Their sleepy talk soon turned to conspiracy. Kate and Hector were for once agreed; they should keep Bandit. Hector had a range of thoughts on how Mum and Dad could be manipulated, deceived and emotionally blackmailed.
Hector’s favourite plan was to convince Dad that he should take up clay pigeon shooting. They should then claim Bandit was a highly trained gun dog. Kate pointed out that gun dogs were for retrieving birds that had been shot, and clay pigeon shooting did not involve shooting real birds.
Kate favoured emotional blackmail. She believed they should emphasise the shock and fear the attack on the plane had caused, following on from the bomb attack on Dad’s car. Bandit was a source of security, and if Mum and Dad did not want them to grow up emotionally scarred they should allow them to keep this source of warmth and hope.
Hector privately thought it was the best plan, but could not agree on the grounds that his sister had thought of it. He suggested variations on his ideas as he and Kate spoke in the darkness, over Bandit’s increasingly loud snores. Neither he nor Kate could recall slipping off into a deep sleep.
There was a shot from the grounds. Kate woke first, wondering whether she had imagined the sound. It was dark and silent as Kate looked around for a clock. There were more shots and these woke Hector. Kate and Hector looked at each other through the gloom of the darkened bedroom, and then got out of bed and ran to the window.
There was shouting in French and then two bursts of automatic gunfire. After this there was an eerie silence that seemed to last for minutes, but only lasted seconds. Then there was frantic shouting followed by three explosions.
A huge squat figure was running across the furthest lawn towards the house. Sludge had broken through. He was coming to kill them.
Beneath them another figure had emerged from the house. The gardener was running towards Sludge, clearly aiming a gun. Sludge saw him, dived to his left, rolled and shot. The gardener slumped to the ground.
Next, Mrs Warp ran across the lawn. She had a strange sort of run, like someone who has had running explained to them, and even seen diagrams, but never actually practised it. Sludge fired twice, but he must have missed because Mrs Warp did not stop. Mrs Warp then pulled something from her pocket and threw it towards Sludge. Sludge could be seen to half-grab it, push it away, and then scurry around the other side of the fountain in the centre of the lawn. The brief flash from the hand-grenade Mrs Warp had thrown showed that she had adjusted her direction and was now heading towards the fountain. Sludge rolled around the edge of the fountain and fired a volley of shots, none of which hit Mrs Warp.
Sludge launched himself across the fountain, and was clearly surprised, judging by his yell, to be hit hard by Mrs Warp. They fell, thrashing into the water of the fountain. Mrs Warp hit Sludge again and again, while Sludge replied with blows of his own.
‘She’s amazing, how does she do that?’ Hector asked in awe.
‘I think it’s because she’s not fighting Sludge, as Sludge would beat her in a fight,’ said Kate in a tone of horrible realisation. ‘I think the French have repelled Sludge but been betrayed, and that man she is fighting is trying to save us from her; he’s trying to save us from Mrs Warp.’
‘Oops,’ said Hector, ‘let’s go downstairs, but take the gun.’
A short time later they were downstairs. Kate and Hector had quickly dressed. Kate had the gun tucked into her shorts. Hector had unwisely hidden the bomb in his underpants. Bandit had followed them down, hoping to join in the fun. As expected, Mrs Warp was already back in the kitchen.
‘Everything’s all right dears. I think that Mrs Sludge has left us alone for the moment.’
‘You didn’t kill him then?’ asked Hector.
‘No, I tried, but she’s, he’s, she’s, he’s, surprisingly strong,’ said Mrs Warp in her usual, calm, pleasant tone.
‘Now, let’s have you two off to bed,’ she added, smiling reassuringly.
‘Shouldn’t we get help for the people that have been hurt?’ Kate asked.
‘Is Burt hurt, Burt hurt, Burt hurt?’ Mrs Warp asked.
‘Sorry,’ said Kate, confused. ‘I don’t know who Bert is?’
‘There is no Burt here, ear, bear, fear, vinegar,’ said Mrs Warp, shuddering slightly.
Kate noticed a fizz and a crackle, and then Hector tugged at her arm and was pointing to Mrs Warp’s legs.
They had holes in them, and lower holes had water seeping out.
‘She’s a cyborg,’ yelled Hector, just as Mrs Warp lent forwards, gripped the kitchen table and crushed the thick wood to splinters.
Kate saw Hector dash around the kitchen and open a small door.
‘Hector, what are you doing, run!’ yelled Kate.
There was a burst of machine gun fire as Mrs Warp’s chest opened to reveal two barrels with flame flying from each one. Mrs Warp reached for the fridge to steady herself and pulled it to the ground. As the fridge contents rolled to the floor Bandit took his chance, and threw himself head-first into the food.
Kate and Hector ran for the stairs, and scrambled up. At the first landing Kate paused to turn and look. Hector hit her hard in the side with a half-shove, half-rugby tackle.
‘Keep going, keep going,’ he yelled.
It was lucky they did keep going, as moments later a volley of machine-gun fire ripped through the place they had been standing. Mrs Warp was staggering about firing. Most of the bullets were exploding into the staircase, sending wood splitters flying everywhere. Mrs Warp’s right arm began revolving wildly, making it difficult for her to keep her balance, there were sparks coming out of her neck, and a small fire had started near her bottom. Mrs Warp was definitely not human.
Kate stood transfixed as Mrs Warp advanced towards the stairs still firing. As her foot reached the first step she stopped firing and spoke. She still had the same smiling face, but her voice was very different; she sounded like a robot with a cheap speech synthesiser.
‘Would you like a cup of hot chocolate, is that why you came downstairs?’ asked Mrs Warp.
‘Go away,’ yelled Kate, just as she noticed that Hector was missing.
Mrs Warp began to advance unsteadily up the stairs. They were creaking and groaning, which was not surprising given that most of the top step had been shot away by the machine guns in Mrs Warp’s chest.
‘This will do the trick,’ yelled Hector, appearing suddenly with the axe he had taken earlier.
Hector began to chop at the tattered top step. The creaking grew louder, and as Mrs Warp was just four steps from the top, the whole staircase gave way. Mrs Warp fell, briefly. Her hand caught the edge of the landing as she fell, and amazingly she held on to the rest of the staircase with her other hand.
Hector advanced with the axe.
‘Don’t do that,’ said Mrs Warp, in her robot voice, ‘I want to tuck you in.’
‘Rip our limbs off more like,’ said Hector, as he raised the axe once more.
‘No Hector,’ yelled Kate, ‘You can’t cut nanny’s hand off.’
‘She’s not a nanny; she’s a murdering robot on a mission to kill us!’ Hector exclaimed.
Mrs Warp smiled and looked from Kate to Hector. Kate was momentarily lost in thought.
‘Fair point,’ said Kate, ‘Get on with it.’
It took quite a bit of chopping to remove Mrs Warp from the landing, but her hand finally