Notes
FOREWORD
ONE SATURDAY AFTERNOON I went to my neighbourhood bookstore to purchase additional copies of Lindsay Sealey’s Growing Strong Girls. After reading my copy in just a day, I knew two things: I loved it and I had to share it with the other parents I know. Suddenly a thought popped into my mind: I should send Lindsay a message and see if she would sign a copy for me. Standing in the middle of the bookstore—a stack of books under my arm, chai latte in one hand, and my phone in the other—I messaged her via Instagram. She answered right away, and said yes.
It was in this moment, and then over the course of the years to come, that I learned about Lindsay’s character. She says “yes” a lot—to making time for people, to listening and offering ideas and insights, and to investing her time in growing strong girls and strong parents.
In my work with gracie’s gals, I hear again and again that girls are anxious and worried about becoming teenagers. “Why do I feel this way?” they ask themselves. “What’s wrong with me?” They tell me, “I should feel that way instead. I am not enough. I will never be enough. I can’t keep up. I don’t fit in.” Girls are sometimes feeling lost, and as their self-belief dwindles, so too does their security. At gracie’s gals, we focus on building girls up. We show them that they can turn their perceived weaknesses into triumphs, and teach them to view their experiences as successes and strengths, no matter what. We support them on their way to finding that everything they need is already within them and there’s nothing wrong with who they are. However, many young girls feel overwhelmed by the need to “keep up.” As adults, many of us struggle with the same feelings of not being enough. We don’t expect to handle those uncomfortable feelings without anxiety or fear. Why would we expect girls to do so?
That’s where Lindsay steps in. She reminds us that it’s all right to be unsure, and she helps us take the necessary steps to feel certain and strong in our coaching and parenting skills. She reassures us that we are doing our best, and that most days, our best is more than enough.
Lindsay understands teen girls deeply. In Rooted, Resilient, and Ready, she shares her experiences—what works best and what doesn’t work as well—and shows us how to help girls navigate those “not enough” feelings. Imagine if you woke up every morning and told your daughters, “You are rooted. You are resilient. You are ready.” Lindsay encourages us to remind them of this. We must let girls know that there is no step-by-step guide to growing up, just as we know that there is no concrete guide to parenting, coaching, or being a role model. That being said, there are steps you can take to guide girls along the way. As they grow, their journeys are unique and varied. Books like Lindsay’s—with tools, tips, ideas, strategies, and a healthy dose of hope—offer tremendous support along the way. In fact, Rooted, Resilient, and Ready may just be your game changer.
Lindsay is a great listener and empath. She gives her time and her creative ideas. She is authentic. She is certainly one of the most curious people I know. All of these wonderful qualities are on display here. She isn’t afraid to ask questions that might seem uncomfortable; she knows that in a world where our girls are bombarded by the false, the fake, and the manufactured, honesty and authenticity are appreciated. Lindsay always comes from a place of love, care, and compassion for our girls and the adults in their lives—a place free from judgment coupled with an obvious desire to help. Through Lindsay’s writing, I have come to understand my own journey through the teen years, and how my lessons learned help me in my work with young girls. Recently, I even found myself affirming, “I am rooted. I am resilient. I am ready!” I feel free to take up space knowing this; I don’t feel small and I know that everything I need is within me.
Lindsay’s insights, patience, and passion for empowering teen girls shine through every sentence in this book. Here, readers will find the support and confidence they need to authentically connect with the girls in their lives. What a difference it has made in my own work with girls entering their teens. What a difference I trust her book will make for you, too.
SHELBY ROWLAND
Founder and head coach, gracie’s gals
August 2019
INTRODUCTION
IT’S 5 A.M. and I am sitting at my local coffee shop. Nobody is here yet and I am relishing the quiet. My pencils are sharpened, my brightly coloured Crayola felts are fanned out around me, and I am opened to a fresh, blank page in my notebook. I am a little afraid, a little nervous, but mostly, I feel excited and energized to begin writing this book. I am ready—ready to ask questions, to delve into tough topics, to learn and grow, and to empower you to be ready for the teen years as well. I am ready to be real and raw, ready to work hard and keep focused, and ready to inspire change. Even still, I have a problem.
I have so much to say when it comes to growing our teenage girls that I don’t know where to begin. Maybe you feel this way too sometimes: you want to support your daughter so much but you don’t know where to start. Don’t you just wish you could ask Alexa, or maybe Siri: “How do I help my teenage daughter?”
Suddenly, I become aware of three questions swirling through my mind like a merry-go-round: What do I wonder about young girls? What do I worry about when it comes to teen girls? And what do I wish for every girl? This is where I will begin.
I wonder all the time about teenage girls today. I wonder how they are feeling and what they avoid feeling. I wonder what they are thinking about and what they have yet to consider. I wonder if they have learned that it’s okay to be themselves—whether that means being focused and serious, silly or a little crazy, spontaneous or predictable, boisterous or demure, adventurous or safe. I wonder how they are navigating the newness of the teen years and all the changes this stage of life brings. I wonder who they are becoming and how they are being influenced and shaped. I wonder how they see our world. I wonder if they feel they belong in this world.
At the same time, I worry about today’s girls. I worry about how quickly they are growing up, and the pressure I know they feel to be “perfect.” I worry about their busy schedules, their push for more, and the stress they are forced to deal with every day—to keep up, to fit in, to look like they know what they are doing, to achieve, and to succeed. I worry about the pressures they feel specifically when it comes to relationships, sex, and social media. I worry they are becoming who others want them to be rather than investing the time needed to figure out who they want to be.
I also spend a lot of time wishing. I wish adolescent girls could see what we see. I wish they could see their potential for power, strength, and confidence. I wish for them to grow up strong, with self-belief, dogged determination, and the ability to work hard—with grit, perseverance, and unwavering resilience. I wish that every single teenage girl could love and value herself, do all that she loves to do, know her greatness, see her beauty, feel confident, take risks, show her boldness and audacity, voice her opinion, and absolutely not care what people think. Ultimately, I wish for teen girls to feel rooted, resilient, and ready for this world—for both what it has to offer them and for all they have to contribute.
That’s why I wrote this book—to help you guide her to be rooted in her identity, resilient to the changes and challenges