In my teenage years, I saw my mom in many different roles. She expended every effort to model the behavior she expected from us. She embodied the roles of educator, disciplinarian, and nurturer. She always demonstrated the educator. The wise old saying "Do as I do, not as I say," comes to mind - she certainly led by example. "The disciplinarian"... my sister and I had to keep up with our obligations -- no ands, if, or buts, they needed to be done. Lastly "the nurturer"... I remember her telling us, "Smile and you may make someone's day better." At times I did think of her as too strict though. Her unpredictability along with interchanging multiple roles was profound. Now that I am a parent, I understand why.
Many years later, while in the delivery room with my wife, watching my son Sloan enter this world, flashes of my life came to the forefront. Feeling overjoyed with excitement, I suddenly realized I wanted and needed to be a strong father figure for him and asked myself the all-important questions: What do I want for my child? Where will I gather information? What is my plan of action to achieve the goals I have set? In that moment, I truly understood the questions and decisions my mother and grandmother were faced with. When my son was born... into a world of manipulation, false hopes, and empty promises... I wanted to make sure he would be surrounded by people who truly had his best interest in mind.
Parenting can be overwhelming. So, where do we start? How should we raise our children? Do we replicate our parents' methods? Do we revise those methods based on social changes? Do we start over with what we believe to be correct? I believe we must do all of the above. In trying to figure out the answers to my own personal questions, can a template be formed for all children? Through years of different professions as a teacher, father, and scientist, I wondered if a system could be created. To help parents solve some basic scenarios along the path to success.
Another question is, "Does our lifestyle, the people we associate with, and who we are, influence our judgments when parenting?" In some instances yes, in others no... Children are less likely to do things they aren't aware of, so we must expose them to positive, healthy options. One of the best examples is food... children are less likely to crave candy bars and fast food if they are given in moderation. But, if you frequently introduce them to healthy foods, they'll pick and choose the foods they enjoy most. If your children make a habit of eating healthy food options, it could help them develop, maintain, and enjoy good health overall. We often take for granted our status of well-being. Health can be a tricky obstacle depending on family history. Knowing the facts and staying informed allows us to be proactive.
Social behavior at times is dictated by our peers and environment. While we cannot always have complete control over the social influences to which our children are exposed; guiding their curiosity is fostered by creating a trusting relationship with your child. If guidance is not over-reached, then children will be able to effectively choose healthy relationships and make positive choices. Children can be influenced to seek the things they know and don't know, especially when they become older. Providing solid guidance can help them avoid the pitfalls such as drug use and addiction. While developing these relationships, we need to remember trust is the key.
Educational standards can definitely be set regardless of the environment you live in. We hear constantly the disparities between families of wealthy, middle and low income families. As we raise our children, we must ask ourselves, Are we providing them too few or too many options? Are they educated enough to make the right choices? Is there a limit on what will be tolerated? All these questions are vital. We should expose our kids to different options... at the same time; we need to be cautious of the options the world offers to them. Deciding when and how to raise our children is often taken for granted. Genetics and environmental factors influence a child at the moment of conception. We should never wait until birth to begin asking important questions about childrearing. Create a plan that indicates what you aspire for your children to become and how you plan to help them get there. But, recognize that they may fall short or exceed your expectations.
As parents, we strive to provide opportunities for our children to become successful... we also hope they're happy. However, what success and happiness means will differ from child to child. As a parent there will be times you will feel alone and not possess the strength to move forward... maybe even feel like everything is going wrong. This is okay. Ask for help from educators, family members, and friends. Encouraging people will be there to help you, but you must ask for that help. Now and again we need the help of someone more knowledgeable than ourselves. Support from the people who care for you and your child makes raising your child much easier. Parenting is not something you have to do alone and master in a day's time. Once everyone around you sings a song of excellence, responsibility, and respect, children have no choice but to aspire for greatness. When they work hard to achieve their goals they feel a sense of meaning and personal fulfillment. In my family, we look to a higher power to help us to stay strong and persevere. We realized that sometimes the human capacity limits us at times. We all need help encouraging ourselves, finding that inner power to overcome. Faith has helped us through many obstacles, and I believe everyone needs someone, whether it is a spiritual figure or a person they trust, to turn to in times of struggle.
Parenting is a JOB and often before starting a new job, we educate ourselves on duties we feel we need to know before day one of actually working. This helps us feel more confident. I will admit I was not always confident in my parenting and teaching abilities. Being educated and having a strong background in the science field, I understood things to be black or white, right or wrong, and that was the way I was raised. Either I did what my parents and their support system said, or I suffered the consequences. In a world with so many variations of color and opportunity, there are not always clear and direct answers to the concerns and problems that we face today. I realize there is not one right way to raise a child and that many solutions are situational.
We often hear the quote, "Your ehild is a refleetion of you; he gets it honest." While we influence who our children become, there are also many outside factors that influence them. In science, this is referred to as the nature vs. nurture debate. However modern science proves that a child's success is not based solely on genetic or environmental factors, but rather a combination of both. Children often mimic what their parents do. My mother realized this very early on and made it her goal to be a positive role model... now, that I am a father, that's my goal too. She told us to work hard and take responsibility for our actions. She led by example and we followed.
In my own life, I see the same type of behavior with my son. After a long day of work, I sat down and watched my son, Sloan, play on the carpet with his toys. He paused for a minute... which gave me a clue he was distracted by something. Since, we were in full-fledged potty training mode and that pause meant "Take me to the potty". Before I could move, my wife, Tina, jumped up calling out and pointing in the direction of the bathroom. "Sloan, let's go to the potty!" she exclaimed. As I watched, he mimicked her exact gesture and he exclaimed, "Go to the potty!" This interaction happened a few times until she took his hand and started leading him to "the potty".
Meantime, I had my head hidden behind a pillow laughing at the sight of the scene unfolding in front of me. My wife then turned to me and said, "Chris, don't laugh it's not funny," after which she took him to the potty, and the mission was a success. This display of Sloan mimicking