5. In Islam, the ideal wedding is that which involves the least expense and avoids the unnecessary.
6. Funerals should also be inexpensive. Extravagance is forbidden. Coffins should not be used, unless to comply with special regulations or for health reasons.
7. Though generosity and hospitality toward guests is highly recommended in Islam, extravagance is forbidden.
8. Suspending work on Friday is not specifically prescribed in Islam except for about an hour to say the Friday prayers. Useful work should be continued, for to stop working for even a day may cause a loss to the national economy as a whole. Abandoning work on Friday is not encouraged, for the concept of the Sabbath does not exist in Islam. However, if Muslims have to have a day off, it should be Friday and not Saturday or Sunday.
9. Skill and thoroughness in every task entrusted to a Muslim is considered as his duty in Islam: according to the hadith, ‘Verily Allah has prescribed proficiency in all things.’15 A successful economy is obvious when industry and quality combine.
Marriage, the Family and Ādāb al-Islām
The family ‘provides the environment within which human values and morals develop and grow in the new generation; these values and morals cannot exist apart from the family unit. The family system and the relationship between the sexes determines the whole character of a society and whether it is backward or civilised.’16
Because marriage and family are so important, it is not surprising that so large a number of Our’anic verses and Prophetic Traditions are devoted to these two areas; these sources provide the basis and the details necessary for successful marriage and a morally sound, stable society.
1. A Muslim is recommended to marry at an early age. Marriage enlarges the circle of relatives by adding new ones through the marriage tie. Breast-feeding by foster nurses is permitted in Islam for it too enlarges the circle of the family with new-found relatives, called ‘relatives in breast-feeding’.
2. Muslims are encouraged to make marriage an easy task. According to the Islamic view, the most blessed marriage is that which involves the least burden upon the bride and bridegroom.
3. Celebrating marriage has been made commendatory in Islam, for marriage is a social event.
4. Although singing is generally forbidden in Islam, it is allowed on the occasion of marriage.
5. Holding a wedding feast is recommended and rejection of the invitation, when it is possible to accept, is not allowed on this very special occasion.
Islam is concerned that marriages should succeed. They cannot do so unless properly founded. The conditions and recommendations for success are:
1. Full mutual agreement by the man and the woman to marry one another.
2. Common ground and understanding between the man and the woman are obviously necessary. A common conception of life, way of living and common ways of overcoming disagreements is needed, and all these are provided by the Islamic faith and Sharī‘āh. Therefore, the ideal husband and wife are those who adhere most to Islam.
3. As preparatory steps towards marriage, Islam recommends that the man and the woman should have sufficient information about each other’s knowledge and practice of Islam and that they should also see each other.
4. There is no room for any intent on either side to have a temporary marriage. Islam recognizes only the intention to have a lasting marriage.
5. To fulfil all the conditions in any marriage contract is considered by Islam as among the best of deeds and the highest of moral virtues. According to the Prophet: ‘The most worthy conditions to be fulfilled by Muslims are those included in a marriage contract.’17
6. Husband and wife are advised, in case of disagreements, to try to solve their problems without the interference of anyone else.
7. The husband-wife relationship, if it is to succeed must be based upon mutual respect, understanding, co-operation, love and mercy.
A study of ādāb al-Islām shows the importance of marriage in Islam. The special relationship of husband and wife is recognized in ādāb al-Islām in the following ways:
1. Men are not allowed to wash the bodies of dead women, nor vice versa unless they are married to one another. In the case of a deceased wife the husband has the right to place her body in the grave.
2. Men and women are not allowed to see each other’s private parts-even though they are related to each other by blood as brother and sister, or mother and children -except in the case of husband and wife.
3. Women are forbidden to mourn a deceased relative including even a brother or father for a period exceeding three days; but a widow may mourn for her dead husband for a period of four months and ten days.
The parent-child relationship also has an important place in the manners of Islam. According to the Prophet of Islam, Paradise lies at the feet of mothers. If good manners toward others are a form of politeness, they are an obligatory religious duty in the case of parents. The conduct of children toward parents, discussed in Chapter 7, shows how heavy is the responsibility imposed upon children in this respect.
Strong kinship, affection, responsibility should not be confined to children and parents, but be extended to all relatives. There is, first, the moral responsibility to visit relatives from time to time, to ensure that they do not feel neglected and ignored. Second, there is the financial responsibility upon those more able to assist their needy relatives. If a Muslim dies in debt, his relatives are recommended to discharge the debt as soon as they can.
Allowing breast-feeding by a woman other than the mother, as mentioned earlier, enlarges the circle of relatives, and must be recognized and welcomed in mutual responsibility.
Family feeling and responsibility are so stressed in ādāb al-Islām because the family is the formative ground of the whole range of human sentiments, and therefore the best foundation for a healthy, stable society is a healthy, stable family life.
Norms of Sexual Behaviour in Islam
Islam recognizes sex as a portion of nature created by God, and nothing created by Him is evil or wrong if used and practised according to His commands.
There is no doubt that sex is necessary for the development of the individual’s personality, and for the society as a whole. Sexual development is intimately connected with feelings of personal worth and the assurance of being loved. Sexual deprivation endangers mental health, hinders good relationships and creates inefficiency in the society. But sex can be a destructive force if not controlled and channelled through marriage. It will then be a force working against the individual, the institution of marriage and family, and the society as a whole. In fact, ‘sex is capable of impelling individuals, reckless of the consequences while under its spell, towards behaviour which may imperil or disrupt the co-operative relationships upon which social life depends’.18
Sexual behaviour, therefore, must be controlled. This, however, seems difficult, and may indeed be impossible in any society without the assistance of other elements and factors that help the individual to keep sexual desires in check. Islam provides a solution to this problem through the observance of the following rules of conduct:
1. Marriage should be made easy for every member of the society and opportunities for early marriage enhanced.
2. All factors and conditions that incite the individual to indulge his sexual desires outside marriage should be blocked. Ādāb al-Islām are vital here: