praise for
What It Might Feel Like to Hope
“Dorene O’Brien’s stories operate on a different plane and dimension of realism–flesh and blood yet dipped in a neon wash … O’Brien’s prose possesses a particular cinema that will not just stay in your mind but your gut as well.”
– Porochista Khakpour, author of Sick
“Like all superb constructions, Dorene O’Brien’s magical new collection of short fiction, What It Might Feel Like to Hope, quickly transports readers beyond the bones of its structure—the deftly crafted plots, striking characterizations and clever, lyrical prose—to places of genuine wonder.”
– Laura Bernstein-Machlay, author of Travelers
“A panoply of humanity—characters who are hilarious and real and bumble through life making the same mistakes as the rest of us.”
– Kelly Fordon, author of Garden for the Blind
These stories “remind us what it means to be human and the myriad ways we work out its complexities.”
– Lolita Hernandez, author of Autopsy of an Engine
What It Might Feel Like to Hope “takes readers on a wondrous journey that is at times laugh-out-loud humorous, at times heartbreaking, but always compelling and magnificent in its authenticity … the thread of hope—in all its desperate and wonderful glory—weaves its magic throughout this gem.”
– Ksenia Rychtycka, author of Crossing the Border
“Entering closely and powerfully into the varied lives of her concisely drawn characters, O’Brien shows an uncommon sympathy to the struggling, the beleaguered, even the obtuse and the angry. In doing so, she brings to us humor, tenderness and, yes, hope.”
– Sarah Shoemaker, author of Mr. Rochester
“What gives these fine stories real heft is their authenticity, which O’Brien achieves through masterful use of voice, dialogue, and accurate detail. You trust her storytelling utterly.”
– José Skinner, author of The Tombstone Race
“O’Brien links her stories not with the traditional steel of recurring characters or connected plotlines, but with the silken thread of shared desires, destinies, and the refusal to relinquish either to the quotidian challenges of circumstance.”
– Laura Hulthen Thomas, author of States of Motion
“O’Brien’s collection of stories takes us on a wild ride from [the] seemingly mundane … to the depths of sorrow.”
– Anca Vlasopolos, author of Cartographies of Scale (and Wing)
“The stories in Dorene O’Brien’s What It Might Feel Like to Hope are heartbreaking, funny, thoughtful and keenly attuned to the frailties of humans and their often ineffectual attempts to connect with each other…. Deliciously all over the place, yet tight and cohesive, once these stories drop their truth bombs, you’re left both dazed and sated by their richness.”
– Michael Zadoorian, author of Beautiful Music
WHAT IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE TO HOPE
WHAT IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE TO HOPE
stories
DORENE O’BRIEN
COPYRIGHT © 2019 DORENE O’BRIEN
TYPESET AND DESIGN © 2019 BAOBAB PRESS
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, INCLUDING THE RIGHT OF REPRODUCTION IN WHOLE OR IN PART IN ANY FORM WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER.
SELECTED STORIES IN THIS WORK PREVIOUSLY APPEARED IN EARLIER FORMS IN THE FOLLOWING MAGAZINES AND JOURNALS: “EIGHT BLIND DATES LATER” IN BALTIMORE REVIEW; “TURN OF THE WIND” IN ARS MEDICA; “HONESTY ABOVE ALL ELSE” IN DETROIT NOIR; “REAPING” IN PEREGRINE; “TOM HANKS WANTS A STORY” IN MADISON REVIEW; “WHAT IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE TO HOPE” IN THE REPUBLIC OF LETTERS; “LITTLE BIRDS” IN RED ROCK REVIEW; “A SHORT DISTANCE BEHIND US” IN MONTREAL REVIEW; “POCKET PHILOSOPHERS” IN PRICK OF THE SPINDLE (SPECIAL KINDLE EDITION); AND “HARM NONE” IN DRIFTWOOD.
FIRST PRINTING
ISBN-13: 978-1-936097-31-9
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CONTROL NUMBER: 2018950307
BAOBAB PRESS
121 CALIFORNIA AVENUE
RENO, NEVADA 89509
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES
For always giving me hope,this book is dedicated to Pat, Hadley and Chloe
contents
what it might feel like to hope
WHAT IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE TO HOPE
eight blind dates later
I was drunk and lonely and tired of Googling my name only to find a high school drama teacher in the throes of a failing Pippin production, a fat bastard who brews his own beer, and a host of other Johnny Danes who by comparison should have made me feel celebratory but instead only darkened my mood. I moved on, and that’s when I found her website, when I had exhausted myself with searches of football scores, ’62 Impalas and Johnny Danes. She soared into my head the way she had soared into my dreams so many times before, uninvited and unwelcome. Of course she looked good. Who puts an ugly picture of herself on a website? She was now writing bodice rippers, their covers a lurid blur across my flickering screen, a collage of tint, lace, and skin. There it was, another bullet on my growing list of disgraces: I had been dumped by a romance novelist.
So there I sat, reading about Cyril and Morgan, Devon and Lord Stoke. “His face hardened impossibly. ‘Aye, ye tempt me, Brianna. I think aboot succumbing tae ma lust an’ usin’ yer pretty body.’” This one had a Scottish vibe, women running across moors from supermen going commando in kilts.