Can you imagine a radio station playing only new songs, or seeing different programmes on television every single day? Every time Episode One? No, we, as the audience, want to see the same programming and the same familiar actors returning in other movies. We want to hear our favourite songs, see the same programmes and faces, over and over again. That is why celebrities are not allowed to age, and when they do we dump them.
SOLUTION: If repetition is so important for human beings, let’s take advantage of the fact. Using their own words in your replies to them shows that you have been listening and this is a compliment in itself. Some businessmen are starved of attention from the right source, from someone they respect. See how it all fits together? Because you act exceptionally your opinion suddenly matters.
FACT 4: We only give people our full attention before we box them in
FOCUS: Boxed in
We put people neatly in boxes inside our brain, wherever we think they belong. That means we only observe them well for a limited time in order to do so.
ELABORATE: I am not meaning to insult, but this is rather practical. Nobody has time to constantly keep on “placing” each new individual they meet. It is too much work and requires thinking – brain activity – that is needed elsewhere.
So we label them: the nerd, the athlete, the sex-bomb, the professor, and so on. We place them quickly in their box, and that is where they belong from then onwards.
Once people are placed, that is where we want them to stay. This makes our lives a whole lot easier.
Does anyone live in a country where the inhabitants of the neighbouring country are not “known” to be ignorant, unreliable, strange, or slow-witted? We all love these false securities; we need them like we need air, water, and food, because it makes us feel better about ourselves.
We certainly cannot get through life if we, on top of all our worries and interests, also need to constantly revalidate these personal “beliefs”.
Escaping the box
SOLUTION: How to stay outside the box
This means that we can easily put our opponents in unknown territory by acting in an unexpected manner. The moment we force them to think without the luxury of a safety net (past experiences) they are officially in trouble. All their attention is concentrated on that instant in time. That’s how easily this works.
So nobody will be insulted when I say that we all – as a species – are predictable in our actions, and never more so than during negotiations.
We are all proud, and must get the better of the deal, or at least be allowed to embrace the illusion.
I have never met a businessman who realised what a lousy negotiator he was. Everyone is proud of their negotiation skills, even if they are absolutely nothing to write home about.
So even when you know nothing about your opponent, you may assume that they will act predictably, trying to sell high and buy low. Pride will rule decisions. They will only mention weaknesses in your case, and strengths in theirs. That is the way things are.
Do we deal with people, or robots? We act as if we were robots, but carry human flaws that so far have been mostly ignored.
Here is precisely where the problem lies.
Predictability
FOCUS: The seller sees only positive aspects, while the buyer dwells on the negative
ELABORATE: Despite this, the buyer still wants to own what he does not seem to appreciate, or value properly. Meanwhile the seller seems to love whatever it is he wants to part with.
It just does not add up but we keep banging our heads against each other until one of us gives in, and walks away to cure his headache. In this way the argument itself becomes an issue and ends up outweighing what really matters, the outcome.
SOLUTION: The last thing we need is making it harder to close a deal. Every word we speak must have a reason behind it, yet this must never be obvious. If you do it to distract attention, then it is a valid move but there is no place for counterproductive reasoning.
Picking fruit from the garden of predictability
There are great advantages for deal makers who are able to determine what the other person will think. So we must make use of any predictability that comes along during negotiations, and there are so many.
When I buy something, I rarely like anyone’s price. Even if I did I wouldn’t admit it and when selling, I never accept anyone’s opening bid but we must realise that sellers often take their own position very serious
So what do you accomplish by talking negatively?
This should be your keyword: accomplish. It is a natural result of the decision that the outcome is more important than we are, because the more we speak, the more we water down the value of our words.
All too often people waste those precious moments of first attention. They are out of the window, never to return. There is great truth in the saying, ‘you can only make a good first impression once…’ on account of this “placing”.
From the very beginning we must deliver the right level of mixed messages to keep them guessing and watching, listening. We can only get our message across if they are eager to hear what we have to say.
What Is It Worth?
Before we can start negotiating, we must put a value on the object of our affection.
I use that word on purpose because buyers can fall in love with the item they are interested in, as much as sellers with the prospect of a sale. This stands to reason. Both parties are interested in dealing or there would be no basis for any negotiation to take place.
Placing money all the way at the top of the list is a mistake, as we have already shown – it does not belong there. If any one factor should be placed above everything else, it would most definitely be ego. Our constant fear of making a mistake – recognisable by others – relates to ego as well.
Pride will have a part to play in how we view the proceedings, how we can explain the result. It plays a major role because we will certainly not accept a position that we cannot defend.
Usually we give some credit to the opening bid of the other party, even if we just use it is as our starting block.
The question sellers fear most is: “How did you come up with that price?” If this happens to you expect them to argue with your reasons, but they are likely to respond to your starting position anyway. This is certainly not always necessary.
FOCUS: Buffer deductions
Knowing a negotiation is in the making, both parties add their buffer.
ELABORATE: The size of buffers varies. The funny thing is extremely weak or strong openings are likely to increase buffers.
Weak: This seems a chance to take advantage when someone appears to be already sold.
Strong: Expecting lengthy and tough proceedings we want to make sure we have enough room left in the end. So a neutral approach is most likely to keep buffers under control, but there are certainly exceptions to this statement. Some people always add the same kind of buffer in size or percentage. Others get intimidated and lower