The courage needed to undergo a major personal transformation is not much different from the kind needed for major discovery or success. Take the early explorers who left Europe to sail out into the dangerous, vast Atlantic Ocean. Imagine doing so when people thought the world was flat and that anyone who sailed west would eventually sail off the edge of the earth! It is that kind of perseverance in the face of fear that I needed. Distorted and inaccurate perceptions, self-doubt, a graveyard full of failed diets, clothes that no longer fit, practically every weight loss book ever written, thousands of dollars wasted on meals, snacks, shakes, and pills were all horrors I needed to confront. Tack on years of self-loathing, odds stacked sky high against me, people who bet against me, people who tried to sabotage my success, and voices inside my head that made me doubt and question what I was doing, and I still managed to leave my familiar world of unhappy gluttony, set sail, and succeed.
Having had a weight problem for most of my life, and never feeling good about myself, meant being fat defined me.
The excess weight was my security blanket, a protective layer that told everyone to “go away!” Nobody would want to date me and therefore hurt me, abandon me, reject me, and prove that I was unlovable at over three hundred pounds. I took the preemptive measure of nearly ensuring I couldn’t be hurt or rejected by being fat. The ironic thing was people constantly trying to fix me up with—big, fat, Whopper-sized Fred—with, well, large women. I appreciated their well-meaning intentions, but I didn’t want to date anyone who was overweight! Really I preferred not to date at all for fear of being rejected and spent most of my time alone with my demons, and food.
I didn’t want to share anything personal with anyone, and never in a million years could I have imagined I would be writing a book about myself! By losing weight and finally dealing with my emotions and distorted self-perception I would learn that I was my own worst enemy. As the pounds came off, new issues and deeper levels of hurt, pain, and grief came up and needed to be dealt with. I liken the process to peeling an onion. You shed tears as you peel through the layers, but eventually you reach the sweet, innermost part. In my case, I would finally discover the person I always was—a kind, caring man who didn’t need to abuse his body or overeat and who did not lack anything at all.
Persevering in the face of unthinkable odds—despite what that “shitty committee” inside our heads, our friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, or other perhaps fearful, insecure, or jealous people may try to tell us—is how we build character, how we become better people, and how each of us can change the world. We are told a thousand reasons why we can’t do something or won’t be successful. It is our job to find the one reason why we can do it, and how we will be successful, and then go for it! This is how life-changing inventions like Thomas Edison’s lightbulb were created and how cures for diseases have been and will continue to be discovered. I learned that I not only had to throw caution to the wind and spit in the face of fear, but I also needed to have faith in what I was doing and determination to do better, and I had to want it more than I’d ever wanted anything! A tall order but totally doable if you believe in yourself and you commit to yourself, “all-in.”
Half-assed will not work when it comes to becoming a better version of you. Do you want to be considered (or consider yourself) half-assed? No! Anytime we decide to do anything, the results are practically guaranteed by the intention and the energy put forth. Intention is attached to everything you say and do in furtherance of your goals, and energy (positive or negative) is the intensity given to your intentions. You want to think of yourself as badass, someone who dares to do courageous things, things that aren’t necessarily easy or fun, but whereby the reward far outweighs the effort—no pun intended.
People who are badass own their power, take responsibility for their lives and their actions, acknowledge their shortcomings and strive to do better, are confident in their skin, and rock the bodies they are in. Kind of like how you can rock an outfit on a model’s runway or at a party. You are able to go for it with an attitude of I can do this, I’ve got this, I deserve this, I will win this!
This is very different from a typical “diet” mentality, which typically goes more like:
I need to eat less
I can’t go out to eat anymore
I gotta get my fat ass to the gym
I hate to work out
Maybe I’m just a lazy, undisciplined person
I hate my body
I hate myself
I hate that I’m overweight
I hate that I can’t eat like a normal person
I need to eat small portions of foods I don’t like
I’ll do it until I lose twenty pounds
I’ll do it as long as I can stand it
I hope I can stick with it long enough
I hope I don’t gain the weight back
What’s the use, I’m always going to be overweight, why even bother?
Badass doesn’t mean bad. It doesn’t mean arrogant or cocky. Quite the opposite. Owning your power, shining from within, and being a beacon of light that reaches out to touch and inspire others is the essence of soulful living and the answer to our calling to be our best. From this place, we can go forth and conquer with ease what before seemed impossible.
The second edition includes the same original four phases of The Restaurant Diet, plus a brand new Part I, which focuses on self-love, the spiritual part of my journey, and how this knowledge will help you succeed! When I was contemplating what to add or change in the second edition, I took into account a lot of the feedback I received from people who read my book and wrote to me, people who attended my book signings and lectures, as well as people I have coached. People wanted to know more about me. They enjoyed my stories and could identify with what I was saying, so they suggested that I include more about me and my personal, spiritual journey behind The Restaurant Diet. People asked me what “mindset” they need to be in to succeed. They asked me, “Is it just all about willpower?” Well, it is both of these and so much more. The reason I was able to begin to let go of food and go relentlessly in pursuit of my goal of not just losing weight but becoming a better me was knowing and being grateful for who and what I truly am and honoring myself and my body. Knowing this makes my message more powerful.
As someone who lost a ton of weight and has struggled in the years that followed to keep the weight off, I can tell you that I need motivation and reminders even more after losing the weight. It has helped me to find positive and motivational calendars and books and to subscribe to e-mail lists for daily meditational sayings and positive thoughts. I like to start each day with a positive thought, whether I read it somewhere or I come up with it myself. Gratitude is a go-to, so I constantly try to think of things I am grateful for. We often need reminders in this crazy, stressful, hectic world we live in. It helps to contemplate this and to give thanks for all the good things in our lives. I prefer starting the day on a positive note, as opposed to turning on the news, picking up the paper, or going online to learn about another catastrophe. The world can be a terribly jarring and evil place. We need to protect and nurture ourselves at all times by limiting our exposure to negative and awful things and surrounding ourselves with positive, peaceful, loving, beautiful people, places, and things. I also strive to be one of those positive, peaceful, loving people. Just think what would happen if