A soft squeeze on my shoulder brought me around. Ruth Hershberger stood above me with a huge smile on her chubby face. The swell of emotions was too great, and even though I’d rehearsed this moment in my mind several times already, tears began streaking down my cheeks.
When I rose, she pulled me tightly into her cushy body and stroked my hair, which was loose and free. I was suddenly self-conscious that my hair wasn’t beneath a cap, and I smoothed it down when she released me.
Ruth’s eyes were shiny with moisture, but she smiled. James, Ruth’s husband, stood a few feet behind her. He was in quiet conversation with another Amish man, but he paused to look my way and nod at me. My chest tightened at the quick acknowledgment.
Ruth took my hands into her warm ones and said, “How are you, Rose? Have you settled back into your old ways?”
The questioning look in her eyes couldn’t be mistaken. There was hidden meaning in her words.
I glanced around, noticing several pairs of eyes dart away when my gaze passed over them. Everyone in the community was aware that I was here—and they were all waiting to see what happened next.
Nervous energy filled me when I said, “I’m planning to come back. I have to wait until I turn eighteen in the fall, but that’s what I want to do.”
I was partially aware of Justin’s eyes narrowing, but I ignored him to watch the look of shock pass over Ruth’s face. I understood Justin’s feelings, but I couldn’t worry about him right now. I had too much going on in my life.
“My dear girl, I wasn’t expecting you to say such a thing. I thought that being in your old life would have changed your mind.” She paused and searched around, before lowering her voice and leaning in. “Especially now that you aren’t courting Noah Miller...unless there’s something else you’d like to tell me.”
Her probing eyes brought me to my senses. Ruth was too sharp for her own good. I wanted to do this Noah’s way and help his sister out in the process. The last thing we needed was for the older women to be gossiping about our business. As much as I respected and cared for Ruth, she was still one of authority.
Thinking quickly, I said, “Oh, no, there are no secrets these days. I’m going to do as my dad wants and give my world another chance before I make a definite decision.”
She nodded and brought me back into a quick hug. She whispered in my ear, “You’re always welcome to come back. If you need anything at all, you can trust me.”
“You better let loose of her, Ruth. We all want to talk to our Rose.”
The sound of Mrs. Miller’s voice warmed my insides, and I turned to her and got another bone-crushing embrace. As Noah’s mother patted me on the back, I wished I could tell her that she was going to be a grandmother, but then I spied his fifteen-year-old sister, Rachel, peeking out from behind her, and I came to my senses. She smiled and said, “We’ve missed you.”
Maybe the pregnancy made me even more emotional than usual, but from the time I was in Rebecca Miller’s arms until I was sitting on the bench closely beside Katie Miller, Noah’s sister-in-law, I held in a lot of tears.
I was amazed at how welcoming all of the women were being. Even the bishop’s wife, Martha, had joined the reunion with a brilliant smile and a warm hug. The reception I received from the women who I’d only been with for some months touched me deeply, and I began imagining how wonderful it would be to be a part of that kind of comradeship again.
When a group of young boys asked us to vacate the table so that they could take it down, we moved into the building and everyone’s voices continued to fill the air. The sun had disappeared, and only a soft gray light colored the sky. Justin had escaped the barrage of women a while ago, probably to hang out with the boys who’d befriended him the year before, and I anxiously searched the crowd of both Amish and English people for Noah.
My desire to see him had been building throughout dinner. Being around the women and feeling their support gave me hope that maybe I could be happy being Amish. The auctioneer’s voice calling out numbers mixed with people talking and moving about the open area of the schoolhouse. Standing on my tiptoes, I scanned the dimly lit room, receiving many startled glances from members of the community who recognized me, even in street clothes.
Seeing that darkness had settled on the churned crop land beyond the window, my heart sped up. It’s time, I thought. Smiling, I muttered to Katie and Ruth that I needed to find my brother, and moved away through the crowd before they could stop me.
It was strange how my experience at this benefit dinner was so different than the one I’d attended the previous year. I was more confident as I squeezed in between the men with their long, scraggly beards and black hats and the women in their white caps and polyester dresses. They weren’t a scary, mysterious bunch any longer. Many of them I called friends, and I had a deep respect for the hard work they did and the simple and honest way they lived.
When I caught sight of Amos Miller, Noah’s father, I slowed. Sure enough, Noah was standing beside him, along with his brother, Jacob. They were near the large doorway opening with a group of men, next to a tall, black horse. Its coat was shiny even in the darkness, and its exquisite head and fine bone structure made me stop in my tracks.
The auctioneer’s voice rambled numbers, and I sucked in a breath when I thought I heard four thousand and saw Noah’s card go up. Mr. Miller leaned over to Noah before they both quickly looked across the room.
For a second I pictured Noah racing through the field on Rumor, and I imagined that, in his younger days, the black horse had probably looked a lot like the beautiful mare he was bidding on now. A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed down the acidy bile when I remembered the last time I’d seen the horse. He’d been lying on the roadway, broken and dying from the impact of the semi-truck that had nearly killed Noah. His suffering whinnies still haunted me to this day.
Forcing the horrible image to leave my mind, I followed their gaze until I spotted the lanky Amish man raise his hand and nod to the auctioneer. Before I turned back to the Millers, my sight settled on the young woman beside the man bidding against Noah. She wore a lavender dress, and the small amount of hair I could see in front of her cap was auburn. Her face was pretty and doll-like. My stomach tightened.
Constance.
I’m not sure exactly what told me that the girl was Noah’s ex-fiancée, but I knew with certainty that she was. In a very odd moment of acknowledgment, she looked over at me. Her features suddenly changed from tranquility to irritation as her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. The look only lasted for a second before her features went calm, and she glanced away.
It wouldn’t surprise me if Constance recognized me. The other girls would have told her all about me.
I sighed, knowing that I had to deal with the jealousy of another one of Noah’s admirers. Well, I had to admit, Constance was more than just that. She’d been engaged to him, after all.
When the auctioneer called out the last bid, I watched Mr. Miller and Jacob both shake their heads, and Noah dropped his. The man beside Constance, who I guessed was her dad, smirked and nodded in the Millers’ direction. The look on the man’s face was anything but Christian and reminded me of the same twisted expressions Levi would direct my way. This was not a nice man, and he was obviously holding a grudge against Noah.
I pushed through the crowd trying to reach Noah, but he didn’t see me and instead disappeared through the doorway into the night. Changing directions, I ducked behind a group of Amish women and avoided coming face-to-face with the other Miller men.
The guys in Noah’s family had always been polite to me but distant and aloof at the same time. After living among the Amish, I learned that this was the way all the Amish men treated women who weren’t their wives or blood