—HERACLITUS
People come to Greece for many reasons—some to enjoy the serenity of the blue sky and pristine water, some to walk in the footsteps of the ancients and, of course, some to drink ouzo and indulge in the delicious food. We come to Greece because of the people. For us, the people we meet are very real.
In America, we are used to people asking us, “What do you do?” The answer to this question tends to categorize people into social classes and achievement levels. However, in Greece, we found that conversations go to the very soul of the people. In Greece, we were asked questions that focused on who we were. “What village are you from?” is a typical question that serves both to understand one’s roots but also is a means to find a common connection:
“My family originates from the village of Monastiraki in the Amari Valley.”
“Ah, Amari—you are near me—I am from the same valley.”
The conversation helps people connect on a human level. Making you feel comfortable, asking about roots, and establishing the human connection comes first; asking about work and accomplishments comes later.
During a conversation with a young woman named Violetta, who was seated beside us on an Aegean Airlines flight back to Athens, we shared that we had just traveled around Crete and loved a little village named Plaka. “Plaka, my mother is from Plaka! Did you know there are only fifteen full-time residents when the tourists leave in the winter?” she replied, her eyes showing absolute delight. During another chance meeting, this time with Iakovos Pattakos, a relative, his introduction was telling: “You are Pattakos. I am Pattakos. We are Pattakos.” With these words, he quickly established the bond that will last a lifetime!
Everyone tries to find a connection somewhere in the lineage where you might be a cousin, a distant relative, or know someone they know. Hearing the word “cousin” shouted in a crowded room results in many people turning their heads to see if you are, indeed, the cousin they are looking for. Everyone may be your cousin! If you are not Greek, the same philosophy applies: “Where are you from? Ah, you are from Chicago. I have cousins Nick, Nicki, and Niko in Chicago. Perhaps you know them?” In some way, they will always find a connection, a common bond.
The Human Touch
Throughout Greece we noticed that building relationships through conversation was an integral part of daily activity. Our business meeting in Athens began with the grandfather and son of the owner spending time with us discussing our odyssey while sharing water, coffee, and cookies—an example of “the human touch before the task.” The clerk in the local grocery store in the picturesque town of Hania, Crete, engaged in a long conversation with the young woman in front of us in line, while we and everyone else waited patiently. Although we may have wanted to pay for our purchases quickly, we all knew that the store was an important connection point in the community and that the clerk was taking an interest in her customers as people and not just as business transactions—again, “the human touch before the task.”
It’s about the conversation and the connection. Stopping to say hello to others acknowledges their presence—their human existence—and signals to them that they are an important part of the village. Every interaction is an opportunity to strengthen or weaken connections with others. Little by little, with each interaction, meaningful relationships are built.
During one of our visits with YiaYia Maria, she shared her dislike for large cities where she felt it was difficult to connect with others. She told us she would walk down the street and look someone straight in the eye but they would just look away. She found it interesting that on one hand we all say we yearn to connect on a human level, but then we avoid the connection that is right in front of us, that is right beside us on the bus or train, that is right in our neighborhood. We choose instead to give a quick wave and disappear into our house or to simply look away.
The Plaka and the Volta
Many villages in Greece are designed around a common plaka, or public square, where people routinely gather to meet and socialize instead of sitting alone in their homes. It is both a physical place as well as a symbolic place since it serves to remind everyone in the village that they are all one, that they are connected, and that they are part of something larger than themselves.
The Greek word for the evening stroll is “volta,” which has a dual purpose of reenergizing (hence, the English word “voltage”) and connecting with others. As our friend Nikos told us, “Greeks are happy because we go out after work and connect instead of going home and watching television.” Many an evening we witnessed old men walking together, children running free while a dozen women sitting on nearby benches watched, and young men pushing their toddlers in strollers, deep in conversation.
Always Time for Coffee
Another timeless tradition is visiting the kafenio (café), the heart of the village. Rarely do people carry coffee around in a cup—they sit and relax and enjoy the coffee instead. Greek men typically meet at the kafenio up to three times a day: in the early morning, late afternoon, and the evening. In small villages there may be only one kafenio, but in larger villages numerous kafenia spring up, even if they are only the front room of a house, with additional tables and chairs spilling onto the roadway. The tables are littered with small coffee cups, filled to the rim with brown foam. In between small sips, the villagers celebrate the highlights as well as release the stresses of the day.
Regulars, usually older men, make one kafenio in the village their “home away from home,” and they go to this same location every day to read newspapers, argue politics, play cards, and discuss their lives. Some Greeks, even in the large cities, such as Athens, may have five or six coffees throughout the day as they take time to connect with various people at different kafenia.
There’s always time for coffee but, as we all know, it’s not about the coffee, it’s about the conversation and bonding that takes place while enjoying the coffee. Some say the male bonding at the kafenio—as it is mostly men who partake in this Greek tradition—is a key factor in the longevity of its patrons as they take care of one another and have trust that there will always be someone there for them. Nothing creates the meaningful connection and knowledge of shared humanity like speaking with other people and seeing the expressions on their faces. Nothing is better than knowing that we are all still human after all!
Belonging
—ARISTOTLE
The word “political” comes from the Greek word “polis,” meaning “city” or “state.” Putting it in modern terms, when Aristotle said, “Man is a political animal,” he meant we are social animals or beings and we flourish best in groups or communities (villages). It is our nature to live in groups and it is our nature to want to belong. We are not at our best when we isolate ourselves. One of the causes of the increased incidence of depression throughout the world is the lack of belonging. Some say that as we age, the longing for connections with others deepens, but we disagree. Our research has shown us that the quest to connect and belong, the longing for the security and comfort provided by groups, is strong at all ages.
—NIKOS KAZANTZAKIS (author, Zorba the Greek)
We live in the global community but many people feel separate and alone. Connecting online may mean having eight hundred “friends” on Facebook, or being able to “tweet”