“And if I don’t want to?” Rei asked, his voice soft.
“Then do what you want,” Sho said nonchalantly, hiding the small sliver of gladness he felt.
Rei chuckled and shifted. “I… don’t know if I should.”
Sho moved to get up, grunting as he said, “Well it’s your choice, isn’t it?” He could feel Rei’s eyes following him as he walked back into the house. “I think I’m going to turn in,” Sho muttered. Maybe sleep was what he needed to clear his head. He had expected Rei to head indoors with him, but this time, Rei chose to stay on the walkway while Sho lay down to sleep.
It felt like Sho merely blinked, though, when he stirred to the vague sensation of something brushing across his cheek and heard a quiet murmur of his name. “Sho…”
“Hn?” Sho grunted groggily.
There was a sharp intake of breath. “You’re awake?” Rei whispered, startled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“What is it?” Sho slurred. Cracking his eyes open as he turned, Sho saw the vague outline of Rei illuminated by the light of low fire in the hearth behind him which reflected off his robes. It looked as if Rei’s pale skin was adorned by spots of multi-coloured lights in Sho’s blurry vision as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
“No, no, it’s nothing,” Rei muttered quickly. “Go back to sleep.”
“I’m awake,” declared Sho. His eyes still felt dry but it didn’t matter. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing. I was just thinking about… things,” Rei insisted. “Don’t worry about it, just go back to sleep.”
“You were touching my face, weren’t you?” Sho asked, speech still slurring. Adjusting his position, Sho lay on his side as he faced Rei.
Rei’s eyes grew wide and he turned flustered. “You must be mistaken! I don’t- I haven’t-”
“Weren’t there other occasions too?” Sho continued, looking past Rei to look at the wall behind him. “Though I think your hands were under my clothes.”
“Ah! No! I- That’s- You weren’t supposed to wake up…” Rei’s protests diminished into a whimper.
Sho hummed, amused by Rei’s denials. “What were you trying to achieve? Hm?” he muttered as he reached for Rei, who let Sho take hold of his fingers without much of a response.
Looking at Sho, Rei seemed to have words stuck in his throat while his eyes shone with unguarded feelings, with disquiet, with yearning. As affected as Sho was by Rei’s emotions, it was the honesty of it that struck Sho harder. Rei was usually so enigmatic with his actual sentiments hidden under the layers of teasing and playful flirting.
A shine in the gloom suddenly caught Sho’s attention. It was the bottle of rum that they were sharing earlier. Or rather, it was now just the bottle. Worry gripped Sho. It was still almost full when he went to bed. Rei never had that much to drink. Then again, Sho was usually there to take the bottle away.
Sho gently pulled Rei toward him, down towards his chest. “Rei, it’s fine, let’s just go to sleep, alright?” he coaxed.
“Sho…” Rei called, his voice barely a whisper as he looked up at Sho while held close. Before Sho could react, Rei reached up and pressed his lips to Sho’s, kissing him softly.
If there was any shred of drowsiness left in Sho, it had all been swept away by shock. He wasn’t upset by Rei’s affections, but he certainly wasn’t expecting it. He wasn’t even sure if this was something that will stick around when Rei turns sober.
Sho felt Rei’s lips part and push his tongue against Sho’s lips, teasing them open as Rei slid his tongue in. Rolling onto his back, Sho grunted, trying to hold back from giving in to Rei’s advances but Rei kept pushing, pinning Sho under him as he snaked his arms around Sho.
The cool fabric of Rei’s robes felt like silk against Sho’s skin, a contrast to the heat building within Sho, made starker by Rei’s chilly fingers caressing his face and body. Rei sucked on Sho’s lower lip before flicking his tongue against Sho’s once more and then shifting lower, to his jaw and neck.
“Rei…” Sho growled low, taking in deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down. It didn’t seem like Rei heard him. Feeling Rei’s hand slip under his robe and run over his chest, Sho gasped and tightened his arm around Rei.
“Rei!” Sho hissed, his tone growing sharp. Still no response. Deciding to take things into his own hands, Sho held Rei as he rolled over. Rei lay wide-eyed and frozen under Sho, stunned by Sho’s aggressive move and the sudden switch in their positions.
“Rei, please! Stop!” Sho pleaded.
“But why?” whined Rei. His face scrunched up as frustrated tears filled his eyes. “Aren’t I one of the things you wanted?”
Sho flinched. Was that the ‘other’ thing that has been bothering Rei? But how could Rei tell? He wasn’t that easy to read, was he?
Quickly recovering, Sho muttered disapprovingly, “You’re not a thing!” Rei looked away and pouted, chastened. “And not now! Not when you’re like this!”
Rei rubbed his pelvis against Sho’s groin, making Sho lurch closer to Rei with a surprised grunt. “But you want me, don’t you? Sho?” Rei purred, his voice low and seductive.
Cursing violently, Sho grabbed the blanket and bundled Rei up in it. “For fuck’s sake go to sleep,” Sho said, ignoring Rei’s protests and struggles.
As Sho wrapped his arms and legs around Rei, restraining him, a devilish grin appeared on Rei’s face. “I can feel you,” he whispered in a sing-song voice.
Sho felt pressure against his crotch. His face growing warm, he headbutted Rei, smacking his forehead into the other man’s. It hurt but that stopped Rei. “I said stop it! I’m not doing anything with you when you’re this drunk!”
“I’m not drunk!” Rei whined again.
“Just listen to yourself!” Sho reprimanded, unyielding in his stance as Rei continued complaining.
Eventually, Rei gave up, resigning himself to be content with nuzzling against Sho while curled up in the blanket. By the time Sho finally fell back asleep, the hearth had died and he was beginning to feel the cold creep under his skin, pulling him into an uncomfortable sleep.
Journal
Day 19
Oh, joy. I developed a fever overnight. Turns out sleeping without covers is a bad idea. Then again, we’re not in the tropics after all. Rei was really sorry for this, quite upset with himself too when he woke up. He does remember what he did last night though. He didn’t seem as sorry about that compared to me getting sick. I guess he knew what he was doing after all.
I wanted to head out but Rei wouldn’t let me. He wanted me to rest while he went to get the compass. But he wouldn’t give me the covers. He said I’m not supposed to add more heat to my body. He insisted on that even though I’m fucking shivering my ass off.
He fucking dunked me in a cold bath too. I should’ve known better than to expect a hot one when he said he prepared it. He’s a maniac.
I hate him.
No, you don’t
Who said you could look in here. Let alone write in here.
:)
Day 20
He rests
Day