Oh, did I mention that his tuxedo pants were too short? I told him he should buy, not rent, but he just doesn’t listen.
So anyway, we’re arguing in the car and I ask that he please just make an effort. It’s New Years, the annual ball, and he’s meeting all of my parents’ friends for the first time for goodness sake. And I know I’m a little stressed out. I mean, I really want everyone to like him. And what’s not to like, right? He’s smart and comes from a good family. I mean granted, he could do a lot more than be a teacher. I know he likes teaching in the inner city and gets a lot of satisfaction from it, but he could be a lawyer or a doctor. But he’s pursuing his heart, right?
Well, he proceeds to hit on the waitress (a waitress!?!), get WILDLY drunk and PASS OUT in the men’s room. I’ve never been more mortified. But you would have been proud. It was like a scene from a movie. I poured a champagne bucket of ice water over his head and told him we were through. My parents drove me home.
I’m okay now. I realize we just weren’t right for each other. And I know I deserve better. So, I’m giving up on dating. That’s it. I’m resigning myself to a life of loneliness and solitude.
How was Mark’s party? Did you have fun?
From: Renee Greene – January 3, 2011 – 5:00 PM
To: Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Convent Bound
I’m so sorry, Ashley. I know you were really hoping it would work out this time. Don’t give up. There’s someone out there just perfect for you. We all had a good time at Mark’s party. Shelley and I are meeting tomorrow for lunch…12:30 at Mel’s. Why don’t you meet us there?
From: Ashley Price – January 3, 2011 – 5:15 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Convent Bound
I have a lunch meeting tomorrow. Besides, no offense, but I just don’t think I could stand to hear more of Shelley’s sex-capades. Especially not now. Just reminds me that men come (yes, pun absolutely intended) and then they go. Sorry I’m so depressing. I’ll call you later.
From: Mark Finlay – January 4, 2011 – 2:33 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Site Selection
Great! Glad you will embark on this journey with me. So, I’ve investigated the top 20 online dating sites on the Internet and culled the list down to the best four for you.
Now you’ll need to choose from there based on this list of pros and cons I prepared.
Dating World
PROS: They have thousands of members locally or globally in case you want to meet someone in Katmandu. It’s the fastest growing dating site. I even looked them up in Consumer Reports and they were rated #1. It’s also completely free, which is great but has a downside. All of the cheapies come here.
CONS: Well, besides the aforementioned, you have to wade through ads, which makes the service free.
Choose Jews
PROS: All of the men are Jewish. Your mother will be thrilled. All of those nice Jewish boys. She always told me if I only were Jewish, than you and I could be together. Oy! Only $20 a month and you get lots of anonymity.
CONS: All of the men are Jewish. HA! Just kidding. I know how you feel about the pressure to marry a Jew, keep the religion alive, etc.
SciBer Love
PROS: Does scientific matches. (Hence the SciBer instead of Cyber. Kind of clever, but a bit intellectual. Not sure the masses will really get it.) So you have a better chance of meeting someone who is a good fit.
CONS: No photos allowed. I think online dating should have similar security to the airlines these days, where a current photo ID is required.
Mode
PROS: Geared toward the hip, affluent crowd. This is the site for the beautiful people.
CONS: This is the site for the beautiful people. Not that we aren’t beautiful, but do we really want to limit the dating pool to pretentious, wannabe actors/actresses in LA? $60 a month. Guess they want to weed out the undesirables, or at least the ones with small balance sheets.
I can send you my thoughts on the other sites if none of these seem to meet your needs. I’m still trying to figure out which one makes the most sense for me.
Once you pick a site, you’ll need to write a profile. Profile formats vary by site. You’ll probably need to put in some personal basics, choose from a list of interests and then write some brief essays. Let me know if you have any questions.
From: Renee Greene – January 4, 2011 – 4:59 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pretty Please!!!!
Mark was quite pleased and in true "Finlay Fashion" - as you would call it - has already reviewed all of the top sites and provided me with a pros and cons list of each that would be best for me. What have I gotten myself into? Not the online dating thing. No, I'm talking about entering a project with Mark.
You know I love him. Have ever since the 7th grade when he alphabetized my bat mitzvah invitations for me and set up a spreadsheet for me to track thank you notes. But the boy is so ANAL. Have fun with Preppy Dude. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Oh wait. Considering I haven’t been on a date in over a year, that would rule out much of anything fun. And Lord knows, you like to have fun ;)
From: Shelley Manning – January 4, 2011 – 5:03 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pretty Please!!!!
Damn right I do!
From: Renee Greene – January 5, 2011 – 8:58 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: The Scoop
So, what happened with Preppy Dude last night? Good time? Do tell. You know I live vicariously through you. Details!!!
From: Shelley Manning – January 5, 2011 – 9:25 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: The Scoop
Mixed reviews. The good news. Great sex!!! Who knew he had it in him. Or should I say in me. HA! (I think I've been watching too many “Sex in the City” reruns.) Anyway, the bad news: He's a - I shudder the thought - CUDDLER. You know how I HATE that. Why, oh why must such an amazing romp be spoiled by the heinous act of cuddling. UGH! But, I think I can break him of the habit. At least I'm going to try. It would be well worth it. Trust me. Mwah! Mwah!
From: Renee Greene – January 5, 2011 – 9:43 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The Scoop
How horrible for you. A cuddler. <Insert sarcastic tone>. Great sex and someone who doesn't want to jump out of bed and go home. <Yes, more sarcasm.>
Sorry. I just don't know how you are constantly meeting these men when I’ve resorted to whittling down my life to a few short paragraphs so as to intrigue a man to want to talk with me further. Sorry. Turning 30 and no one to take