Maybe there were other factors about riding the bicycle that made me happy. I’ll return to what these were later in the book, but for the moment I’ll leave the bike riding incident as an example of how happiness can often come in the simplest things. Often it is momentary and unexpected.
What purpose do these moments serve?
Another feature of these moments is that they often come at low points in a person’s life. It seems logically strange, but sometimes there is a thin dividing line between sadness, suffering, and happiness. Think back. Has this happened to you? Think back to the low points in your life, when things were going against you, when everything you touched went wrong. Invariably, many, many people report that right at the lowest ebb of their misery they have experienced a sudden and unexpected moment of deep and satisfying happiness. It is as if a little trap door had opened for just a moment in the roof of their dungeon showing them a glimpse of heaven. And in that moment the first speck of light suddenly grew to a strong beam, flooding the dark space.
Here is an extract from a letter I received recently. It is from a businessman who was doing it so tough, he often had to sleep in his car at a roadside stop just to save the few dollars it would have cost him to drive back home and drive out again next morning to the starting point for his day’s work. It reads:
One morning, after sleeping the night in my car, I awoke in a curiously happy mood. This was unexpected and inexplicable. The outward circumstances of my life and my business were appallingly bad. I had gone from success to failure. I had spent months worrying about things and by all logical measures I had no reason for feeling happy.
And yet, on this morning when I awoke, I didn’t just wake up in a happy mood, I felt totally serene – a deep joyfulness about being alive. My logical mind tried to interpose, ‘Stop feeling so happy, you’ve got nothing to be so happy about.’ But some inner light within my spirit was telling me to be elevated in this moment of pure and boundless joy.
In the mild light before the dawn I lay in the back seat of my car in a relaxed mood and savoured the moment. I watched the low bands of grey clouds above the eastern horizon through the back window and became aware that my senses were alert to every detail in the countryside around me. Far away on the horizon I watched the subtle interplay of colours in the clouds as the sun began to rise. Close to the car I looked at the little grasses and leaves with an intense appreciation I had never experienced before. All the time I was struck by the awe of this intense feeling of well-being.
I have experienced happiness on many occasions since then, but I have never again experienced a moment of such ecstatic and pure bliss. I will always remember that morning. I will also always remember the strange feeling of knowing there was no apparent reason for my happiness.
How do we explain those moments and what purpose do they serve? Can we re-use them now in some way? Are these spontaneous moments like the flashes of light in a diamond field telling us that there is more to be found?
Let’s move away from the spontaneous for a moment. By reviewing our lives we can also see there are other moments of happiness, deep and abiding, that seem to come from a process, a conscious process. They often seem to come at the end of a period of hard work or striving and are often associated with the metaphor of being on a journey. On these occasions happiness has come from the whole sequence of events of a journey: planning and choosing a destination, setting out on the journey, committing to an end goal, tackling obstacles and challenges along the way and, finally, arriving at the destination itself.
The journey and destination vary from individual to individual, but typically, happiness is derived from the realisation of the long held goal. The goal is the moment we often savour but true happiness has usually been part of the entire journey.
Here is an example. It tells the experience of a junior officer serving in the Special Air Service Regiment (SAS). He was an energetic man wanting to experience everything in life. Just the effort required to gain entry to this elite unit was, in itself, a great achievement. But he always wanted to experience more, and so, even whilst posted to the SAS he enrolled at University to complete a degree by part time study. It was really an effort for him to fit in all this study with the demands of army life, which often took him away to courses and exercises.
One day in January, high summer, he lay on his back on the neatly manicured lawn in front of the University’s Great Hall, a magnificent building of hewn limestone blocks. He was waiting for the exam results to be posted in the large window in the undercroft. He tried to relax. But the anticipation was filling him with a mix of emotions. He shaded his eyes with his forearm, looked into the sky and thought over and over, “I want to be a graduate of this University. I want to be a graduate of this University.”
Then a flurry of excitement as the notices went up. He joined the crowd of jostling students. Suddenly there it was – his name on the list. His eyes flicked across – “I’ve passed. I’ve done it, I’ve done it!” He was exhilarated, and deserved to be, for his achievement had required a long period of dedication and study. There had been many moments when it would have been easier for him to give up and get on with more practical things.
In the melee of happy students there was a general excitement, back slapping, hand shaking and congratulations. Everyone was happy in the shared exhilaration of success. Then there came the time to savour the personal happiness by himself. He hopped on his motorbike and rode off gleefully. His track took him around the scenic drive along the Swan River in Perth towards Claremont and home and family. The warm air ruffled at the loose fitting T-shirt as he went and the mild breeze swept around his bare arms and legs with a sensual feeling of physical well-being. He felt terrific. He felt like a million dollars. This is an example of the type of happiness that comes when people have worked for it.
It just so happens that the person who slept in the back of the car and the person who lay on the lawn outside the University’s Great Hall were one and the same man. This shows it is possible for the same individual to experience both forms of happiness – that which comes from the Universe as a gift, and that which is earned through work. It is not uncommon – everyone has experienced both forms of happiness. Think about your own life. Is this true for you?
Comparing the two experiences, the unexpected moment and the moment we have worked for, it seems some moments of happiness come to us by accident and some come by design. Each is an equally valid experience of happiness. What can we do to re-create them? Can we work towards being happy? Is it possible to combine the two, working in such a way to increase the chances of having some ‘accidental’ happiness, as well as having happiness we set out to achieve.
I believe the answer to both questions, ‘Intentional’ happiness and ‘Accidental’ happiness, is – definitely YES. This book deals primarily with the first question, the things you can do to create happiness intentionally. But I am also sure that by creating happiness intentionally, you will also create the circumstances, and mind set, for literally hundreds, thousands even, of wonderfully exciting moments of spontaneous happiness to occur.
Let me now return to the question of why we have the moments of accidental happiness and happiness in the midst of misery. My fundamental belief about these moments is that they are special moments of spiritual insight. I’m sure that it is the way the Universe, or God, or whatever word you want to use, opens up to us for a moment to show us the potential is there.
An important step to be taken by those who have achieved the happiness of the journey is to immediately reset a new plan and set out on a new journey – even in the moment of excitement when the destination of the old journey has been reached.
An associate of mine has related to me how there have been parts of her life that have been quite plagued by aimlessness, inability to reach any goal and, at moments, almost despair. She has certainly experienced the strange feeling of a sudden and intensely happy insight at a time of