Yes, I learned to love to read because of the influence of my mother. She passed away in 2002. When she died, she left me the greatest gift in the world: I received her entire book collection, and I’ll always treasure it. I still read and reread those timeless classics. I will make sure those books are passed on to my own children, to the other children in our family, and someday to their children. That’s what should happen with knowledge and the love of reading.
It should be a family tradition—the passing on of books and a love for reading. What greater, more powerful gift could a parent give? The family needs to be engaged in literacy and to encourage others to pursue education and a love of learning. Reading should be a family habit.
My mother’s influence wasn’t only in reading. She was constantly active in the community. Although she never liked politics, she became involved because she knew that was one way she could make a difference in our community. She became active on a local committee, and before long, she became the block organizer in our neighborhood. We lived in the projects and then in low-income public housing—all inside the inner city of Philadelphia—and she had to work hard to support eight children. My mother had every excuse to avoid personal involvement.
She exposed me to various communities and cultures. Even more, while I was still in elementary school, my mother took me with her to visit events on college campuses. Mom wanted me to experience diverse situations and cultures because she knew that if I learned the values and history of others, I would naturally become more aware of my own culture.
Part of the exposure was to teach me never to look down on anyone as being inferior or of lesser importance. By her life—her influence—she also taught me that learning to love others would make me a better person and allow me to realize the contribution I could make to the larger world.
She was a single parent, but that didn’t slow her down. In fact, she helped me appreciate the strengths of women. By observing the mothers in our neighborhood, and their influence in the community, I grasped what women go through trying to raise children, provide an income, get an education, and maintain an active role in the community.
My mother’s hands were full. I wasn’t the only child. In fact, I’m a twin and one of the last-born in our family of eight children. Mom did everything she could to give all of us the best education possible.
When we were children, she always took us to church, and not just on Sunday. We were there on Saturday for various church events. We were there for Bible study. Anytime our church needed volunteers, Mom had us there. We didn’t resent it because she helped us see that it was a privilege to serve.
After I became an adult, I recognized my responsibility to be involved in the church and the community. Whatever or wherever the community, I was to be involved and supportive. That was the expectation and influence of my mom.
My mother supported my teachers and the school. Whenever I came home and complained about a teacher, she would give me the same stern look. For some reason I was sure she would defend me and stand with me against my mean teachers.
“What did you do to upset the teacher?”
“Nothing.”
“And she got mad at you? For no reason? What did you do before she became upset?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me what happened.”
It took a few minutes, but eventually she would find out why the teacher was upset. She would also show me that usually it had been my fault. If I had caused the problem, she would give me no sympathy. If she had felt a teacher had mistreated me, she would stand up for me.
As a principal, I wish there were more parents like my mother.
Often I think about that when I have parents who come into my school after their children go home and complain, “The principal disciplined me and he also gave me a detention.”
More than a few parents never ask the children what they did wrong. They rarely call us on the phone and ask, “What did my child do to deserve this?” Instead, they march to the school, filled with anger, and demand to see me or the teacher responsible. “Why did you discipline my child?”
Many times I’ve had parents say to me, “I don’t like your discipline program.”
“If your program was working,” I respond, “I wouldn’t have to use mine.”
Sometimes those parents yell at me. I’ve had a number of them walk out angry and a few have threatened me. Not all of them act that way and some of those parents listen. When they want to know what happened and not just to vent anger, things change. They’re the parents who care about their children—really care—and want them to get the best possible education.
I want people to understand that parenting is important. Almost any man can father a child; almost any woman can bear a child. It requires much more to be a good parent.
Think of it this way: The message that parents give to their children is the message those children take to the rest of the world. If parents express violent anger, feel frustrated, and see little good in the world, their children don’t have much chance to develop a different view.
I don’t want to bash parents. I have known many wonderful, caring, wise, and teachable parents in all the schools where I’ve worked. The chess and math programs would never have succeeded if it hadn’t been for strong parental involvement and support. My Second Chance Program was for kids who got into trouble and was an opportunity for them to change their attitudes. When their parents worked with me, those kids changed.
We have a wonderful parent-supported reading program called the 100 Book Challenge. My former boss, Gaeton Zorzi, and his wife designed and initiated the program. Thousands of schools across the nation now subscribe to this wonderful, challenging program. We involve every child in our program, even those in preschool and kindergarten. The goal is to have every child read at grade level. All of them don’t make it, but most of them do. The teachers push the 100 Book Challenge, but it succeeds best when the parents work with us. When parents properly support effective reading programs, their children will be successful.
Bill Cosby and several other celebrities received a lot of criticism when they spoke out about parents falling down on the job and not taking responsibility for their children. I understood what they were saying but I also think we need to commend those parents who struggle financially, and yet they somehow find a way to provide a home and do an excellent job of raising their children. They see failure and struggle daily just as I do, but they continue to fight for their children.
Cosby later said he wished he had said that many parents are doing a great job. I hope he was serious, because I am serious when I say I’ve worked with many wonderful mothers and fathers. Sometimes we educators see so much bleakness, failure, and death, we spend a lot of time crying out. It’s easy for us to overlook those faithful, wonderful parents.
Being a parent is tough, but no one ever said it would be easy. I firmly believe that parenting is the best job in the world. Senator Hillary Clinton convinced many people that the entire village is the answer when it comes to raising a child. I beg to differ on some aspect of that philosophy. When our child has that 101-degree temperature at midnight, the village isn’t there to offer medicine and a cold bath. When our child goes out on that first date and doesn’t come home on time, the entire village doesn’t pace around the house or call every possible cell phone number available. It’s Mom and Dad who worry and pray alone at night. In a growing number of families, it’s Grandmom and Granddad.
Our second daughter was born February 29, 2004. We named her Nashetah, a Native American word that means second-born warrior.
She’s a fighter. Scheduled