Consider Your Balance Sheet
Is your way of life sustainable?
Creating wealth while depleting our source (who we are) leads to less, not more. Our goal is to create the wealth and replenish the source. This applies to doing work you love, to socially responsible investing, to keeping balance in life and building great companies, communities and families. Unsustainable = Expensive
Kelly knew her job was killing her spirit!
She had climbed the corporate ladder quickly in her insurance company. She was organized, energetic, and a great saleswoman. Her income soared as she accomplished more and more. Yet she was tired of working harder every step of the way. She worked 14-16 hour days, ate out late at night, and went home to regroup and come back at it again the next day. What good would her money be when she had no time to enjoy it? As it was, she never spent much time at her gorgeous home - she might as well still be living in a one bedroom apartment. Her investment portfolio was growing rapidly, even in challenging markets. Yet would she ever be able to survive at this pace to enjoy the long-term benefits of her wealth?
Kelly hired a coach. She had heard so much about life coaching through a friend that she decided working with a coach might help her get a life! The first thing her coach helped her to see was that this would be the most difficult task she had undertaken yet. She had set her goals and aspirations for her career and her life based on input from everyone around her. Because she was good at her job, she had poured all her energy into this area of her life. Now the coach was asking her to set goals and make plans for other areas of her life. This felt like work, yet without some kind of balance, how sustainable would her success be? How successful would she be?
Often what we consider truth is simply our current point of reference. How is your current reference point coloring your judgment or interpretation of events, of others, or of your investments? Ask yourself: is this The Truth or is it My Truth. Becoming aware of your point of reference and questioning its relevance to the situation is an important skill that can increase awareness and lead to wiser decisions. It enables us to recognize the opportunity to shift and look at things from a different angle, thus adding a new dimension to our ability to identify truth.
“The more you know the more you know you don’t know anything.”
—Albert Einstein
Some questions to ask yourself that can help clarify your point of reference in any situation that brings up emotion (positive and/or negative):
•Why do I feel this way?
•What did I expect?
•How did I come to that conclusion?
•Why did I have those expectations?
•What outcome could make me feel differently about this situation/ investment/relationship?
Since much of our point of reference is made up of our own experience, it is helpful to understand this and observe it, so that you can step over your personal history and see what can be true. What is the POTENTIAL beyond your current experience?
What You Believe About Money
Learning the truth about your relationship with money is a process of collecting data and taking stock. It requires excavating beneath the surface, a kind of personal archeological dig. We need to excavate the beliefs that influence your behavior with money. Think about your beliefs about money:
Who taught you that? Who told you that?
There is a difference between a belief and a knowing. You actually learn a belief from someone else in your life at an early age. In most cases we have never asked if this belief serves us at this point in our life. A knowing comes from you.
We’d like you to understand the source of your beliefs and attitudes about money. One of the most revealing exercises about your relationship with money is The Money Autobiography. In this exercise you recall your earliest memories of money. You revisit your personal history to better understand the money dynamics presenting themselves in your life today. Take out your journal and reflect on the questions in this exercise. This exercise is also valuable in helping you understand how the way you are with money may impact the way your children experience money in their lives....as they say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
Money Autobiography:
Your past holds the key to your financial future. As a child you began to form your first impressions of what money is all about:
What did your mother say about money?
How did your mother spend money, what did she spend it on? What did your father do and say about money?
Were there arguments in your home around the topic of money and finances? What sayings pop into your mind when we ask you about money?
What is your happiest moment with money? Your unhappiest?
What happened to family members during the depression and recessions?
How is /was the subject of money addressed by your church or the religious traditions of your relatives?
How did your family communicate about money? How does your family now communicate about money?
As a child did you feel poor or rich?
Did you long for what other children had?
Will you inherit money? How does that make you feel?
How do you feel about taxes, welfare, people living off the system? Are you generous, overgenerous, stingy, frugal?
Do you tip, and how much?
Do you judge others by how you perceive they deal with their money? Do you tithe, give money away?
Do you spend some, save some, and give some away? In what proportions?
Internal Integrity is an Opportunity
Internal integrity is about learning what is true and authentic for you and letting go of the beliefs about yourself that you may have borrowed from others, and, which may no longer serve you. You need to act on the truth that comes from you. Staying integrated requires that you continuously focus on the truth as it emerges and welcome it as a catalyst for further personal growth. In this way, knowing the truth about who you are presents itself as an opportunity to make the choices that are right for you. This is part of your journey toward self-discovery and an essential part of financial leadership.
Have you ever been afraid of learning the truth about something? Have you had the experience of avoiding seeking the truth only to have your fear grow? It’s likely that once you chose to see the truth your fear began to dissipate.
Aileen:
As a financial advisor, I have repeatedly seen that most of the fear people feel about money stems from their simply not knowing the truth about their financial situation and not knowing themselves well enough. Learning more about what is true for you is key in freeing you from fear and helping you make better choices with money. We will address fear in great detail in another chapter; however, it is important here for you to see how it connects to truth. In our noisy world many have lost the sense of their truth, their intuitive inner being. Consequently they find it difficult to make choices that will serve them well. We want you to know your truth deeply, so that you can act with internal integrity and authenticity to make intentional use of your money with confidence and peace, instead of reacting with anxiety and fear. This is what financial planning is all about.
Here are a few points to reflect on to help you challenge what you believe about yourself, so you can begin revealing what is true for you. In asking yourself these questions, listen to your inner voice and pay attention to the images that pop up spontaneously in your mind. Allow these images to guide you toward your authentic truth.
•Challenge your false beliefs - What