4.Pray. This step is the easiest to do out of the four suggestions, but often times, it is the first one that is forgotten. Young people sometimes forget how powerful prayer can be in moments of happiness and times of despair. You can pray on the school bus, while you’re paying your monthly bills, on the way to a job interview, before the big game with the cross-town rival, and even when you’re sending in your college applications. You can pray anytime, anywhere. It’s important to remember that even the slaves back in the 1800s relied on prayer to help them through the daily beatings, inhumane living conditions, and the painfully aggressive workdays they were forced into. You should never be ashamed to pray, whether you believe in God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah, or any other higher power. You should be able to create your very own personal relationship with that higher power, which will allow you to keep your faith strong. Do not rely on other people to create that bond for you. You must do it for yourself. There are a few Bible verses I look to in times of need.
•Psalm 62:1—My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.
•Matthew 14:30—LORD, save me.
•Hebrews 11:1—Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we don’t see.
•1 Peter 5:9—Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
•2 Timothy 4:7—I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
You, of course, can look in the Bible for verses that connect with your life situation, but I’d suggest looking at Psalm and Proverbs for additional inspiration. I believe that once you read many of the lines in these books, your soul will find peace and your faith restored.
Anyone can tell that I had a slew of tests going on all at once at the beginning of my life. However, I found that all my burdens were lifted when I kept the faith. There was an overwhelming comfort that went on to follow me as an adult as I handled demanding situations with my business, my wife, my family, and my mother. To this day, I continue to smile at the adversity and remember at the end of the day that I have no choice but to take care of my responsibilities, raise my eyes to the sky, and thank God for giving me this life and allowing me to make the most of my trials each and every day.
Chapter 3 – The Decision to Parent on Your Own
“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.” –Jewish Proverb
There comes a time for many single mothers when they come to the realization that their child’s father is never coming back. He won’t be there to take his child to get ice cream, and he won’t take them on carnival rides at the local fair. He won’t scold them for climbing the tree on the playground, and he won’t be there to comfort them when someone breaks their heart.
He will never show up.
In an ideal world, a mother would not have to raise her family on her own. This is the kind of place I wish for every person walking the planet—a place where the family unit works together as one, and a world where family disagreements between mothers and fathers are reconciled, everyone sits down together at dinner to talk about their days, and kids feel loved by both of their parents. However, this ideal world isn’t the reality for a number of people. Some mothers are forced to raise their children on their own.
There are some of these fathers who do show up to help raise their children, but they’re only there sporadically, never playing an active part in their children’s lives. They may give money every so often or send a birthday card to their child when they remember, but they’re never there like a father should be. It is unfortunate how many men don’t understand how this type of behavior can be detrimental to their sons and daughters. At the end of the day, a child needs to grow up in a household where they feel love and support from both parents: two things that matter most during a child’s developmental years.
I don’t remember the first time I realized my father would no longer be a part of my life. My last interaction with my father was when I was 2 years old. The next time he was brought up was when my mother told me she was no longer receiving child support from him and no one knew where he was. Imagine how hard this was to hear for a young boy. I grew up watching The Cosby Show, wishing Bill Cosby was my dad. Here was this fictional character on TV, giving the same love and support I referred to earlier to his five children. Imagine that: FIVE KIDS. He knew the behavior and tendencies of all his children.
He taught Vanessa a lesson when she came home intoxicated. He was there when Theo and Justine broke up, and he encouraged his son to sing a song entitled, “Justine, Justine.” He interacted with Rudy and her young friends when they’d come over for slumber parties. He was even supportive of Denise when she wanted to go off to Africa to be a photographer’s assistant. He was that kind of father that knew the highs and lows of all his children and treated them accordingly. There were so many times when I wished I had that kind of man in my life—someone who would be there for me during my proudest moments and my times of struggle yet would love me just the same.
Instead, I was dealing with a man that completely disappeared from my life.
It was during those tough moments that my mother made the decision to raise me on her own. She realized she didn’t want a man around her son who didn’t truly want to be active in his life. I’m not saying it didn’t matter whether or not my father was there, I’m saying that she decided she would try her best in ensuring it didn’t negatively affect my life. This decision involved several things:
1.She made the decision to support me financially on her own. I’m sure many single mothers out there know how tough it is to raise their children while hopping back and forth between numerous jobs. My mother held down two to three jobs at a time while still doing her best to be there for me emotionally.
2.She would be the one to have the serious life talks with me. I’ll get more into this in Chapter 12, but to sum it up, she was the one that had to break down topics like the “birds and the bees” and what it meant to really be a man. I know there are skeptics out there that believe a woman can’t raise a boy on her own. They believe there are certain talks and situations that a woman won’t know how to handle appropriately. However, I am here to tell you this myth isn’t always true. I am proof that a woman can decide to parent on her own and still get it right.
3.She was ready to sacrifice her needs for my own. I know that mothers in two-parent households and mothers who share custody with the father make these decisions, but I believe it holds a little more weight for women who are in it on their own. My mother was responsible for me, but I can only imagine what it would have been like for her if she had to take care of a handful of children, like many women do each day. NBA Hall of Famer Kareem Abdul-Jabbar once said, “I think that the good and the great are only separated by the willingness to sacrifice.” My mother was one of the greats who knew what it took to get things done.
There are a multitude of other times when she put my needs before her own. I can remember one situation when I was around 7 years old. I knew she was hungry because, like me, she hadn’t eaten anything since the previous day. It was time for breakfast, but there were only enough eggs and grits for one person. What did she do? She sacrificed for me because she wanted me to “go to school with a clear mind, an eager learning appetite, and a full stomach.” At the time, I took that type of sacrifice for granted. I thought it was just what a mom was supposed to do for her child. As I got older, I realized there were an unfortunate amount of parents out there, both men and women, who never put their children’s needs before their own. Those are the type of parents we should pray for and help create awareness