BECOMING
NORMAL
AN
EVER-CHANGING PERSPECTIVE
CENTRAL RECOVERY PRESS
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Central Recovery Press, Las Vegas, NV 89129
© 2010 by Utopia Bookworks, Inc.
eISBN-13: 978-1-936290-39-0
eISBN-10: 1-936290-39-1
All rights reserved. Published 2010. Printed in the United States of America.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
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Publisher: Central Recovery Press
3371 N Buffalo Drive
Las Vegas, NV 89129
Cover design and interior by Sara Streifel, Think Creative Design
DEDICATION
To the most patient, loving
person I know: my mother.
To the rest of my family,
who never gave up on me.
To my first sponsor and his wife,
who helped me find my way from
the dark into the light.
AS I PRACTICE I BECOME MORE PROFICIENT, AND AS I BECOME MORE PROFICIENT THE PRACTICE BECOMES MORE SECOND-NATURE, UNTIL ONE DAY I REALIZE THAT PRACTICING THE PRINCIPLES IS A NORMAL PART OF THE WAY I CONDUCT MYSELF.
I AM “BECOMING NORMAL.”
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION: HOW I STOPPED WORRYING AND LEARNED TO BECOME NORMAL OR PRACTICING THE PRINCIPLES
2.FITTING IN—IS THAT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE NORMAL?
3.COMPARING
4.THINKING
5.BELIEFS
6.PERFECTION AND PERFECTIONISM
7.JUDGING/GUILT AND CHARACTER DEFECTS
8.THE FEAR FACTOR
9.RESENTMENT
10.PRACTICE
I MUST ALLOW FOR MISTAKES.
MISTAKES ARE NORMAL.
I would like to thank my editors, Daniel Kaelin and Helen O’Reilly, for their tireless work in the editing process. Their incalculable effort made this project possible.
I would also like to thank Mary Fouty at Lansing Community College (LCC), who helped me with the original manuscript. I think she still wonders if offering her help was a good idea, but I’ll never forget how beneficial her input was during those early days.
Jill Pennington, who runs the Writing Center at LCC, taught me that writing is a process I need to enjoy, which led me to discover that life is a process I also need to enjoy.
Leslie Farris, another writing instructor, taught me not to argue without giving the other person credit for their point of view. I do my best, Leslie.
Thanks also to all my other writing instructors who have helped me practice the process of writing, learning, and life.
I want to thank Central Recovery Press for providing the pages and ink that make up this book. They have done more than that: They took a chance on me, for which I will be forever grateful.
I also want to thank you, my reading friend; I hope that you will find my thanks expressed in the experiences and learning I have shared in these pages.
Lastly, but most importantly, I want to thank God. Without His help, none of this would have happened.
IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE, I CAN MAKE REMARKABLE PROGRESS. THROUGH THIS PROGRESS, I COME CLOSER TO NORMAL— WHATEVER THAT IS, ANYWAY!
INTRODUCTION HOW I STOPPED WORRYING AND LEARNED TO BECOME NORMAL OR PRACTICING THE PRINCIPLES
I’ve spent way too much of my life worrying about whether or not I was normal, and maybe you have, too— especially if your life has been affected by your addiction or that of another, such as a sibling, parent, child, or spouse. “Am I okay?” “Do I fit in?” “What will others think?” and ultimately, “Is there something wrong with me?” are questions that plagued me my entire life, causing me excessive concern about whether or not I was, in fact, normal.
My disease of addiction only made me feel more abnormal, more apart from my fellow men and women. Recovery through my twelve-step fellowship finally allowed me to stop worrying about normalcy and appreciate myself for the person my Higher Power wants me to be, the person I know I am becoming as I journey through my recovery adventure.
My journey to understanding the meaning of “normal” took many twists and turns, and involved me in intricate strategies I devised for myself, even after I entered recovery. But ultimately, my relief, and my understanding of what normal means for me, came through working the Twelve Steps of my program of recovery.
What follows is my story.
PRACTICING THE PRINCIPLES
NOTE: Many spiritual principles are associated with the Twelve Steps of recovery. These principles overlap and repeat throughout the steps. No one step calls for only one principle, and the principles listed here are by no means the only ones associated with the steps under discussion; however, they are the ones that I discovered and developed in myself by working each particular step.
STEP ONE. THE PRINCIPLE: ACCEPTANCE
When I first came to my fellowship, I was powerless over my addiction; I still am. Does this mean I’m not normal? Absolutely not. As long as I accept that I do not and cannot pick up, I can live quite normally.
Very early in my recovery I was told that Step One was the only step