And yet you have probably also wondered whether that was really all there was to it. So have I. The answer I found is that there's much more involved. I believe that each of us is guided by a Sacred Contract that our soul made before we were born. That Contract contains a wide range of agreements regarding all that we are intended to learn in this life. It comprises not merely what kind of work we do but also our key relationships with the people who are to help us learn the lessons we have agreed to work on. Each of those relationships represents an individual Contract that is part of your overall Sacred Contract, and may require you to be in a certain place at a certain time to be with that person.
—Caroline Myss, Myss Library
Before moving on to another essay, can you see an overall pattern to your life? If so, name as many features as you can.
What surprises you most about your life now?
What pleases you the most?
7
Fear and Anger
Any expression that is not loving is a call for healing and help that is initiated by fear.
—A Course in Miracles
More than thirty years ago, I was introduced to A Course in Miracles. Although initially resistant to it, I slowly took it in and discovered that it satisfied my yearning for an additional spiritual pathway, one that complemented my 12-step journey. One of its primary concepts astounded me: any expression, verbal or physical, that isn't loving has been triggered by fear and it's simply a call for help. More important, after allowing time to absorb the idea, one that was indeed foreign to me, it completely shifted my perspective. This, in turn, opened my heart. It felt like I was seeing for the first time. Seeing members of my family, in particular my dad, in a way I had never seen them before. To see my father as a fear-filled man, rather than a rage-filled man, made a huge difference to me. I no longer had to rage back at him. I no longer had to sit in judgment.
Accepting my dad, and other angry people too, as fearful rather than rageful meant I could quietly step aside and let them be. Simply let them be. And then, adopting another of the course's principles, I could decide to love them anyway, all of them. Meeting fear/anger with an expression of love is the shift that little by little changes the universe we share with seven billion other souls. Little by little, each expression of love roots out festering rage. Little by little, the world we'd rather live in becomes manifest, at least within our own small circle.
Let's pause here and think about our own recent past. Perhaps it would help to enumerate the times in this last week when you either felt anger, or observed someone else expressing anger, perhaps a friend or a family member. What were the circumstances and who were the players?
List them in your journal. Can you guess what caused the anger? Can you see where fear had a role to play? What did the fear look like? If you were directly involved in the experience, consider reliving the experience, except this time willingly expressing love and acceptance of the person or the situation.
How does it feel? How does love and acceptance change the tenor of the moment and impact those present? Share your observations before going on. This is a learning opportunity.
If queried by the others present, what will you tell them about the concept of love versus fear?
I have found that it simplifies my life to categorize, as either love or fear, the actions and expressions of the people I live among. When I, in turn, express only love, regardless of what I have experienced from those around me, I feel free. I feel filled with hope. I feel a contentment about the future that eases every moment of anticipation. Having the capacity and willingness to live this way has changed every moment of my life. I spent much of the first half of my life in near-constant dread of what would befall me next. Fear ruled my life. Thus I was quick to anger, just as my dad had been. But that's the past. My present is far different from my past.
What does your present look like?
Do you go into your experiences with a sense of wellbeing?
In what situations, in particular, do you wish you could “show up” differently?
There is a way to do it. Begin by taking a deep breath. Envision yourself being the better you within a particular circumstance. Play it all the way through to the end. Just rest in this arena for a spell.
What is going on within you now?
Would you like to live here permanently? It's your choice. It's always your choice. All it demands of you is a statement of purpose followed by an internal decision.
Let's cherish the new you.
8
Change Is Good
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
—Viktor E. Frankl
Change is an interesting opportunity. Perhaps you haven't thought about it in that way. Resisting change is generally the more common response. But let's take the next few minutes and list in our journals a few of the changes we have experienced in the last decade.
Are there any similarities in the kinds of changes?
Which one of the above changes was easiest to undergo? Can you guess why?
Which one has “paid off” the most?
What I am trying to get across is that change is good. Change is intentional. It never comes our way unless we are prepared for it. We may not realize we are ready for the change, but no change visits us that we have not been readied for. Absolutely none. How can I be so sure? Remember the Sacred Contracts that we discussed in two earlier essays? Whatever crosses your path has been invited. Whoever is present is a chosen guest, one with a lesson for you. Wherever you are is the perfect location. There are no coincidences. None!
Now revisit the “dreaded” changes you were forced to make at an earlier time in your life. If it helps to close your eyes, do so. What were you thinking in the midst of the change? Can you remember what it felt like to make the necessary adjustment? It was a door opener. Change always is. Let's savor the new ideas we were introduced to, and the new people too. Share here your overriding feeling after the adjustment was made.
What's the best holdover from that originally unexpected and dreaded change? How has it benefitted your life?
Have you been able to transfer some of the benefit to the lives of others? Hopefully you can see how that has happened. Nothing ever happens in our experience that doesn't have a broader use. Trace that use now and be pleased you were the conduit for change in others.
Perhaps you are still resisting change rather than celebrating the idea that you are ready for new growth, or change would not have come knocking. The aging process introduces all of us to many changes. I certainly see many in my life. Appearance,