A presence at her shoulder brought her back to where she stood on the veranda.
‘Come inside,’ Jake said. ‘The mozzie coil’s burnt out. You’ll get bitten.’
As if in a daze, she followed him to the dining room where they sat down again. Eyeing him across the table, Merryn mulled over his threat. For some time, they sat staring at each other.
‘Oh Jake,’ she eventually said. ‘You’ve really turned into a bastard, haven’t you?’
For a second she wondered if Vietnam hadn’t got to him after all. Had the atrocities he’d seen and been part of warped his mind? Changed his personality?
Jake felt a slight panic. Somehow he’d imagined Merryn would be okay about what had happened by now. He was surprised at how angry she still was. Normally, she was so mild.
He gave a tight smile. ‘I’m sorry...’
‘Forget it, Jake.’
Merryn knew she should get up and go. Leave him to contemplate his threats. She couldn’t, for it was as though she was glued to her seat. Waiting to see what else he had in store for her.
All of a sudden his hand reached across the table. ‘I was only joking, Merryn...of course I wouldn’t tell. By the same token, it’s probably best if we both forget we were ever engaged, don’t you think?’
Merryn didn’t move and she didn’t say anything. For what was there to say? Of all the things she had expected, the threat he had made was not one of them. And he didn’t appear to be joking when he said it.
‘Thanks,’ she murmured absently, when a basket with a small spatchcock, crisped to the colour of leatherwood honey, was placed in front of her. Suddenly she had little appetite.
‘Did you hear me?’ Jake asked, after the waitress had also placed a sizzling steak on a steel platter nestled into a piece of wood carved in the shape of a cow before him.
‘Yes, I did,’ Merryn murmured. She fiddled with the chicken, putting only the tiniest morsels of flesh in her mouth. ‘No, Jake,’
she said. ‘Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.’ She tried to contain the anger that the burning in her eyes betrayed.
‘Thanks,’ he muttered. Then he threw her a quizzical look. ‘But as I’ve asked you umpteen times, why on earth did you have to come and put yourself through all this?’
Merryn stared into Jake’s eyes. She felt an urge to scream, to yell at him, to blast words into the air, let the other diners hear. Embarrass him. Instead she spoke softly with gritted teeth.
‘You know as well as I do. Because despite what’s happened, I can’t get my flying hours up anywhere else. It’s just unfortunate this is where you are, Jake.’
‘I see.’
‘Well, I’m glad for small mercies.’
Chagrined, he looked away, and then turned back. ‘I’m sorry, Merry...really I am ... but it’ll work out. Maybe you’ll meet someone else soon and forget about me.’
She flinched as he used his pet version of her name. ‘Do me a favour, Jake. Please never call me Merry, ever again. You’re the only one that calls me that. And yes, you’re probably right. It was all some ghastly mistake, and we’ll both live happily ever after.’
He looked as though he was about to say something, and then thought better of it. Merryn pushed her plate aside, stood up, and went to the restroom. When she returned, he was smoking a cigarette. She picked up the engraved leather and gold case she’d given him for a Duntroon graduation present and knocked a cigarette out.
‘Thought you’d given up?’
‘I had. But I’ve taken it up again. Listen,’ she said, stifling a strained yawn, ‘I’m tired...it must be jet lag. Reckon I’ll take this back to my room and smoke it there.’
He nodded. ‘Yes, I’m sure you’re exhausted. Can’t say I blame you. It’s a bloody long trip. You go back up. I’ll just finish my drink.’ Then he thought better of himself. ‘Would you like me to see you to your room?’
For a moment she stood staring at him. Here he was, offering to see her to her room, like a good gentleman should. Had he already persuaded himself she was just a friend of Prue’s? A childhood friend he’d been saddled with to look after. Had he convinced himself that’s all she’d ever been to him? Forgotten how they loved? Didn’t he realise what he’d done to her? Did he think it was that easy?
She picked her key off the table. ‘C’mon, Jake...don’t try being the gentleman now. I’m quite capable of walking up by myself, thank you very much. Go get your beauty sleep...so you’ll be bright and cheery for Amanda tomorrow.’ She raised her voice. ‘We don’t want you looking haggard for your brand new fiancee, do we now?’
Jake lifted his hand in a sign of silence. ‘Please, Merryn! Shush...someone will hear.’
‘Well we can’t have that, can we?’ She turned to walk away, and then swivelled back on him. ‘I wish you all the best, Jake.’ She gave a tight unpleasant smile. ‘Sorry I wasn’t enough for you. I hope you find what you’re looking for with Amanda.’ She moved towards the veranda, throwing words over her shoulder. ‘Have a happy life, Jake. Fare thee well, as Bob Dylan would say. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.’
She knew she was being an absolute bitch, but she couldn’t help herself. And didn’t he deserve it?
In the wake of her outburst, the silence in the room fell like a cushion. Heads lifted, and curious eyes followed her path.
‘Mind your own bloody business,’ Jake wanted to say as the eyes now turned accusingly on him. Instead, ignoring their stares, he jumped up and went after Merryn, catching her halfway down the veranda. He put a hand on her shoulder.
Angrily, she shoved it off and fumbled inside her bag. ‘Here... you might as well have this.’ She held out her engagement ring. ‘It’s not much use to me now. Maybe you can give it to Amanda. Or have you already given her one? I believe Moresby’s a bit short on jewellery stores. But no doubt her daddy organised that too, or did you order it by catalogue? Angus and Coote?’
She shoved the ring into the palm of his hand.
‘Keep it, Merryn. I don’t want it. It’s yours.’
‘Fine lot of use it’ll be to me unless I just happen to find a fiance a bit short on cash...”don’t worry about the engagement ring...I’ve already got one.” Probably gives me more chance of snaring someone, now that I think of it.’
For a moment Jake stood there, jiggling the ring from one hand to the other. Again he tried to give it to her, but she turned her back on him and went to go. ‘Come on, Merryn,’ he pleaded. ‘Please don’t be so bitter.’ He touched her on the shoulder. ‘I’m a bastard. I know. But I didn’t mean to hurt you. Really I didn’t. It’s just that...well...life changes course without one really knowing. Don’t you reckon it’s best we found out now...and not later? What if we got married and then found out?’
She swung around. ‘Best you found out, Jake. And yes! You are a bastard—a right proper one if you must know.’ She was really worked up now unable to contain her trembling mouth. She put a knuckle to her top lip.
‘Does it help,’ Jake said, ‘that I really care about you, despite what’s happened ... and...?’ He trailed off not sure what to say next.
Some sort of caring, Merryn thought, when you’ve just threatened to tell the whole world how I gave up my child.
‘I don’t know,’ she said wearily. ‘And quite frankly, Jake, I couldn’t give a shit.’ Her voice sounded foreign as though she was listening from far away.