Overview of the Integrated Fact-Based, Spirit-Guided Approach
When faced with symptoms or a diagnosis for any medical condition, our automatic responses of denial, anger, or anxiety tend to kick in. A diagnosis of cancer, in particular, seems to fill us with dread. The fact-based aspects of this integrated approach help you focus on the known information available to you, rather than descending into a mire of emotions that shut off your rational brain. Part 1 includes guidance about holding tight to the facts about a given aspect of life, instead of imaginary worries, to achieve a level of serenity.
When the facts are particularly difficult or unclear, then the spirit-guided choices in Part 2 provided here are available to help you respond effectively. The guidance includes mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects. This part of the approach to empowered healing includes the belief that there is a natural impulse inside each person to reach for the good, to pray or converse with God or a Higher Power in some fashion, and to seek answers from spiritual sources. In part, we communicate the view that you are a spiritual being having physical experiences. The approach involves reaching for new answers, choosing new words to say and actions to take, and seeking further guidance than is available from the facts. The intent from using this approach is to empower you to live as fully as possible.
For the purpose of clarity and learning, we have laid out the choices of the “fact-based approach” and the “spirit-guided approach” separately. However, they are anything but separate. This is actually an integrated process, where both approaches happen together, and the tools of each intermingle. You may not choose to use all of the ideas presented if they are not a fit for you. However, you will likely discover that the more of them you use, the more empowered you will feel.
Why Include Character Qualities?
A unique feature of this book is the inclusion of character qualities that you may find helpful to practice for successful use of this approach. Both of us were trained as relationship and marriage coaches with a specialty in character development, so we include some of our work on this subject. We firmly believe that it enhances healing and well-being when people speak and act in positive ways, regardless of what challenges they are facing. (See Appendix B for more detail.)
Why “Empowered Healing”?
When faced with a major difficulty, we can be tempted at times to ignore it or let others make decisions for us. We can be especially tempted to automatically delegate responsibility and leadership for our healing to doctors, rather than staying in charge of our own selves and working in partnership with our medical team and loved ones. This book is about empowering you to be in charge of, as much as possible, your healing process. As Dr. Bernie Siegel says in his books Peace, Love & Healing and Help Me to Heal (coauthored with Yosaif August), you are a “respant,” a responsible participant.
An illness may be a sign that you are out of balance in your body or life in some way, and you now have the opportunity to examine your whole life for where you need healing. This book is about being powerful with your choices and maximizing your ability to heal holistically from cancer. It is not about creating remission or a cure, although that may be the outcome of your choices. It is an invitation to systematically take steps that make the maximum amount of healing and quality of life possible to occur.
What Are You Committed to Creating in Your Life?
Taking the fact-based, spirit-guided approach to cancer involves making a commitment to empowered healing. It is making a commitment to create maximum quality of life—however you define that. Practicing “commitment” involves making and keeping a reasonable promise or binding agreement to oneself or to others. If making powerful commitments is not how you have previously approached problems in your life, it may be a significant shift to try a new way.
Whether this is a new approach for you or more familiar, be patient, gentle, and kind with yourself and your loved ones as you assess and choose how you want to heal. Know that you will do well with what you choose at times, and at other times trip or fall. Sometimes it will be two steps forward and only one back. Other times you will feel as if you are standing still and not making progress. You may race ahead instead and do very well. You may question whether you can commit to healing and well-being—it may seem like too much work—but it is worth it. These qualities will help:
Patience is maintaining steady awareness and control of one’s thoughts and responses while waiting for or seeking an outcome; controlling one’s words and actions while willingly and calmly taking the time to respond to difficult, inconvenient, hurtful, delaying, or troublesome situations.
Gentleness is expressing consideration from the heart, honoring the feelings of others and oneself, and using soft and careful physical touch, movement, and words.
Kindness is considering the needs or wants of others and acting in a deliberately warm-hearted and empathetic manner to meet them.
Dr. Bernie Siegel also writes in his book Love, Medicine, and Miracles about the choice of being an exceptional cancer patient. For us, the tools we share with you in Empowered Healing helped us create an exceptional cancer journey. What are you committed to creating in your life?
The choice is yours:
You can choose everything, even acceptance
Choosing takes courage
Choosing eliminates blaming
Choosing creates power
Choosing creates new outcomes
Choosing creates miracles
With love,
Susanne M. Alexander and Craig A. Farnsworth
The Goal of the Fact-Based, Spirit-Guided Approach: LIVE A HIGH-QUALITY LIFE
The Concept
Throughout your experience with cancer, we encourage you to continually evaluate the quality of your life. Before you engage in treatment options, consider how they may affect your whole life, not only whether the treatment extends your life. Cancer and its treatments tend to affect your body, mind, and emotions. Achieving quality includes assessing your ability to work, play with your children or grandchildren, drive, exercise, spend time with friends, participate in spiritual activities, and more. Striving for a high-quality life will require flexibility on your part—sometimes it will be possible to achieve, and sometimes you won’t quite make it. However, it is worth the effort…one day at a time.
It is wise to consciously identify and communicate what counts as “quality” for you overall and at specific times. Your view of it may change as your circumstances and your body’s response to the disease and treatments change. Your definition of “quality” may also be very different from that of your family, friends, medical staff, or spiritual leaders, so it is important that they know your definition. Sometimes others may have to make decisions on your behalf that affect the quality of your life, and your input is vital to guide them.
Quality usually includes living your life as fully as possible while maintaining balance and health for you and your support team. However, it can also include doing specific actions or simply doing whatever you would normally do if cancer or treatments were not present. Consider that the quality of your life is potentially just as important, if not more so, than the quantity of time you have left to live. One of the interesting outcomes of creating quality is that it may also extend your life. You become more focused on living happily than on prognosis statistics that are unlikely to be an exact match for you.
To maximize your quality of life, consider integrating both the fact-based and spirit-guided aspects in responding to cancer and healing. Using them together will increase your empowerment with making effective choices.
Personal Perspectives
Craig: My oncologist and I agreed throughout my treatment and recovery that quality of life was vital. As I considered all the worst possible outcomes, I came to the conclusion that my passing away would not be the worst. For me, it would be most difficult living for months or even years in a severely impaired state with a terrible quality of life. However,