Frank, my fiancé, and I went to my cousin’s engagement party in Brooklyn, NY. Billy and Sandy were getting married one week after us. We made arrangements to meet up in Miami as we were all going to Florida on our honeymoons. My father was also at this party. Again he was separated from my mom. My dad’s real name was Solomon and his nickname was Buster. Believe me he did not let that name go to waste. He lived up to the image, probably came from his behavior growing up. Dad came over to Frank and myself and started to tell the story about his father leaving his mother many years ago. This was quite a surprise or rather a shock to me as he never in all my years growing up ever mentioned my grandfather. He went on to say when his father was in the hospital; he called him and said that he wanted to see him. My dad did not go to see his father and it was right after that his father passed away. This was the only time in my life that my dad ever sat down and had a conversation with me. As life has its many turns, it would be the last talk ever between us. Why he chose to tell us that story, I do not know. As you read along in the chapter Losing A Father, this plays itself over again but with a different ending.
I remember only once he took my mother away on vacation. All of us girls were married when they went to Niagara Falls. My mom looked so happy and rested when they returned. I never saw that radiant look again on her face. She truly loved him and put up with all his nonsense and antics because of that love. One fight that I remember in my teens was over his hamburger being too thick. So when dad was fighting and not talking to my mom, he would not talk to any of us kids either. His fights always had a reason, itchy feet. Another gene he must have inherited from his father. The only difference between my grandfather and my father was his father never came back to his mother and my mother always took him back. When whatever he was chasing was over, he would come home and my mother was always there waiting. My grandfather would say after my mom took my father back from his “adventures,” “She can’t live with him and she can’t live without him.” Thinking back, I can remember saying to myself that I never want to love anyone like that. You just don’t hurt people you love.
I never heard my mom say a bad word against her husband all the years of growing up; even when he left her again after all us children were out of the house and married. When he passed away, they were separated. After the funeral, I heard my mother cry, “Who is going to hold me now?” He must have held her in the privacy of their bedroom as I never saw him hug or kiss her or show any open affection to her, ever.
The first time I heard my mother say I love you to me was when I was in my thirties. I remember it as if it just happened. My children and I had moved into a new home and I told her that I thought that there were mice in the house. She looked at a place I pointed out to her and said, “That looks more like rat droppings!” We were talking about it and I looked at her and said, “I love you Mom.” She in turn said, “I love you too.” We were really having a conversation; something that hardly ever happened. She always called me Glor Kid. That was her nickname for me. It brings tears to think that if I had known then about our Lord and his abundant love for his children, I could have helped her more emotionally.
All this sounds so negative, and it was… but when I found out why Jesus died and the love he has for me, all that negativity that was inside of me gradually started to disappear.
One night I took my Mom to a healing service, Singing Grace and Vessels Healing Ministry where she received Jesus as her Lord and Savior. That was the best gift I could have given her and her to me. John 3:3 Jesus said, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. This gift from God and knowing that one day we will be together again, without all the pains, hurts and rejections that we went through during our earthly lives, brings immense joy to my spirit.
While standing by my couch one afternoon recently, I heard the Lord speak to me, “Your father came from the tribe of Judah.” I became so thrilled; my heart was jumping for joy. If nothing else, my father gave me the best DNA anyone could ask for. That is the direct lineage of the Lion of Judah, where Jesus Christ, our Yeshua was born. I just received the greatest present of my life. Hallelujah! Amen.
Chapter 12
GENERATIONAL CURSES
As most of us know, DNA, Deoxyribose Nucleic Acid, is handed down to us from generation to generation from both sides of our families. In the Christian World, those emotional problems and behavior areas in our lives are called generational curses. In my father’s DNA there is alcoholism, mental and physical abuse, selfishness, self centeredness, controlling those around you, being critical, low self-esteem and rejection are some of the traits that he received from his family.
When you believe and receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior in a Salvation Prayer (the prayer can be found on the last page of this book) you are also repenting of all sin(s) in your life. Accepting Jesus makes you want to change your behavior from bad to as pure as you can be in your mind, soul and spirit. You want to transform your life to please the Lord and do not want to do sin as we learn in Colossians 3:10 Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. Those that never do this stay in generational curses, which never help them change their life style, but keep them so non-functional in ways that they are not happy and consequently the people around them are also very discontented. When they marry, their spouse and children suffer the consequences of their behavior. I know as I feel as though I was raised in that type of environment. As I look back on my own marriages, I chose men who were like my father which only caused me to be timid in ways of expressing myself and feisty to keep my independence.
I know now a lot of my behavior before I turned my life over to the Lord came from generational curses. Our upbringing plays a huge role in our lives in how we deal with different situations. The day when I turned my life over to the Lord was the first day of a totally new way to live. It is written in 2Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. It is up to each one of us when we accept Jesus as Lord and Savior of our life to want to change our ways; so they line up with the word of God. That is when we see those generational curses leave us and the Christ in us comes alive as the above scripture teaches us.
While writing my story I am learning a tremendous amount of knowledge when it comes to marrying the right person. It is so important to find someone whose genes are healthy, not just physically but also mentally.
Please think about the above paragraph very seriously as it can save you a lifetime of heartaches and bring a life filled with spiritual love, hope and peace. By choosing an *evenly yoked Christian person for a mate, your marriage is built on solid ground which raises the percentage that your relationship will last a lifetime. God wants us to be joyful and trust in Him.
*evenly yoked means believing and behaving as described in the bible how God wants us to live.
Chapter 13
PRE-TEEN YEARS
During the years of growing up we sure knew how to develop an imagination or it could have been a warning to be careful from God. Sundays really stand out in my mind as my sisters and I had to walk four long blocks to get to church. Along