Fool the emperor and cross the sea
Once the emperor had marched his 300,000 troops as far as the sea, he began to lose heart. All that lay before them was water, endless water. Their enemies’ kingdom, Goguryeo, was 1,000 li away. How would they get there? Why hadn’t he listened to his advisers when they had warned him against this campaign? Embarrassed, he turned to his commanders for advice. They requested some time to think. The commanders feared that the emperor might cancel the campaign, so they appealed to the artful general Xue Rengui for advice.
The general said: ‘What if the emperor could cross the sea like dry land?’
The commanders nodded – that would be good.
Then he told them that no one should look at the sea until the next day.
Xue Rengui prepared everything.
The next day, the emperor’s officers told him that a rich farmer who lived by the water’s edge wanted to offer the troops provisions for the crossing. He had invited the emperor to his home to discuss the matter. The emperor, feeling his mood picking up, set out towards the sea with his retinue. He himself couldn’t see the sea, however: 10,000 skilfully placed fabric panels (usually used for tents) obscured his entire field of vision. The rich farmer respectfully invited the emperor into his home. The walls were decked out with expensive curtains, and rugs covered the floor. The emperor and his companions sat down and started to drink wine.
After a short while, the emperor thought he could hear the whistling of the wind all around him, and the pounding of waves rang in his ears like thunder. The goblets and lamps in the room all started to sway and shake. Surprised, the emperor ordered one of his servants to pull back the curtain. His gaze fell upon the endless dark sea.
‘Where are we?’ he asked uneasily.
‘The entire army is crossing the sea to Goguryeo,’ one of his advisers explained.
Faced with this fait accompli, the emperor’s determination grew. Now it was with courage that he travelled east.
RECOGNISING YOUR OPPONENT’S BEHAVIOUR: FOUR BEHAVIOUR TYPES, FROM THE ‘TEENAGER’ TO THE ‘TANK’
And so, we have now outlined the two stages of negotiation: combat and manoeuvring. Let’s take a closer look at the combat stage – the fight for your goal.
In combat, the most important thing to rely on is your strength of spirit. Quite simply, whoever’s is greater will win. Let’s remind ourselves of von Clausewitz’s much-cited definition of fighting: ‘Fighting is a trial of strength of the moral and physical forces by means of the latter.’7
In negotiation, ‘fighting’ is the stage at which we fight for gains. This stage only comes into play when certain conditions are present:
1. There is a clash of interests.
2. Both sides clearly understand what benefit they seek as well as that of the opposing party.
3. Both sides want to gain said benefit.
This is precisely where strength of will can play a decisive role. Why? Because this is where the moral forces of the two sides go head to head. Whoever’s is greater will win. You must be ready for this. In other words, you must constantly train and hone your willpower. As Napoleon once said, ‘The moral is to the physical as three is to one.’
Let’s take a look at the four behaviour models of people in combat – how people behave when fighting for their benefit and defending their interests.
Before getting into this, it should be noted that these behaviour models must be viewed along two vectors. The first vector is ‘motivation’ (to achieve a result). This is equal parts self-confidence and belief in one’s cause. The second is ‘courteousness’.
Confidence is an important factor in combat. The outcome often boils down to which of the negotiators is more motivated. As for courteousness, it is worth taking a closer look at what this means in this context. Nowadays, many associate the word ‘courtesy’ with ‘compliance’. This is wrong. Courteousness means treating people properly, behaving appropriately, using socially acceptable language and other similar concepts – none of which is synonymous with compliance.
So these are our two vectors – confidence (results-oriented motivation) and courteousness. It is through these two criteria that we will explore the four possible behaviour models adopted when defending one’s interests.
If necessary, can we disregard the ‘courteousness’ vector in negotiations?
Remember your response – at the end of this section we will come back to this critical question.
Before examining each of the behaviour models, I would like to emphasise that these are completely unrelated to any typology of personality. This is simply a model of the behaviour an individual adopts when fighting for their goal. In essence, each and every one of us has it within us to behave according to any one of these models, based on the circumstances at hand.
The teenager
This behaviour model is normally presented by people who lack confidence (i.e. have little motivation) and are discourteous to boot. Aggressive attacks on weaker parties are generally typical of this model. ‘Teenagers’ are quick to make things personal, and often speak very informally, using this as a means of projecting confidence in themselves and the rest of the world. However, this aggressive behaviour is in fact a mask for their own insecurity. Sound like a teenager to you?
Once I saw a woman get onto a trolleybus with her child, who looked about nine or ten. The woman bought a ticket for herself, but the child ducked under the barrier. Nothing too unusual there. But then things took a much more unusual turn.
A ticket inspector walked up to the woman and demanded that she show a valid ticket for both her and her child. The woman openly admitted to only having one. With that, the inspector’s facial expression instantly changed, and, with no regard for anyone else on the trolleybus, he started rudely and disrespectfully demanding that she pay a fine. The woman handed him the money without argument.
‘So what, you’re trying to bribe me now?’ he shouted, before grabbing hold of her things and trying to pull her off the trolleybus.
At this point I stepped in. I walked up to the inspector and said, ‘Excuse me, why are you behaving like this?’ Of course, he then tried to channel all his anger onto me. But as soon as he saw that I was emotionally stronger than him, he stepped aside and listened to what I had to say. I explained to him that what he was doing was actually against the law, and then ran through the possible consequences of his actions.
And what do you think his reaction was? He turned tail and ran! Literally – he even forgot all about his offender, and he didn’t take her fine.
For me, this is one of the simplest and clearest examples of the behaviour of someone who lacks both confidence and courteousness.
If you encounter a ‘teenager’, it is important to show them that you are emotionally stronger than they are. When they sense your strength, they will be forced to change their negotiation strategy and stop their provocations. One way of demonstrating your strength is to look your opponent straight