The title of this essay is “I can choose peace instead of this . . .” You might be wondering what that means. Here's my take: no one is in charge of my thoughts but me. No one! No one is in charge of my actions either. I can and will “show up” however I choose, every instant, within every encounter, whether with a friend, a colleague, a family member, or a stranger. Knowing that we have the power, the total power to decide who we will be every instant, makes choosing to be peaceful, rather than controlled by the ugliness of others, a delicious choice. Our choice serves as a great role model for others too. Without suggesting to anyone that they should also choose peace, they see our reward for themselves. Actions can speak far louder than words.
When I choose to sit on the sidelines, watching a drama rather than trying to manage it, particularly one that doesn't concern me, my heart isn't elevated. My mind doesn't race. I don't feel nervous, or breathless, or emotional. I experience a sense of warm, loving detachment and know immediately that I want more of that feeling. And now I know where to get it. I can and will feel peace, instead of whatever might have nabbed my emotions, when I stay in charge of what I want to feel, say, and do. This peace is available to you as well.
Enough about my feelings, my choices, and my development. It's time to explore who you are, what you feel, how you choose what you will do or say or think or feel in the myriad circumstances that fly in your direction. Let's pause before beginning the next step.
Is there anything we have talked about here that you'd like to share with a spouse or a friend? I hope so. Let's move forward together. All of us. But before doing so, write a note to a loved one about what you have learned from this particular essay. In this way, you will improve your own chances of repeating the choice in the future and you will have added benefit to your friend's life and to the lives of everyone on this planet. What we do to one, we do to all. It's called the butterfly effect. We will talk more about this in later essays.
Additionally, enriching this latter stage of life in any way we can for ourselves and others is a gift beyond measure. I promise you this.
What do you do when you take a time out from the activities that call to you? Do you meditate? If yes, do so now. If not, just close your eyes and seek to become aware of your breathing for the next few minutes.
1. What's the most recent time you felt agitation? Can you honestly assess whether you were sticking your nose into something that didn't concern you? If yes, let's revisit this scenario in your mind and choose another response to the situation. Write about this experience, the before and after of making a new choice. Focus on how a different choice made you feel.
2. Can you come up with three times in the last week that “choosing peace instead of this . . .” might have been valuable? Write about them here. It's to make an indelible impression on you that I'm suggesting this.
3. Even though taking another person's inventory isn't our business, it's helpful to take note of when others have overstepped their bounds too. Can you think of a few instances? Share those here, not as a way to judge yourself superior, but so you can get better at recognizing your own and others' interference in matters not their/your own.
4. What do you appreciate the most about choosing peace over any other kind of response, now that you have had some time to consider this? Do you imagine you will make peace a more conscious choice in the future?
5. How are you feeling right now?
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An Inventory
It is said that if we don't learn from our history, we will repeat it. This is true on the world stage and for us as individuals, I think. Let's take an inventory of our lives and check this out.
Probably everyone reading this essay has made a lot of mistakes over the years. Life isn't always pretty, at least mine wasn't. It's not expected to be, in fact, but far too many of us never quit blaming ourselves for mistakes of the past. For some of us, every mistake felt like a tragedy of epic proportions, even when that wasn't the case. And most often it wasn't the case. Many mistakes were simply pebbles on the learning curve of life. Pebbles that might have tripped us, but certainly not big enough pebbles to throw our entire life into a shadow that haunts us into old age.
I know I let folks down in the past, my parents in particular. And even though I made amends, both verbally and by changing my behavior quite dramatically, I still have moments of remorse for the embarrassment I caused them. I think this is partly due to my age now. As I have gotten older, I feel more deeply about what good people they were and know they didn't deserve what I put them through. Excusing it by saying I was simply having growing pains doesn't seem to be enough most of the time. And yet, to continue holding myself hostage means I am missing out on opportunities that are presenting themselves to me every day, opportunities to make a difference in the here and now in the lives of those God is intentionally sending my way.
Whatever your age right now, it's time to move on. It's time to say we have passed through many stages of life, some more successfully than others, but in each stage we met those individuals we were meant to meet. We were introduced to the lessons we were meant to experience. And anything we failed to learn will revisit us at another time. Nothing goes unlearned! Nothing.
Perhaps we should begin here making a list of those things we know we have learned and need no reminders about. Let me name a few so you can get the idea.
1 I have learned that fear wears many faces and one of them is anger.
2 I have learned that letting other people be in charge of their own journey through life is the only way to ensure my peace of mind.
3 I have learned that multitasking is a myth. I can't give my full attention to two places or people at the same time, and each situation is deserving of my rapt, unyielding attention, or it wouldn't have presented itself to me.
4 I have learned that no experience was unimportant to my evolution.
5 I have learned that every expression made by any one of us reflects a feeling of love or fear, and the right response, regardless of what we encounter, is always a loving one. Always.
6 I have learned that we are always in the right place at the right time. Even when it seems this can't possibly be true, it is.
7 I have learned that forgiveness is the only act that truly unifies us, and the acceptance that we are all one is the singular fact of this life we share with seven billion other souls.
8 I have learned that a peaceful heart is the by-product of acting in a peaceful way.
9 I have learned that pausing before making any comment or taking any action is all the time God needs to get the right thought in my mind.
10 I have learned that accepting every encounter with anyone, as holy and part of my divine journey, keeps all chaos at bay.
11 I have learned that I don't have to believe in God for God to believe in me.
Now it's your turn. What do you know to be true?
What do you hope to believe for this last phase of your life?
What's the first thing you plan to do to expand your awareness of God's presence?
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