Hector and Kate slumped onto the floor of the landing. Only now did the question of what to do next hit them. They were stuck in a French château with no way down from the first floor, and a mad murdering robot was making them hot chocolate.
‘What about the servant’s stairs?’ asked Hector, ‘Really big houses like this have servant stairs, don’t they.’
‘No, not here, I think they must have removed them, probably security,’ Kate answered. Kate buried her head in her hands.
‘Oh no Hector, what are we going to do?’
‘It’ll be all right,’ said Hector, ‘we seem to have been given a sporting chance.’
‘Oh yes,’ replied Kate sarcastically, ‘a mad robot that intends to give us hot chocolate and then murder us, and just in case we escape another madman is on our trail who can thump holes in prison walls. Very sporting!’
‘Why don’t we shoot her?’ asked Hector.
‘Have you seen the number of holes in her already, and they have made no difference,’ said Kate, despondently.
‘No,’ said Hector, ‘but water might. How about you shoot her and I’ll use the fire extinguisher.’
‘OK,’ said Kate, ‘but watch out for the machine guns in her chest.’
‘I think she’s out of ammunition,’ said Hector with a shrug, ‘She shot loads and loads..,’ Hector stopped as Mrs Warp appeared once more.
Mrs Warp’s bottom was no longer alight, but she seemed to be fizzing and crackling more than before.
‘I have put the milk in the microwave dears,’ said Mrs Warp in her robot voice. ‘I will climb the outside of the building and find some sheets you can use to climb down.’
Mrs Warp disappeared into the night, and Kate and Hector raced upstairs to stop her getting through any of the windows. They ran from room to room to see where she was attempting to climb.
‘Hang on,’ said Hector, ‘she can’t climb, she only has one hand.’
‘Oh yes she can,’ said Kate, who was looking out of one of the windows.
Hector joined her, and to his horror saw that Mrs Warp was climbing the building using just one hand. One finger would dig into the corner of the building then another finger would extend further and get a higher grip. Mrs Warp’s hand was anything but normal. The whole thing looked bizarre and revolting. Mrs Warp was moving slowly but inexorably up the outside of the château.
‘Shoot her Kate,’ yelled Hector, as he rushed to find a fire extinguisher.
When Hector returned Kate had emptied every bullet into Mrs Warp, whose eyes were now flashing red and blue.
‘Good shooting dear,’ said Mrs Warp in a robot voice.
Hector aimed the fire extinguisher and emptied it all over Mrs Warp.
‘Oh dear, these cardigans never fall back into shape once they’ve been soaked,’ said Mrs Warp, in the same robot tone.
Hector stepped back, convinced that nothing would stop Mrs Warp. Kate flashed past just as Mrs Warp reached the window, and hit her hard on the head with the blunt side of the axe. Mrs Warp wobbled and more sparks flew out. Kate hit her again and again. Suddenly there was a whir and a slump as Mrs Warp’s lights went out.
‘Thank goodness,’ groaned Kate as she sat on the floor. ‘If she comes back to life we’ll use the bomb.’
‘We can’t,’ said Hector, ‘I put it in that time safe.’
‘Time safe?’ questioned Kate, ‘What time safe?’
‘The one in the kitchen,’ replied Hector, ‘I put the bomb in and selected the time I wanted it to be kept safe.’
‘There isn’t a time safe,’ said Kate.
‘Yes there is,’ retorted Hector, ‘between the fridge and the chopping board.’
‘Hector, you idiot, that’s the microwave. You put the bomb in the microwave,’ said Kate with incredulity.
‘Well it’s not my fault, it didn’t look like a microwave; it didn’t have a Start button,’ explained Hector.
‘That’s because it’s in French. Are you sure you didn’t start it?’ asked Kate.
‘Sure, but Mrs Warp did for the hot chocolate,’ said Hector slowly.
‘Oh no!’ wailed Kate, ‘we’re trapped!’
‘We’ll be OK,’ said Hector confidently, ‘Most explosives will not go off in a microwave.’
‘How do you know this?’
‘I looked it up on Google. All the boys at school know what will explode in a microwave. C4, the plastic explosive, is really safe.’
‘Are you sure?’ Kate asked, her confidence returning.
There was a bang from downstairs as the microwave exploded.
‘What was that?’ Kate asked.
‘I think it was the microwave exploding,’ replied Hector, ‘but it was only a small explosion.’
There was another bang and then a rushing noise. Kate turned to glare at Hector.
‘It’s started a fire, hasn’t it?’
‘Let’s go and have a look,’ Hector suggested.
‘Are you a complete idiot? What sort of person advances towards the flames when things are exploding?’ Kate declared rather than asking, as there were more bangs and the roar from the rapidly spreading fire began to grow.
‘The rope slide!’ bellowed Hector, as they both rushed for the top floor.
Once they had burst into the room on the top floor they discovered several sliders. Hector and Kate took one each and pushed off. It was strange after the panicked rush to the slide to be drifting through the quiet night making hardly a sound. Good rope slides are kept slightly loose so that the person using it naturally slows down near the end of the rope. Kate and Hector were surprised to find themselves slowing down high above the ground. Before they knew it they had landed on a platform high in a very large tree. Two surprised French policemen were asking them questions in French.
‘Something’s gone wrong,’ Kate explained.
‘Are you sure?’ asked one of the policemen in a thick accent.
‘Yes,’ said Hector, ‘Mrs Warp, but we’ve fixed it.’
‘Fixed it?’ questioned the police officer, just as the fire in the château exploded through its windows.
The police officers looked at the château in horror, and then one of them began talking into his radio. The other policeman began hooking Kate up to a harness looped over another rope slide.
‘Bandit,’ shouted Hector, pointing to the ground.
There he was, trotting happily along, seemingly unperturbed by the ball of flame the château had become. Kate watched him as she was pushed off, down the second rope slide.
Once Kate reached the end of the slide she could see several police officers, some with machine guns. Surprisingly, Inspector Smithson was there, along with another man, who appeared to be in charge.
‘I am Inspector Mason. Where is Mrs Warp?’ asked the man in a French accent.
‘In the château, but there is something you should know,’ stuttered Kate, ‘She’s a robot. She tried to kill us.’
‘Impossible,’ said Inspector Mason, ‘She would only protect you. She is programmed only to help. She is the finest example of French engineering. But, if she is lost, destroyed...it would