Grief. Jody Neufeld

each phase of your journey. The help is real and not just a bunch of words. There are no shortcuts in this journey of grief. Oh, how I have wished that there were! As I have gone through each piece of my journey I can say that I did learn something of ‘good’ and worth that has made me better and more useful today.

      May our Lord bless you with His wisdom and knowledge and extravagant love, in Jesus’ name I pray.

      – Jody Neufeld

      Chapter 1

      Are There ‘Different Kinds’ of Grief?

      The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines ‘grief’ as “emotional distress caused by or as if by bereavement; mishap; disaster”.¹ ‘Bereaved’ is defined as “suffering the death of a loved one”. ² Now that I have the definitions of the words, does it make the situation any clearer or easier to journey through? It gives me a place to begin.

      Terrible things happen in this world. Few seem to happen with a logical or “fair” cause and effect. Since September 11, 2001, most of us in the United States have realized what people in most nations of the world already knew: disaster comes unexpectedly and destroys the lives of people that we may personally judge as ‘good’ as well as ‘evil’.

      In 1 Samuel 30, King David and his men come home from war to find their homes destroyed by fire and all their wives and children taken captive. So David and his men cried out loud until they were so tired they couldn't cry any more. (1 Samuel 30:4)

      Jesus has just fed 5,000 people and was then told of John the Baptist’s death. When Jesus heard about it, he got in a boat and went by himself to a deserted place. (Matthew 14:13)

      I believe that each loss is personal and the degree of grief or pain is personal and cannot be compared! Here is an example:

      In September 2004 the Gulf coast of Florida was hit by Hurricane Ivan. In Pensacola where I was living, we lost over 50% of our trees! My home, a trailer, was not touched! Yes, that was a miracle! Six days after Hurricane Ivan roared through our city, my 17-year-old son, James, died from cancer. Many friends who came to the celebration of his life, were struggling to celebrate, not only because they felt the sharp pain of missing James, but they were dealing with the loss of their homes! At best they may have only had a tree in their garage but many lived near the coast, evacuated, and came back to find … nothing, or very little. They were experiencing grief. Was their grief any less because it was brick or trees vs. their child? Why would I put myself in the position to judge that? God, a good Father, just sees His children in pain. When my child is stood up on a date or loses a ballgame, I know that the loss will probably not change his/her entire life but I see them in pain and so I just want to comfort them. Our Father’s love is so BIG that it can meet the size of my grief-need that comes from my heart.

      Chapter 2

      How Long?

      My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?

      Psalm 6:3

      I remember as a 15-year-old wishing that I was 16 and old enough to drive. I remember as an 18-year-old wishing I was 21 so I could do “everything!”. My mother (35 years older than me) would say to me, “Jo, don’t wish your life away.” I think she and I would finally be on the same page if we asked, “How long will this intense pain last?”, “How long will I feel like I am living in a pit?”, and “When will the days and nights seem easier?”

      It has always been amazing to me how the business world has determined that we can ‘get over’ a loss in three days. That is the usual number of Bereavement Days that a company will pay. Many will allow more flexibility but without pay. Most companies also have access to employee assistance programs that include counselors. But after three days most employers expect us to come back and become productive employees again. Frequent visits to the rest room to wipe away tears, just sitting and staring into space or at a paper on my desk is not tolerated for very long. Too bad – because it will happen!

      John 14-17 is an excellent place to read during this time when the pain is so fresh and intense that complicated thoughts are too much to handle. Take out your Bible and let’s look at some of Jesus’ important points that He was trying to give to the disciples who were also grieving. (These are my notes on the verses.)

       Don’t try to figure out all the troubles and the thoughts that whirl around right now. Trust God. Trust me. (John 14:1)

       I have given you my Spirit. Listen to what He says. He is the Spirit of truth. The world doesn’t accept Him because it cannot see Him. But you know Him because He lives in you. He makes us connect! He will remind you of what I have said. (John 14:15-21)

       I am the vine; you are the branches. Stay with me. Don’t turn away. If you hang in there with me, anything you ask, I will answer. I will help you through; help you to grow good fruit. (John 15:5-8)

       I love you. I love you. (John 15:9)

       If the world abandons you, remember it abandoned me first. You are mine so you really don’t expect to find answers or peace in its teachings. (John 15:18-19)

       I’ve told you this so you won’t get lost when things are bad. There may even be people in the church who will turn you away and try to kill your spirit with their rebukes and good advice, thinking they are speaking for God. (John 16:1-2)

       REMEMBER: I HAVE OVERCOME ALL THINGS OF THIS WORLD! EVEN DEATH AND ITS GRIEF!!! (John 16:33)

       I pray for all who will believe in me. May they come closer and closer to Me and learn from Me and lean more on Me. Their burdens will become mine. I will fill their empty spaces. (John 17:20-26)

      As hard as it is to focus, opening God’s words and just reading a few lines is nourishment to a thirsty person! You know when you have a stomach virus and all you want is some clear fizzy soda or a little light soup? God has many ‘sips’ of light verses that are full of the love and assurance we need in those first few months. Stick your straw in and sip from the perfectly refreshing Water of Life!