I am going to find out.
It takes me minutes to freshen up and get into a long pink dress that hugs my belly perfectly. It is one of the best dresses that still fit me. Thulani is snoring on the couch when I march out of the house.
I lift my hand to shield my eyes from the sun for a few seconds before setting out, hoping to prove my brother wrong. It takes me a good thirty minutes to reach Vhonani’s mother’s house. I pray that he isn’t back. I pray that my brother is wrong. My heart skips a tiny beat when I notice his red Polo parked outside the garage.
He really is here.
Just a few knocks and a beautiful young lady appears at the door. She smiles sweetly at me while rubbing her tummy which looks just like mine.
‘Hello, I’m Tumisang,’ she greets with a smile, scanning my belly. ‘Ohhh, look at you! Are you having a girl or a boy? I am having a boy.’
‘Can I come in?’ I ask. She doesn’t have to know that I do not know the gender of my baby. How was I supposed to afford an ultrasound appointment when Vhonani never sent me a cent?
With a smile still on her face, she leads me inside.
‘It is just me and Vhonani in the house. He is taking a nap and I don’t know where everybody else disappeared to.’ This woman is too gorgeous for a fully pregnant woman. She is wearing a tank vest and leggings, with her long weave falling on her shoulders. I follow her into the sitting room. My gut is telling me something I don’t want to believe.
‘Can I get you something to drink? It is hot around here. I promise you, by the time we go back to Johannesburg, I’ll be so dark and numb,’ she says with a chuckle and I fake a smile back.
When they go back to Johannesburg? Stop fooling yourself, Thandeka. This is too obvious. This woman is here with Vhonani!
My fake smile is wiped away from my face when my eyes land on a glittering ring on her finger.
‘Sis, can I please see Vhonani?’ I ask and she frowns.
‘What business do you have with Vhonani? What did you say your name was?’
‘I heard he is back and I thought –’
Vhonani barges into the room before I can finish my sentence.
‘Hey, Thandeka.’ His voice is shaky. Guilt. I stare at him while the woman darts her eyes from Vhonani to me. She has her hands on her figureless waist. ‘Babe,’ he says to her, ‘please go and run me a bath. I need to freshen up.’
Babe? How dare he?
I could not help but let my tears gush down my cheeks.
She comes to stand in front of me. ‘Is she one of your side chicks?’ I can see her hands trembling and I am shaking like a leaf too.
‘Stop stressing the baby, Tumisang, you know what the doctor said,’ he says with so much concern, it hurts me. ‘Thandeka is just a neighbour who is here to see my mother.’
Just a neighbour? I walked for thirty minutes to get here.
‘Why are you lying?’ I sob.
Tumisang’s eyes go wide. ‘Vhonani, have you lost your mind? Did you impregnate me and this damn woman at the same time? Vhonani, are you crazy?’ She starts weeping while my tears are falling down my cheeks like a waterfall. Vhonani is standing in the middle of the living room with his hands on his waist, looking tense.
Tumisang is as defeated as I am. She storms out of the room, with Vhonani following her. My knees are weak, so I drop onto the couch next to me.
Shhh! I feel pain in my stomach. My baby is unsettled. I rub my tummy a few times, trying to calm it. There is chaos down the corridor. I could walk away right now, but Vhonani owes me an explanation. I wish he would tell me that he made a mistake.
Vhonani comes back into the living room. ‘You had to do that, didn’t you?’ he yells at me. ‘Why are you here, Thandeka? I thought we were done.’
‘What do you mean you thought we were done?’ I hiss at him while getting to my feet. ‘I called you so many times but you kept ignoring me and the last time we spoke you told me you were coming back to see me face to face. We were going to see the doctor. You never said we were done.’
‘How can I even be sure the baby is mine?’
‘You have got to be kidding me, Vhonani.’ I didn’t mean to raise my voice at him, but I do. I am so pissed at him right now.
‘Look, I am sorry things turned out this way. I fell out of love with you. I got engaged to Tumisang. I couldn’t explain it all on your brother’s phone. But I thought you would get the hint when I never called you back. Anyway, there you have it.’ He shrugs. ‘I haven’t seen you in so long, what do you expect?’
He doesn’t love me. He never did. I wish he would apologise and beg for my forgiveness. I wish he would tell me that it was just a silly mistake. I would try to believe him. For the sake of our baby.
‘How long have you been with her?’ I ask and he shakes his head. I shout, ‘How long have you been dating her?’
‘Just a few months.’
‘Just a few months and she looks ready to give birth? Wearing a ring? Don’t make me your fool.’
‘Eish, please man. I’m sorry things turned out this way. There is nothing I can do.’
You can leave her and be with me, that is what you can do.
‘So, what about us? What about all the promises you made to me?’
‘There is no us.’ He turns on his heels and takes a few steps towards the corridor. He stops and says, ‘Please leave. I don’t want to upset my fiancée and baby.’
CHAPTER 1
GUNDO
I haven’t slept a wink since I received the news: My son is dead. He died with my younger brother, Ronnie.
The accident happened on Punda Maria Road when Ronnie was driving back from a trip with his friends. Khuthi shouldn’t have been with them. He was too young. But I know how close my son got to his uncle Ronnie during the times I sent him to stay with my family in Venda when Diana wanted him out of the house. If only my relationship with Khuthi had been better! If it hadn’t been so challenging, even after I divorced Diana, Khuthi might not have insisted on still spending long periods with my parents and his uncles. Then he might not have been in that car. If only I could have had more time! I know I would have mended things between us. After all, I loved my son very much. He was just wary of accepting that – afraid to get hurt again after his mother abandoned him. And I wanted to give him space. I thought we’d have more time …
Why the hell was Ronnie driving drunk? I guess he was always known for his bad behaviour … But he wasn’t a bad person. He loved my son. I loved my brother. That Golf 7 GTI that he bought for his twenty-sixth birthday was nothing but trouble from the start. I remember our father was not pleased with him for buying such a sports car. But now my father has been shocked into silence by this tragedy. It was my mother who had to give me the news after eleven o’clock last night: Ronnie lost control on the curves, just outside Louis Trichardt and hit the trees. Both Ronnie and Khuthi died instantly.
My heart is aching and I am finding it hard to believe they are gone. I am failing to imagine how the family, back at home, is doing right now. I cannot fathom how my mother is doing; she loved her son and her grandson dearly.
I look at the clock on the nightstand. It is 03:17 am. There is no use in lying on this cold bed, tossing and turning. Let me get up and prepare some emails to send out to my team before I go spend a few weeks in Venda with my parents.
I can’t mourn fully yet. It feels like I am letting go of my only son if I do.