I can’t think of one valid reason why men are better leaders, ambassadors, or public speakers. But each of these jobs requires putting yourself out front and having the courage of your convictions.
One Friday night our synagogue invited an elderly gentleman to give a talk on the Dead Sea Scrolls. The subject held little interest for me and the gentleman was shuffling very slowly to the lectern. I wondered how to leave discreetly before he began to speak.
Had I left, I would have missed one of the most compelling and informative presentations I’ve ever heard. His passion for the subject made the time fly by. I chided myself for making an assumption that because he was in his eighties and slow on his feet, his speaking ability was diminished. I never made that mistake again.
If every speaker had a similar style, the audience would soon be deathly bored. The solution is to be authentic and invested in your material. It’s fine to admire a dynamic speaker. But if your style is more reserved and thoughtful, then that’s what an audience will respond to—because it’s genuine.
Audiences can tell if you are trying to be something you’re not. Personally, I’m turned off by motivational speakers. They seem phony. Their gestures are often exaggerated. I’m not sure what they really believe. Because their delivery sounds canned and rote, it’s obvious this talk is a repeat.
To be a persuasive speaker, engage with the audience by allowing moments of insight and inspiration to emerge. Be present. Strive to come across as connected to your topic and the audience, as opposed to reciting, memorizing, or reading your material. Take active steps to break the fourth wall, the imagined barrier between the speaker and the audience. You can do this by crossing downstage (moving at an angle toward the audience), asking a question, or interacting with audience members.
Take active steps to break the fourth wall, the imagined barrier between the speaker and the audience.
Women often tell me they feel inadequate because motivational speakers sound polished. So I ask them, “Did that speaker move you? Did he tailor his talk to you? Was the speaker genuine?” If the answer to any of these questions is “No,” then don’t waste your time trying to emulate that individual.
Thank goodness more and more women are taking the stage and being role models for how to be authentic in front of an audience—whether they’re politicians, film directors, or authors. Yes, we’re still underrepresented in almost every arena, but the times, they are a-changin’.
In the twenty-first century, female comics are succeeding on a par with male comics. Their social observations and multifaceted characters cover the full gamut—from the raunchy humor of Lisa Lampanelli and Sarah Silverman to the triple threat of Tina Fey, Kristen Wiig, and Amy Poehler. More women are viewing comedy as a viable career, despite being vulnerable and exposed when they deliver stand-up routines to live audiences. Note how many successful male comedians, including Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld, returned to live stand-up precisely because it requires a direct connection with the audience and fine-tunes their skills. For the same reason, I encourage women to stand up and speak in as many venues as possible.
Two of my favorite comic pioneers are Tig Notaro and Amy Schumer. Notaro turned her cancer diagnosis into one of the funniest stand-up routines in recent years. Schumer is simply unstoppable. She has done HBO comedy specials and reached superstar status—she won a 2015 Emmy Award for her series Inside Amy Schumer and starred in the feature film Trainwreck.48 Schumer finds humor in the mundane and speaks to audiences as if we’re all having a drink together at a neighborhood bar. Nothing is off-limits for her. As a spokesperson for millennials, she proves that feminists can swear, shock, and make lurid sexual references while still being outrageously funny and somehow normal. What I particularly like about Schumer is that she’s redirecting her self-deprecating humor onto society. She’s my kind of woman.
There are still too many female politicians from the same cookie-cutter mold, but others give me hope. Take Harvard-educated lawyer and politician Wendy Davis, for example. As a state senator, Davis stood in her trademark pink sneakers and used a thirteen-hour filibuster in the Texas legislature to fight for a woman’s right to choose.49
Regardless of your political views, consider the ups and downs of Hillary Clinton’s career. For decades Clinton worked behind the scenes, as well as front and center, constantly under the glare of the public spotlight.
As a young lawyer, she was appointed by President Jimmy Carter in 1977 to serve on the board of the Legal Services Corporation, which she later chaired.50 She co-founded Arkansas Advocates for Children and Families to support the rights of women and children and was the first female partner at Rose Law Firm.51 The National Law Journal included her in 1988 and again in 1991 on its list of the 100 most influential lawyers in America.52
As first lady from 1993 to 2001, Clinton was excoriated for her outspoken opinions, for her health-care agenda, and for standing by her husband, President Clinton, during his extramarital affairs.
After her husband left office, she decided it was her turn. Instead of returning to law practice, she ran for office in New York and won, becoming the first former first lady to be elected to the U.S. Senate. In 2008, she ran for the Democratic presidential nomination. When she lost, she accepted the position of secretary of state—the first former first lady to hold a federal Cabinet-level position—and turned it into a platform to speak out for women’s rights around the world.53 In a 2012 Gallup poll, she was voted the number-one most-respected woman in the world with 21 percent choosing her and only 5 percent choosing first lady Michelle Obama.54
Still, Clinton is seen as polarizing and viewed as a lightning rod by many people. The rap on her is that she’s not likable. But there’s always a price to pay for being visible and out front.
How do you want to be remembered? And what do you want to accomplish during your lifetime? It may require a thick skin and a short memory, but women give birth, for heaven’s sake. We can handle it.
Myth #6: I Need to Be Polished and Perfect to Be Taken Seriously
I’ve seen too many women overprepare and overrehearse their presentations, hoping this will reduce their anxiety and enable them to live up to their expectations—as well as those of others. Sometimes the effort can backfire.
Naima held an executive position at a major medical-device company. She was tasked with delivering a keynote to her entire division. A lot was riding on this presentation, so Naima hired a speechwriter and spent many hours producing a well-crafted and comprehensive speech. She rehearsed and rehearsed, so that she barely had to reference her notes. She felt ready and confident.
After Naima finished, she thought, “I nailed it!” Her boss followed with his remarks. Unlike Naima, he more or less winged it—moving through the audience and speaking off the cuff.
About a week later, Naima was shocked when the evaluations came in. Her marks were in the eighties (out of 100), while her boss received marks in the nineties.
Although she didn’t understand, I knew exactly what had happened. The audience didn’t feel connected to Naima. One of the comments was, “We didn’t know who she was or what she wanted from us.”
After this presentation, Naima became my client and never again worked from a script, only a cue sheet and outline so her authentic voice