If you’d like to learn an easy way to start meditating, I recommend The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson. You can learn what to do in a very short time, and if you practice for ten to twenty minutes twice a day, you will relieve your tension and gain a clear focus for your day, and, as Benson says on his book’s back cover, obtain “a richer, healthier, more productive life.”3
Meditation will give you greater peacefulness and a stronger connection to yourself. You’ll be happier and more fulfilled, and you’ll enjoy improved relations with people at work. It’s no wonder there is a resurgent interest in meditation in Silicon Valley companies. Google, for example, offers meditation classes to its employees.
Often when I call a Boston-based friend of mine, I hear his voice mail announce, “I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone now. I’m meditating. Please leave your message and I will get back to you.” Meditation is clearly a priority for him.
Famed professional basketball coach Phil Jackson was also a great believer in the power of meditation. In his book Sacred Hoops: Spiritual Lessons of a Hardwood Warrior, Jackson talks about practicing Zen meditation, using the book Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind as his guide.4 Make your mind clear, Jackson recommends, drawing on the Buddha’s teaching in the Dhammapada: “Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a polluted mind, suffering will follow you.”5
If your thinking has been clouded with worries, or if you have been having trouble making a decision, meditation helps you clear away the clouds hanging over you. If you easily get caught up in arguments at work, meditation will help you stay calm and think before jumping in. When you meditate, you notice the thoughts that come into your mind and you quietly let them go.
6. Find a counselor or coach.
You can certainly learn about yourself on your own, but it will help if you can find someone to talk with about your process of self-understanding and self-realization. The learning will go deeper and faster too. You might think you can simply talk with your partner or best friend, but they aren’t necessarily the best choices. They know you too well. They carry baggage about you, just as you carry baggage about them. They are likely to have a certain bias about what steps you should take. You need to choose someone who is not committed to a particular outcome, who isn’t so familiar with you.
It was once very common for people to consult with trained therapists such as psychologists, psychiatrists, and family counselors. Today it seems to be more usual for people to work with a career coach or an executive coach.
Find someone who can support you as you learn about yourself. Whether you choose a psychologist, a counselor, or a coach, make sure you feel comfortable talking with that person. Do not choose someone who will push you into taking a new position or a certain belief system before you are ready. This is the time to think in terms of opening options, not closing them.
By learning more about yourself, you will strengthen your emotional intelligence so you’ll be aware of the effects of other people on you and your effect on them. You’ll be able to better match yourself to the type of work you do and the way you’d like to work. You will gain some insight into the changes you will need to make in order to have the kind of life you want. You’ll also develop the confidence you need to make those changes.
In case you’re wondering, you don’t have to follow all of the methods I have detailed here simultaneously. Choose the ones that are most suitable for you. You can meditate, work with a counselor, listen to your friends—there’s no set order, no prerequisites. By doing as many as you can when you can, you’ll learn about yourself more quickly and more confidently.
Having the Life You Want at Work
Let’s go back to some of the questions I raised earlier in this chapter. What does having that life at work look like for you? Is it working on your own schedule? Is it being respected by your peers? Is it having good relations with the people you work with? Is it about growing and learning? Is it about traveling? Is it about sharing what you know? Is it about making a contribution? Is it about having less stress?
Maybe visual images come to mind. Is it like surfing? Climbing a mountain? Being a warrior? Is it about wearing a suit or wearing shorts? Wingtips or flip-flops? Going to work in a limo or traveling by train?
If you could work in this new way, how would your life be better?
As a consultant, I often go to offices and watch the way people work. I observe meetings, interview people, and sometimes I just hang around in the employee lunchroom. That’s one place where I can really understand a company’s culture.
I like to watch how people come and go and walk around the office. Are people happy when they see each other? Do they complain when they talk? Do they blow off steam? Do they laugh? Do they yell at each other?
I always like to find the person in every organization who, no matter what is going on, manages to keep his or her cool and not be undone by the next turn of events. This person always interests me. This is the kind of person I wanted to be.
In your office, is there a person like this? Would you like it to be you?
In Japan, I set out to be the kind of professor who would make a difference in other people’s lives. I had a dream of what I wanted to do, and that’s what I set out to do. I remembered the best teachers I had in high school and the best professors I had at Boston University and the University of Massachusetts, and I wanted to be like those people.
I also wanted to have good relations with colleagues and peers. I wanted to avoid the kind of in-fighting that had almost sunk my career before. I remembered the charged political environment of universities where I had taught in the United States, filled with late-night hushed phone calls and secret tenure votes. When I started in Japan, I focused more on what I wanted to contribute. I didn’t set out to be popular. I wanted to be the kind of professor people would remember.
How about you in your work? Is there something unique, something valuable, you can contribute? Will people remember you? If so, how will they remember you? Think more about your eulogy than your résumé.
As the first American full-time professor at Keio University, I knew all eyes would be on me. My actions were scrutinized, but I looked at it as a great opportunity because I could influence how others saw Americans. I could break any stereotypes other faculty members might have had, and I could follow my own path.
I didn’t know any of the rules of Japanese society or Japanese universities, and I could stake out my own way of doing things. Being an outsider can be a real asset. I was inspired by the story of an outsider who made a real difference through his presence alone.
As a young consultant, I worked with the Boston Public Schools helping to integrate schools that previously had been predominantly white or black. Integration meant redrawing district lines and busing students to schools across town to achieve a more equitable balance of white and black students. There was much opposition to this desegregation that was ordered by the courts. Every day there were violent protests.
Teachers and administrators were afraid for their lives because of bomb threats and Molotov cocktails being hurled at the schools. Many employees felt the senior administrators lacked the will and ability to lead them through the crisis. And then rumors started flying that a new leader, Bob Wood, would soon be leading the Boston Public Schools.
Dr. Robert Wood had been the U.S. secretary of housing and urban development and the president of the University of Massachusetts, and now he was to be superintendent of the Boston Public Schools. The job had been previously held by political appointees, many of whom were considered incompetent and not fully committed to integration.
And then even before Bob Wood arrived, there seemed to be a transformation in the school headquarters where I was consulting. Almost to a person, the