3. They wished that they had expressed their feelings. Apparently they suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with other Detractors again. As a result they say they settled for a mediocre existence along with many illnesses directly related to the “bitterness and resentment” they suffered. Too late, so sad. So listen up and learn from LAP™.
4. They wished that they had made themselves happier by staying in touch with friends. Every one said they missed their friends when they died. They let friendships slip over the years. Preferences again. Most of us can and should nurture those friendships we cherish. It is within our power. Early warning . . . take heed.
5. They wished that they had realized that happiness is a choice, a decision. They stayed in old habits reinforced by Detractors. They did not face up to their own rationalizations. They wished that they had “owned” rather than rationalizing their feelings and the decisions they made that kept them from being happier. Fear of change and Detractors had them pretending to the end that they were content.
No Wishing No Fruitless Regretting — My Solutions
1. Commit to thinking and doing for yourselves and then others only Good, Right, Helpful and Better — the basics of character. All require decision-making. Practice Your Personal Victory Process in LAP™.
2. Learn the lessons of Living, Loving, Learning, Laughing and Leaving this planet as found in this volume and on my blog at Lazar Achievement Psychology.com. The sooner in life that someone sees them, reads them absorbs them and then masters them, the faster there will be less regretting at the end. The goal is “I did it and I will not regret that I did it. Man, I am happy living this way.” Some have come up with a “Bucket List” — things I must do before I die. Not a bad idea at all.
3. Being In Touch With Your Own Feelings. LAP™ shows the difference between feelings and thoughts and how to express them to reduce your stress. Leaving this life requires knowing all of these wishes and regrets will befall you should you not “own” your own lives ASAP. Then master the ways to make the decisions to maximize joy that are within your capability to do. It helps to prepare all of us to leave this life peacefully and fulfilled.
4. In the proverbial nutshell, I offer one of the most important things I have ever learned. It is this, “If you don’t do it you will always regret it and if you do it you’ll never regret it.” So decisions at every juncture have to consider the situation in terms of the short and long-term consequences. It is not always easy to assess this. But if the situation is of sufficient magnitude to you, then it makes good sense to bring this philosophy into play. For in the end and there is one for you too, living is a plethora of decisions to manage in order to Achieve Happiness and Joy and Health with you in Control of your own life.
5. The Other Skills ToAchieving: Not Regretting In our blog (LazarAchievementPsychology.com) you can find the art of expressing your feelings (Fear, Anger, Pain, Sorrow and Joy) in real time. Be the manager of your own life . . . not allowing yourselves to be a Managee, and thereby become an Achiever despite Detractors. The skill is “Ownership” not “Rationalization”. Make certain that you take full Responsibility and Accountability for your life with no excuses or blaming others right to the end. Know how to get the rewards for living with Love and Character. Never suffer the punishment to yourself by yourself.
6. Now You Will Be Prepared To Leave!
Who Are You? You are what you were before you were, what you have become, what you are now and are yet to be in eternity.
—Dr. Richard G. Lazar
Introduction
The Character-Based Management Concepts and Skills for All Time are core to The New American Leadership System™. They are fundamental to winning in life and work. They are not technical skills such as marketing, finance, engineering, manufacturing or programming. They are basic conceptual and human skills. They are ways and tools to succeed with people. They are especially effective when an organization chooses to implement, reinforce and reward their people for the practice of these Character-Based Management Concepts and Skills for All Time. We hope that more and more leaders will see the wisdom and value of these skills in their entirety for all of their people, from the top down.
The Character-Based Management Concepts and Skills for All Time need to be studied and practiced. They are simple-not easy. Please do not treat them casually or as some do. “Sure I know this stuff. It is just common sense.” Many of us have failed tests in school assuming “common sense” will substitute for study.
Do yourself and your people a real favor. Use these Character-Based Management Concepts and Skills for All Time with all those who you want to keep around you. It has proven to be worth millions of dollars to many whom I know and have worked with. This includes me.
—Dr. Richard G. Lazar
Chapter One – What is the New American Leadership System™?
Leadership with a Heart!
The New American Leadership System™ is a complete system of management. It has a point of view. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is truly a two-way approach in every way. It applies to you and those you manage. It is:
•Based on research and 30 years of experience in working with effective and ineffective leaders, managers and organizations.
•Not an easy-to-do-manual—not a fad — but a common-sense approach to victory.
•Hard-nosed. It is tough love in action. It ensures a mutual commitment to Empowerment. No nonsense and no surprises are expected and delivered.
•More effective over a long run than other management approaches.
•A product derived from the most successful high-technology managers, information resource managers, service industry managers, sales and marketing managers, international bank managers and Federal government managers.
What does it contain? What is it based on?
The New American Leadership System™ contains the essential concepts and skills for leaders and managers. It is Character-Based management. It is philosophy, processes, relationships, unique motivation management, performance management, Team Excellence™ management, constructive conflict management, interpersonal communications, and productivity and quality management. It also provides tools to identify and select managers, keys to improving the functions of management and practical ways to master stress and manage time to achieve your goals. It describes precisely the necessary skills to do the job. And it defines the six critical Principles of Leadership and the ten vital Qualities of Leaders.
It also provides tools to measure your progress on all of The New American Leadership System™ concepts and skills. The theory underlying The New American Leadership System™ is Theory L Management, which was developed, tested and refined with thousands of real-world leaders, managers and individual contributors. It needs you to use your heart and mind to make it work. You are on a journey with checkpoints along the way.
Enjoy it and you will be healthy, successful and in control.
A Look Back and A Look Forward
In our book, Beyond 1984, published in 1984, my son Scott, a Vassar College Senior, and I dealt with how close the USA came to George Orwell’s predictions in his own epic book 1984 published in 1953. The incredibly intelligent Vassar College faculty that provided portions of our book back then have been proven prophetic 26 years later on most predictions that they made in response to my request. I am proud of them as I re-read their thoughts now. I was also prophetic about one massive concept that I termed back then ... ‘Impersonism’. I saw it emerge in the 1970’s and apparently it