The following Sunday he marched to church with the regiment, but was not impressed with the service: ‘Carr the clergyman gave us a terrible long sermon about Serjeant Tedman who has lately “gone out”. The deaths here are really quite awful.’10 Among Europeans in India the death rate was especially high, from causes such as malaria, cholera, dysentery, smallpox, dog bites, snakes and scorpions. Because of these threats, Rawlinson considered a new career in England: ‘I am frequently resolved to adopt an entirely new course of life, to give up all the future prospect of glory and delight, which I have so often and so fondly pictured to my ardent mind, and turn religious. I used at one time certainly to be really pious and in a fit state to be called into the presence of my maker, but I was then a child, I was then a stranger to the temptations of the world and had then never experienced what I am afraid I shall never have sufficient strength and resolution to withstand.’11 He had little regard for Carr, adding: ‘I am not as yet sufficiently under the influence of the Spirit of God to relish three hours prosing controversy on disputed texts … I hope and trust I may in time acquire the power of abstracting my mind in prayer which for any length of time, I find at present particularly difficult.’12 The subject of religion was a recurring topic in Rawlinson’s early journals, and it obviously bothered him that, as a Christian, his beliefs were not as strong as he wished.
He was now hard at work studying Hindustani and in mid-December wrote: ‘I was obliged to go to Fort George to meet my new Moonshee at 10 oclock. I like him much better than the last; tho’ he is a little high and connected, he is certainly very clever and I stand a much greater chance of improving under his tuition.’13 Three days later he was less happy, writing that he ‘waited for my moonshee till 10 oclock – blew him up sky high for not coming earlier – he tells me I shall not pass unless I fagg very hard – now as it is impossible to fagg even tolerably hard in this climate, I shall give up all ideas of passing this examination and not try until the next.’14
A mood of depression set in, fuelled by unhappiness at receiving no word from England on the arrival of two more ships, especially as all the other officers received letters, ‘which makes my disappointment more cutting’.15 On Sunday 16 December, Rawlinson marched to church early in the morning with his regiment, but was suffering from a bad cold and sore throat, so did not go out again afterwards: ‘I have been very low all day. I neither like the climate, country, inhabitants or profession and shall be most heartily glad to get back to England again. If an officer has neither a regimental, nor general staff appointment his life here must be the idlest, and least profitable, occupation in the World – far from being able to lay by money, his pay will be inadequate to his expenses, especially if at a dear station like Bombay – my mind is I think extremely fickle. I am sometimes elated with ideas of wealth, glory and happiness, and again if anything should happen to depress my spirits (such as those bitter disappointments in not hearing from England) I can see nothing before me but want, penury and distress. Oh money, money, how vain and yet how indispensable thou art in a great measure to human happiness.’16
To add to his mood, on Monday he received ‘another blowing up … for not attending parade at gunfire, for which however I had never received any orders … I am in future to attend all parades’.17 He had, though, decided to take his Hindustani examination in the new year after all, even though it was difficult to work: ‘Fag a little now and then with my moonshee; I am fully aware of the necessity of the most assiduous study, if I hope to be ready for the next examination, yet such is the relaxing nature of the climate, that it is with the utmost difficulty I can bring myself to get even a page of the Bagh & Buhar [a story written to teach students Hindustani] ready for my moonshee – there is consequently very little if any chance of my passing in January … I really must fagg … these lazy habits will not do. I must study 4 hours a day at least … I have not been out to a party this age – it is really very stupid here and if I can but pass next month, get posted to a regiment and start off up the country, why I may perhaps be a little more comfortable.’18 He had now been in Bombay just fifty-two days.
Rawlinson still indulged in shooting, going to dinner, drinking tea, writing poetry and a play, and singing at parties, even though he claimed not to have attended any party recently. On 22 December his first poem was published in the Bombay Courier. Eleven verses long and entitled On the first sight of land, the poem appeared ‘with a most insulting Editor’s note’.19 Wisely, Rawlinson used a pseudonym, because reaction was not favourable: ‘With respect to the poetry in the Courier, there are various opinions concerning it, and as it is considered by the majority to be trash, I have not ventured to avow the authorship except to a few of my particular cronies.’20 Further disappointment occurred when another ship came in with no mail, but Rawlinson was now somewhat happier. On 24 December he noted: ‘The parade bugle sounded at gunfire and we marched out to a grand Brigade parade – there were four regiments consisting altogether of about 3000 men … I know enough of the drill now to manoeuvre with any company and got through the parade without a single blunder.’21
On Christmas Day, he admitted: ‘I begin to like my situation a great deal better than I have done as I am getting better acquainted with my fellow officers. I used to fancy that they treated me particularly coldly, which I supposed had arisen from the row I had got into about the tents … I have in fact hardly any doubt that this was the case. I am fully resolved now never to indulge in future at any of the mess parties so as to get in the least inebriated. I do it chiefly out of my love of fun and jollity and certainly not out of any fondness for liquor, as with the exception of a few wines I absolutely hate.’22
In late January 1828 he was working hard for his examination, as he explained to Maria in his journal: ‘I … really do begin to have some hopes of success in the examination which takes place on Febry 15. The Regiment is to start for Deesa on the 5th of February (your birthday). I have not made up my mind as yet to what course I shall adopt with respect to stopping in Bombay after the Corps is gone, but rather think I shall apply for leave to pitch my tent on the Esplanade and do nothing until the Examinations … My Monshees encourage me and tell me that there is a very good chance of my passing, but I am by no means confident of any knowledge as I find myself woefully deficient in the Colloquial examination which we have to undergo.’23 Due to a scarcity of officers, Rawlinson’s application to remain in Bombay and work for his examination in two weeks’ time was refused, but when he found himself called as a witness in a court case at Bombay, he transferred to the 7th Native Infantry Regiment: ‘I am at present living in a tent in the seventh lines, that is with the officers of the Seventh Reg., with which corps I am now doing duty. My old Corps the Europeans left Bombay for Deesa about a week ago and I got myself removed from them to the seventh in order to wait for the examination.’24
On Saturday 16 February, the examination over, Rawlinson wrote: ‘I was called up the very first which is a great disadvantage, and my examination did not last more than half an hour during which time however they kept me pretty well close at it – Courts Martial to be translated, General Orders to be read off in Hindoostanee, Bagh & Buhar, Idiomatical Questions and Conversations by a Moonshee (who by the bye happened