The solution is to practice the exercises in this book and just let them unfold a path for you. Clients have told me that my work has helped to take away the shame they felt from being dyslexic and that they used to be self-conscious about their writing, but, after practicing for a while, the self-consciousness just disappeared. Others have healed from the wounds left from parents or partners reading their innermost thoughts and picking them apart.
They were finally able to let the joy of creative self-expression take over. And that’s the thing. We don’t want to get too serious and bogged down, nor try to drown out the negative voices or hurl insults back. We want to listen. So ask yourself, “When, where, and why have people shamed you into thinking your creativity is bad?” This is something that we explore deeply in my online program. We need to accept the answers and make a space in our hearts for joy to bubble up. Then we use that to express ourselves—our true selves.
The Communication Pyramid
The communication pyramid is a handy tool to help you to visualize the different layers of self-expression that you can access.
At the top, we have the mind—the place where most of us write from. I don’t teach this at all, not even when teaching in the business and academic worlds. When you write from the mind, the writing is dull, formulaic, and rule-based. It cannot inspire or move anyone to do anything—least of all yourself.
Second down, we have the body. This layer is useful and is the zone of the practical writing techniques that you may have learned in a how-to course, or while reading a how-to article on the internet. I also teach these in many of my writing workshops and online programs. The heart and soul are, of course, the focus of this book. We’ll do lots of work around these, and there’ll be lots of stories and examples to keep you on track.
Finally, at the bottom, there is voice—the much-discussed holy grail for writers. Every writer wants to find their voice. But you can’t really find it. As you go down the layers of the communication pyramid, you uncover it. It’s the sum total of the mind, body, heart, and soul. Because although I said I don’t teach the mind stuff, of course it comes into play. The mind figures out how to organize the dance of words, phrases, and sentences. My method is to ensure you get out of its way. Give it lots of time and space, and the heart and soul will speak to it for you.
Grab a Notebook and Answer the Following Questions:
oWhich place do you write from most?
oHow can you access the deeper places? Brainstorm some solutions that you think might work for you.
Don’t wait for the perfect time to write. If you have an idea, pull out your phone and jot it down. Put all those sentences together and you may have a full piece! Learn to love first drafts, and don’t be shamed by spelling mistakes or grammar errors. When it comes to creative self-expression, they’re simply not in the job description. Walk, run, shower, wash up, go for a drive. Do things that switch off your mind and see what bubbles up. Then write it down.
Facing Up to What Lies Beneath
Quieting your mind and getting honest with yourself is tough. In the early 2000s, I spent a few years exploring acting as a possible career and signed up for an acting course at Pineapple dance studios in London’s Covent Garden. The first session was fun, until the teacher told us our homework. The task was to bring in a picture of yourself as a baby and talk about your childhood. I felt I couldn’t do it—that it was too personal. And I walked around with a knot in my stomach all week, dreading having to reveal myself publicly.
But I did it, and it felt good to face my fear. And it wasn’t even as though I shared anything earth-shattering, just some run-of-the-mill family stuff. After the second session, we were given another assignment. This time we had to choose a significant event in our lives. Then we would have to communicate it the following week to the others in the class, using only our eyes and faces. Now I was really scared. I had never done anything like that before. Where inside me could I find the means to express that? I told myself that it wasn’t really acting and that it didn’t make any sense. What about the words? Why couldn’t we just say how we felt? The following week, I found a reason not to make it to class. And the following, and the following…until the ten-week course was over, and I’d spent a couple of hundred pounds (that I couldn’t afford) on only two group acting classes!
When I did enroll in full-time drama school the following year, my voice teacher cautioned me, “You have to find your own voice. Everything you do is about championing the voices of others.” And it was true. I was, and at heart am, a journalist. I love doing interviews and telling people’s stories. I love packaging advice in fun, fresh ways. I love digesting information and retelling it. But at that time, I was simply unable to go deeper in my communication. In any case, after a couple of years, I realized acting wasn’t for me and continued on my path as a writer.
If you’re having trouble accessing the lower layers of the communication pyramid, the collection of beliefs and behaviors that make up your writing personality are probably getting in the way.
We all have a writing personality that protects us from going too deep, that prevents us from accessing that place inside and drawing it out. It’s self-protection. But it’ll get in the way unless you bring it to light. Figuring out your writing personality and how to navigate it can allow you to reap dividends. In doing so, you shine a light on your behavior when you have a pen and paper in your hand or you’re at the keyboard.
Writing Personality Types
Note: these descriptions relate to the public writing you do, which is probably at work. But we take these public personas home with us too, and our writing personality seeps through every time we write.
Perfectionist Petra
Your attitude is that your writing is either perfect or worthless. You spend ages on one piece and feel that nothing you do is ever quite good enough. Ironically, your work has plenty of errors because you always want your writing to be exact and precise. You’re highly conscientious and a hard worker.
Fretful Fiona
You hate seeing your boss’s, editor’s, or colleague’s red marks on your work. So you play it safe and don’t take many writing risks. This means you tend to follow set patterns in your work and don’t like to try out new techniques or ideas.
Could Do Better Betty
You simply never put 100 percent into anything. You know that you have huge potential but instead prefer to do just enough to get by. Occasionally you pull out all the stops and write something magnificent. But then you go back to your “easy” life—which of course doesn’t feel easy on the inside.
Fun-Seeking Femi
You prefer not to think too much and would much rather be active and outdoors that cooped up with a notepad and pen or hunched over a computer. Having fun is the most important thing, and writing just doesn’t compete with other activities. But secretly you yearn to write.
Slapdash Susannah
You whittle work off at an amazing speed, but your writing is littered with silly errors that would have been spotted with a little more care and attention. You also leap in and start writing without formulating any kind of plan.
Last-minute Lorraine
If you have a deadline, you often miss it, or make it just in the nick of time. This is simply because you don’t give yourself enough time to write. With every piece