for transporting any patients and sometimes, if the patient required treatment beyond the skill level of an available road crew, they would have to abandon this vehicle to travel to the hospital and then retrieve it later.
Julia was becoming increasingly aware of how quiet Mac was as she listened in on the radio traffic. The blips advertising a new message were coming thick and fast. An ambulance was being dispatched to a three car pile-up. Someone else was reporting an NFA from another scene. No further assistance was required there because it was a DOA rather than the cardiac arrest that had been called in. A crew patched through advance notice of a critically ill stroke patient they were transporting to a receiving emergency department and a vehicle was being sent to a rural area to be on standby while the fire service dealt with a house fire.
Busy but nothing out of the ordinary. Julia had her fingers crossed that a call wouldn’t come in the next little while. Long enough for them to visit Ken and see how he was getting on. And long enough to find out why Mac seemed to have withdrawn again.
Not as much as he had the other night, travelling back from the train crash but enough to worry Julia and chip away at this morning’s relief when it had seemed like they could get past any awkward aftermath of that kiss. His message had been received loud and clear. They were a good team and that was all, but they’d never had this odd tension between them before. Silences that became loaded so quickly.
And Mac had made a tentative step towards friendship this morning, hadn’t he? She could reciprocate and maybe that would be enough to fix things properly.
‘So…’ Having made the resolution, Julia impulsively reached out to turn down the volume of the radio. ‘Fair’s fair, Mac.’
He shot her a wary glance.
‘I mean, I’m feeling at a disadvantage now. Like I haven’t had my turn.’
The look was a frown this time. ‘I’m not following you. What have I had that you haven’t?’
‘Information.’
‘Such as?’
‘Well, you know a lot more about me than I do about you.’
Mac was staring into the side mirror, watching for an opportunity to change lanes. ‘Not that much.’
‘Enough,’ Julia said firmly. She switched off the tiny voice at the back of her mind that was suggesting she might be making a mistake here. ‘It’s my turn,’ she continued. ‘I want to know about you.’
Mac was still concentrating on his driving. He changed lanes twice and then indicated an upcoming turn but Julia was watching his face just as carefully and she saw something in the softening of his features that suggested her interest might not be unwelcome. That encouragement was more than enough to switch off that annoying little voice.
‘You know heaps,’ Mac said. ‘How old I am, where I come from, where I did my training. How I like my coffee.’ He gave her just the hint of a crooked smile. ‘All the important stuff.’
Julia laughed, shaking her head. ‘That last one’s going to come back and bite you, mate. And I’m not talking about work stuff. I’m talking about the kinds of things friends might talk about. We are friends, aren’t we?’
Friends. It was such a nice, safe word. She could definitely detect a lessening of any tension in the atmosphere now.
‘You want to talk about football? Wrestling, maybe?’
Julia’s breath hitched. No, not wrestling. ‘That’s boy stuff,’ she said dismissively. ‘I’m talking family. Like what you know about me. Brothers, sisters, exwives…that sort of thing.’
Oh…God! What on earth had made that come out? This wasn’t the time to diffuse tension by cracking stupid jokes.
Mac looked as startled as she was herself. ‘You want to know about my ex-wife?’
Julia swallowed. ‘You have one?’
A tiny pause and then a huff of sound that had an unmistakably ironic twinge. ‘No.’
She had to laugh again, to hide the flash of…what was it, relief? Elation? Something entirely inappropriate, anyway. This was supposed to be a joke. Something light that would make Mac smile.
‘That’s two,’ she told him sternly. ‘Any more and I can’t promise you’ll survive the retribution.’
Mac chuckled. ‘OK, shoot. My past history is an open book.’
Was it? Could she ask about the blonde woman?
No. She didn’t want to know. It was none of her business because this was about friendship, not romance.
‘Brothers?’
‘Nope.’
‘Sisters?’
‘Nope.’
‘You’re an only child?’
Mac sighed. ‘Did you really get your degree with honours?’
Julia ignored the insult. ‘I wouldn’t have picked it, that’s all.’
‘Why? Do I seem spoilt? Self-centred and socially insensitive or something?’
‘Not at all.’ The idea of applying any of those criticisms to Mac was ludicrous. ‘I was kind of an only child myself, you know, what with Anne turning into my mother.’
Mac turned off onto another road and Julia saw the sign indicating the route to the Eastern Infirmary—the hospital they were heading for. This conversation would have to end very soon and she hadn’t stepped off first base, really. Mac was going all silent again so it was up to her to say something.