ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Taurus
AFFILIATION: Reform
FAVORITE CUISINE: Italian, Caribbean, California-Fusion, Chinese/Dim Sum, Japanese/Sushi, Middle Eastern Barbecue, Deli, French, Greek, Indian, Mexican, Middle Eastern, Thai, Cajun/Southern, Continental, Eastern European, Mediterranean
INTERESTS: art galleries, theatre, restaurants, movies, comedy clubs, museums, concerts, bookstores, shopping malls, intimate conversations, cooking, listening to music, shopping, traveling, watching videos, hanging out with friends, taking long walks, wine tasting, antique stores/flea markets, reading, coffee houses
MY PERSONALITY TRAITS: friendly, kind, artistic, easygoing, flexible, humorous, intellectual, nurturing, romantic, sensitive, talkative, witty
OCCUPATION: Public Relations Director
MORE ABOUT ME: I’ve never been really comfortable talking about myself. So, in an effort to seem incredibly modest, I thought it would be better to share what I think other people would say about me. My parents would describe me as loving, compassionate and fiercely independent. My friends would say I’m fun, easy going, funny and incredibly loyal. My co-workers and boss would say I’m smart, savvy and ambitious in my career. My nephew would say I’m incredibly silly, but play a highly-competitive game of “Chutes and Ladders.” Other things about me of interest: I cry at Hallmark commercials, love the band Spider Fire, enjoy baking and cooking (and make the world’s greatest chocolate chip cookies – no exaggeration here!), sing (sometimes off key) with the radio while driving, own more pairs of black shoes than should be legal, and my fear of flying is rivalled only by my love for chocolate.
WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM PAST RELATIONSHIPS: Maybe the toilet seat should be up. SportsCenter on ESPN is funny. No, these pants do NOT make me look fat. Which one is Beavis and which is Butthead. Asking for directions IS bad. Seriously, I've learned that you need to be honest, forgiving and willing to communicate for a relationship to succeed. And a sense of humor and ability to laugh at yourself goes a long way.
CHAPTER TWO – UNSUITABLE SUITORS
From: [email protected] – January 14, 2011 – 1:03 AM
To: Renee Greene
Bcc: Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: Profile for Site
Thank you for submitting your profile to Choose Jews, the number one dating website for the Jewish community. Your screen name is <PRGal1981>. As other members become interested in communicating with you, they will email you at [email protected]/PRGal1981. To read the message, simply login to the site using your ID number and confidential password <*****>. Click on the message to open. You will see the member’s profile and photo below their initial message. If you decide to write back, simply click “reply” in the member’s note, write your own note and send. All communications with other members stay on the Choose Jews Web site so that you never have to give out any personal information. When you are comfortable, you can exchange personal information with other members. Thank you for selecting our service. Please contact [email protected] with any questions.
From: [email protected]/L’Chiam22 – January 14, 2011 – 5:54 AM
To: [email protected]/PRGal1981
Subject: Shalom
Shalom, PRGal1981. Don’t know your real name…yet :)
You seem like a really smart and interesting person and I think we would have a lot in common. I’m originally from New York – Queens to be specific – but made Alliyah to Israel a little more than 8 years ago. I had visited when I was 13 for my Bar Mitzvah and felt a spiritual connection to the land and to my people. So, when an opportunity came up to transfer from the Internet company I worked for to the Tel Aviv office, I jumped at it. When the Internet boom went bust, so did my job. But I decided to stay and found work as a computer engineer for a software developer.
I live in Tel Aviv and am looking for a spiritual woman to share a Jewish life with.
From: Renee Greene – January 14, 2011 – 9:04 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Fwd: Shalom
Okay, so I sent my profile in last night and thought I would take a chance that someone emailed me this morning. Yes, I know that seems egotistical thinking that someone would email me so quickly after my profile was posted. And considering it didn’t officially go online until 1:00 am, I’m not sure I want to date anyone who was trolling the Internet for a date in the wee hours of the morning. But, to be honest, I’m kind of excited about the possibilities. Imagine that. Me…being hopeful. Who knew? Anyway, I was elated – yes, elated – to find I had a message. Hurrah! Then I read it. He is very religious, is looking for a “spiritual” woman and lives in Israel. Good lord! (HA! Maybe that does indeed make me “spiritual” enough for this guy.) Israel!!!
Okay, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Israel. I am one of the Chosen People after all. And, apparently “chosen” in more ways than one, huh? But do you picture me living in an area where 1) Most people take the bus – I’m from LA for goodness sake, where we LIVE in our cars. In fact, I have this theory that no one walks in LA. But, we all own treadmills. So, even though it is nice all year long, we won’t walk outside. We’d rather walk in our houses. But, I digress. Back to what’s important here: 2) These buses blow up into fiery messes; 3) And speaking of fiery messes, it is hot in Israel. Yes, yes. It’s a dry heat. But you know what? A blast furnace is a dry heat. But it’s still HOT and I wouldn’t want to live in it. Yeah, right. Like I’m going to start a relationship with some man in Israel.
And, he is so intense about Judaism. I haven’t been to temple since my nephew’s baby naming three years ago. Oh, this would NEVER work. NEVER.
So, how do I get out of this? Do I ignore his message? Do I email back and say thanks but no thanks? Yikes! I’m not sure what to do?
From: Shelley Manning – January 14, 2011 – 10:45 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Shalom
Step 1. Revise your profile. No spiritual junkies or out of towners accepted.
Step 2. Email him back and tell him you are not interested in a long distance thing.
Step 3. Laugh your ass off. He obviously does NOT know you.
Okay. So this one isn’t going to work out. But, to your point, it’s only been a few hours. And, in this man’s defense, it’s probably not 1:00 am his time. It’s like two days later and early evening or something. So, it is flattering that he thinks you are the funny, smart and…okay, maybe not “spiritual” but certainly awesome…person that you really are. You’re going to get a TON of emails and have your pick of tons of great guys. Just you wait. Trust me.
Speaking of great guy, going out again with The Cuddler tonight. Hoping to break him of his bad habits. I’m willing to use force if necessary. Hope he likes it rough ;) Gotta run. Evil corporate trolls demanding reports. Call me tonight. Mwah! Mwah!
From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – January 14, 2011 – 11:30 AM
To: [email protected]/ L’Chiam22
Bcc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Shalom back
Dear L’Chiam22. Thank you very much for your nice email. I must confess yours is the first email I’ve received. It’s quite flattering, especially to have someone from so far away take an interest. Thank you. But, I also must confess that I’m looking to meet someone local. So, best of luck in meeting that woman of your dreams.