Through the principle of acceptance, I now realize the truth of the matter. I am okay with the reality of my condition. I am an imperfect human being, just like everybody else, and yet I am just as normal as anyone else.
STEP TWO. THE PRINCIPLE: FAITH
When I came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health, this step began to work for me.
With the second step, I learned to right-size. I discovered I was not the center of the universe. I was not the be-all-and-end-all; I could not even solve my own problems. More of me was never enough when dealing with life. I needed something more than myself. I soon discovered that in order to find something greater, I had to become smaller! I had to join the rest of those on the planet, by being more human.
Through faith I was able to leap from my self-constructed pedestal. The key was faith in the idea that those who had gone before me might actually know what they were talking about. It was faith—with a little hope thrown in— that allowed me to try something new, to go in a different direction, and to open my mind to strange new ideas, which made me uncomfortable for a time. In the process, I learned that I was normal after all; I have the same capabilities as other people. I only need to learn to use them properly.
STEP THREE. THE PRINCIPLES: SURRENDER AND TRUST
When I consciously decided to turn both my will and my life over to the care of a God of my understanding (or Higher Power), I learned that by replacing reliance on my own abilities with reliance on God, as I understood God, I could accomplish things I might never have dreamed possible. By doing my best to surrender and trust, by turning my will and my life over to the will of God each day, I free myself from the bondage of working for results.
Through surrender and trust, I’ve learned to be more relaxed about what happens in my life. I can do my share and leave the results up to God. (I happen to believe this is about as normal as I can possibly be.) When I am in the groove of God’s will, I feel better than I ever thought I would. After all, God’s will is going to happen with or without me. I can choose to go along with it, or I can fight it. However, if I choose to fight, I am wasting valuable time and energy.
STEP FOUR. THE PRINCIPLE: HONESTY
When I finally looked at my past life fearlessly and thoroughly, making the moral inventory of myself that Step Four demands, I realized that I had spent all of my todays being haunted by my yesterdays. Writing a list of all my resentments, fears, and missteps in life was not an easy chore, but in doing it I was able to put down the burden of self that I had been carrying with me all day, every day. That’s a lot of baggage to cart around all the time. Writing down my inventory was the crucial step toward ridding myself of my past’s garbage, which was so necessary as I strove toward becoming normal. Today I can be honest, because I’ve learned to be honest with myself first of all. In order to be honest with others, I must become completely, totally, and rigorously honest with myself.
STEP FIVE. THE PRINCIPLE: COURAGE
When I summoned the courage to admit to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs, I finally rid myself of the baggage of my past. This took tremendous courage. I thought doing so would leave me empty. I thought I would become a cipher, a nothing. Even though my past was garbage, for the most part I wanted to cling to it because it was all I knew. I was afraid of sharing all my most negative actions with another person; I was also afraid to give myself to the unknown.
I still do not know what happened, but I never did lose myself. My past was still intact; it just did not wield the force it once had. Just as I had become right-sized in the previous steps, my past became more right-sized when I completed Step Five. I came to see my past for what it was—my past.
It is what made me who I am today, but it is not who I am today. While I am a product of my past, I am not simply a compilation of my past acts and experiences. “I am greater than the sum of my parts.” While I have done some bad things—made some bad choices—I can now begin to learn from them. Perhaps you can learn from yours, too.
This step calls for courage, and completing it actually builds courage. The courage I gained from doing this step is a bonus, in that it helped me to move forward and to pass through walls of fear I would most likely have avoided without this crucial step.
STEP SIX. THE PRINCIPLE: WILLINGNESS
When I was completely ready to have God take away the character defects that had been uncovered by the fifth step, and I finally became willing to let God have a go at them, I learned the value of asking for help.
I do not know if asking for help is normal or not, but I do know it makes life a whole lot easier. Today I ask for help, and that is normal for me, although it was never normal for me to ask before, no matter how much I thought I needed it.
STEP SEVEN. THE PRINCIPLE: HUMILITY
When I asked my Higher Power, humbly, to remove my shortcomings, I began to see myself for who and what I really am. I am a fallible human being doing my best with the tools I have. The bonus is that I can also see other people for who and what they are—fallible human beings doing the best they can with the tools they have, human beings who are neither more nor less normal than I am. I lose being judgmental of myself and others and I can operate more freely, while allowing others to do the same. Humility helps me see just how normal I really am.
STEP EIGHT. THE PRINCIPLE: FORGIVENESS
When I made a list of all the persons my past actions had harmed and became willing to make amends to them, I began to experience forgiveness, including forgiveness of myself. This went a long way toward reassuring me that I was indeed normal, although I never would have believed it in the old days.
STEP NINE. THE PRINCIPLE: FREEDOM
When I began to make amends to the people on my eighth-step list, it seemed like the most unnatural thing I could possibly do. Although I still find making amends difficult, I do so when necessary because the results bring me back to a more normal state, and, of course, because it is required for my recovery. Sometimes I have to get my hands dirty, so to speak, in order to maintain my sense of normalcy, but it is always worth the effort.
After making amends to all those on my Step Nine list, I discovered, through Step Ten, that I had made an error in judgment and inadvertently wronged someone. I did not even know the person I had wronged very well, but I became very nervous around the person whenever we happened to be in the same room or area. When I knew he was near, I was a nervous wreck. The gaffe was entirely my fault, and I was pretty sure he would not forgive me. Still, I knew I had to rid myself of the guilt in order to continue in my own recovery. I also knew, from working my way through Step Nine, that this experience is really all about cleaning my side of the street—I am not to concern myself with being forgiven. I make amends in order to find freedom.
Cleaning away the debris of my mistakes gives me freedom to grow. By swallowing my pride, then doing what I have learned to be right, proper, and normal, I free myself from the bondage of my errors. So I made my amends with the person I had wronged. Surprisingly—at least to me—he forgave me. Even if he had not, I knew I had done my best to correct the situation, I was truly sorry, and I would do everything in my power to make sure I do not make the same mistake again. When I see this person today, I do not get nervous. We speak politely, we debate issues, and we get along. I am free to grow and he knows that I know I was wrong and that I will do my best not to let it happen again. When I make amends to others, everybody wins.
Even though making amends can be difficult, the results bring me back—or,