‘Thank you for breaking my movie virginity.’
‘It was only my pleasure,’ I say and laugh.
We order food and the waiter brings it a few minutes later. We are drinking cappuccinos and strawberry-flavoured sparkling water instead of wine.
‘This is nice,’ she says after taking a sip of the water. ‘Do you know I have actually never had sparkling water?’ She flips her tongue and licks her bottom lip. I clear my throat before moving my eyes back to hers. She gives me a weak smile and says, ‘I am going to Venda next week. I thought about it last night.’
My world is shattered. What does she mean that she is going to Venda next week? I need her here.
‘Haven’t you decided on any of the options I gave you?’ I ask.
‘I don’t want to be a nuisance. I cannot stay in your home. I cannot even let you pay for an apartment, Gundo. I do not want Ms Diana to fight with me.’
‘What …’
Before I can finish my sentence, she raises her hand and quickly says, ‘I will grow my egg business. I saw this advert seeking sales representatives for farm eggs in Venda. I was thinking I might try it out. Maybe I can even supply them with my own eggs. Also, Thulani said that your father’s restaurants are ordering from us.’
I wasn’t prepared for this. I don’t want her to go.
‘Uhm … look … my company is awarding bursaries to five successful students to register at any college around Johannesburg this year,’ I say. The lie comes out smoother than I thought. I just hope that I am convincing enough. ‘Why don’t you try it out?’
She shakes her head. ‘No, Gundo, you’ve done more than enough.’
‘Okay, you know what?’ I take a deep breath. ‘Let me be honest with you. I don’t want you to leave for Venda because then I will not see you again. I am falling deeply in love with you and I don’t want you to leave. Why don’t you stay? I will do anything and everything to help you find your feet.’
She stares at me.
‘Your family …’
‘What about my family?’
‘Ms Diana.’
‘Diana is my ex-wife. She is not my family anymore,’ I say.
‘She is your ex-wife?’
‘Yes.’
‘But … you have a daughter together. And for your daughter’s sake you should be together … Diana wants you to be a family.’
What? Where is she getting all of this? I run my hands over my head and let out a breath. ‘Listen, it is definitely better for Ciara that Diana and I divorced. We are not in love. I don’t love Diana. And Diana is not my family. Diana rejected the idea of us as a family when she rejected my son. I will never get back together with that woman. Never.’ Is it why she stopped us from making out yesterday? Diana?
‘I thought …’
‘No! Did you think I was just playing with you while I wanted to build a family with Diana?’ I say. ‘I wouldn’t be here if that were the case. Come on, I am nothing like my brother.’
‘Oh, wow,’ she says and covers her face. When she pulls her hands away, I can see that she is blushing.
‘I want you,’ I say. I take her hand and caress it.
‘Why?’ her question comes out in a whisper.
‘You are so humble. You touched my heart the very second I met you. You are always on my damn mind. I want to be the one to heal your pain. I want you to help me heal my pain.’
She lets out a weak smile. ‘Can you drive me back to the hotel?’ she quietly asks.
What?
‘Did I say something wrong?’
‘No. I just want us to go.’
I am disappointed. So disappointed to cut our date short. I call the waiter to settle the bill. In silence, I drive us back to the Hotel Fire & Ice. She doesn’t look at me or say anything.
Am I losing her?
‘Thandeka, I don’t know what you want me to do to show you how serious I am about you. I really don’t know.’ This is getting frustrating. Everything I do seems not to be good enough. Why can’t she just let me into her heart? Why?
She stares out of the window as I park the car next to the hotel. I wish I knew what to do or say to make her listen to me and take me seriously. I want her goddamn heart. Doesn’t she see this?
‘Let’s go in,’ she says while unbuckling the seatbelt.
‘Who? Me?’ I ask. Dammit! Didn’t I just sound like an idiot again? She nods and jumps out of the car. I follow behind her with the takeaway boxes. We didn’t eat much.
We get into the elevator and stare at each other. The more I gaze at her, the more I want her.
I want this woman. I want her so bad.
She leads the way to the room and unlocks the door, with me behind her. We walk into a freshly cleaned room. She throws her bag on the floor and stands by the window.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask.
‘I am fine.’
‘What is wrong?’
‘Do you really love me the way you say you do?’ Her voice is cracking.
‘I do,’ I quickly respond.
‘I have been falling in love with you since the day we met. I was afraid to let you know because I thought you would use me. You know, I thought you were Rudzani. Then, after that, I thought you’d be happier with Diana and your daughter.’
‘Diana does not make me happy. We’ve tried before and it didn’t work. Trying again will only hurt my daughter because it will always end up a mess.’ I hope what I’m saying is sinking in.
‘What if I stay and you break my heart?’
‘I won’t.’
‘What if I give you my heart and you find that I am not actually the woman that you are looking for?’
‘That won’t happen.’ This feels like an interview, but I’ll answer whatever she asks me truthfully.
I walk towards where she is standing. She stays still, with her hands folded over her chest.
‘You drive me so crazy,’ I murmur.
She uncrosses her arms and places trembling palms on my chest. Her eye close. I watch her. I watch as she swallows hard, as if she has just finished a silent prayer.
‘Please promise me that you won’t hurt me,’ she whispers. ‘I’ve been hurt before.’
‘I promise.’ I do promise. I mean it. And I promise to keep my promise.
And then I can no longer keep my lips off hers. I feel their delicious softness. Damn, I have been praying for this for so long. She keeps her hands on my chest and receives the kiss. I pull her body close to mine and continue to kiss her sweet lips.
I am finally tasting these lips again – it feels so surreal. She breaks the kiss before opening her eyes and gazing at me. Passion and lust dance in her eyes.
Time stops.
* * *
THANDEKA
Oh! Was it just a dream? If it was, then may I continue to sleep so that I don’t wake up from it yet. It was a sweet, sweet dream. I dreamt of Gundo and I sealing an agreement to act on