If we act before we’ve become aware and accepted, our actions won’t be as powerful or be done for the right reasons. Our ears are still closed. We attack a situation as if our way is the only right way, and others resist our message, which is built on the anger and fear plaguing our planet. We keep fighting against what we don’t want. We feed the negative energy until what we do want is completely lost in translation.
You may notice that the book has three parts and nine chapters. This is by design. Three is one of the most powerful numbers in religion, spirituality, and transformation. It also represents the three As: AWARENESS, ACCEPTANCE, and ACTION. Nine represents the completion of divine will. These numbers have been brought to me during the most defining parts of my journey. They have represented some of the best endings and the greatest beginnings.
Throughout the book, I will be asking you to go deeper. These sections are exercises to help you get the most out of this journey. Do you have to do any of the exercises I suggest? NO! I know when I’ve read books in the past that told me to do something I didn’t want to do, was too lazy to do, or made me scared of what I would see, I would put down the book and not pick it back up again. Then I would feel this shame from deep inside, eating at me, like I wasn’t good enough. If you are laughing or shifting in your seat right now, you get where I’m coming from. These are all simply suggestions. If they feel right to you, do it! If they don’t, leave it. Find the practice and pace that works best for you.
Are you intrigued? Get your notebooks, pull out your phones to loop in your trusted friends, and start really listening to your own letters coming out as you become A Better Me—The empowered woman who has the power to transform the world—One loving action at a time.
With Love, Compassion, and Hope,
Rachael Wolff
FOR BEST RESULTS: Pay close attention to the feelings that come up! Take notes about them in the margins. Use them to write your own letters and get as personal as you can. The letters here are not all a personal reflection of what I feel. They are meant to stir you up and trigger where you stand on different issues. They are used as a catalyst to uncover buried anger, judgment, fear, and rage, then open you up to shift, heal, grow, and expand. If you find there is not a letter that pertains to your exact situation, write it yourself.
WARNING: No matter what comes up for you on this journey, try not to judge yourself for having dark feelings. Just get them out, purge them. You need to see them before you can heal them. Believe me, they are coming out in some way. We are just getting real. We are on this journey because we are done with being in denial of what is happening in the world, and it all starts with seeing ourselves openly and with compassionate eyes.
Part I
“If the house is crooked and crumbling, and the land on which it sits uneven, is it possible to make anything lie straight?”1
—Katherine Boo
For the women who had their boundaries crossed by a man…
Dear Women,
Have you ever just disliked a guy? You don’t appreciate anything he represents. He’s the type to shove his politics in your face, degrade women, push alcohol, and act as though he should be on some kind of manly pedestal.
Well, I’d been uncomfortable around this one guy for a long time. I was only around him because his wife and I were friends. My stomach would tighten up anytime he came in the room. I can be friendly with most people, but there was something about the way he talked that triggered a visceral reaction in me. My fists involuntarily clenched.
I really tried to be friendly and see the best in this man. I honestly couldn’t get in a conversation with him without feeling this rage build up inside me. I would ask questions, and he would dig himself in deeper. He didn’t want to hear that what he was saying had no merit. I had to walk out of the room when he was talking on multiple occasions. Those times when he would get on the he-knows-everything pedestal, I would instantly have somewhere else to be.
At a gathering one night, after he had been obviously drinking way too much, he saw me and came over. I did my standard one-arm reserved hug, and he pulled me in to lick around my ear. I didn’t know how to react beyond my incensed internal, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? I would love to say I cold-cocked him, but my body froze. I just tried to act as normal as I could and get away from him. I abruptly left the house. Why couldn’t I at least call this man out? I left and went right to a friend’s house, so disgusted by what had just happened.
At first, I didn’t know if I should say anything about the incident to anybody. I went to a place of shame, like maybe I did something wrong. I found myself questioning my dress, my hug, and my overall presence. I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t say anything when a man made inappropriate comments or gestures toward me. I didn’t want to embarrass them. Why am I worried about embarrassing them when they obviously have no regard for what I feel? They could give two shits if I’m triggered to relive a rape or former abuse. They aren’t even seeing me as a fellow human being. In their eyes, I’m smaller than them. Rage fills me just thinking about all of them.
I would shake every time I thought of his tongue touching my face. I didn’t know what to do. I did not ever want to be in the same room as that man again. I couldn’t imagine having to listen to one more line coming from his disgusting mouth. I knew I was going to have to deal with it and talk to his wife, but I had no intention of speaking another word to him. I figured he would probably be too drunk to remember. If he didn’t remember, it didn’t happen, right? I’ve known way too many men who think that, just because they don’t “remember,” we, the victims, shouldn’t feel violated. Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth.
Why are men so scared of women not being under their control? Wait, there I go again, writing “men,” like it’s ALL men. No, it’s not all men. In fact, is it really about men at all? What the hell is going on? Why do some people feel so superior to others that it justifies hate language, sexual harassment, and not taking any responsibility for their actions?
A Disgusted Me
For women who have put up with unacceptable behavior…
Dear Whoever,
I just heard another story about a woman being treated like a lesser human being in the workplace. How are men getting away with this shit? How have we become so blinded that we keep letting these power-hungry men treat women like they are objects brought here for their amusement? Is this really happening? Why do we have to worry about being taken the wrong way by doing our jobs?
Does a man think that, just because he has a lot of power, he can do what he wants? All this takes me back to my early twenties, when powerful men tried to make me feel as though I had to sleep my way up the ladder if I wanted to get to the top. I remember feeling so alone while it was happening to me. I felt ashamed to tell anyone. I was made to think that somehow it was my fault that they made passes at me. “If I wasn’t so…” Fill in the blank; I’ve heard it.
I’m physically hurting inside, hearing all these stories. I feel the rage festering in my stomach and burning through my limbs. This is not right! How could so many people turn a blind eye to this type of behavior? How have we made it okay and acceptable?
I can’t believe this is still