Living An Orgasmic Life. Xanet Pailet

talked to them about body image issues and sexuality. What surprised her most? “A lot more men feel a sense of shame or anxiety about their size, or an aspect of their performance, than I would have thought. What really moved me is how much that shame and inadequacy had bled into different parts of their life.”

      Internet pornography causes lots of cock shame. You have no idea how many men feel inadequate because they compare their completely normal size penis to the lengths and girths of porn stars. Men, the cocks in pornography are not normal! They are either digitally enhanced or are injected with drugs to induce an erection and increase engorgement. A 2015 study in the British Journal of Urological Surgeons reported that an average size erect penis is 5.1 inches in length and 4.6 inches in girth (circumference). A 6.5-inch penis is in the ninety-fifth percentile; most porn stars are in the ninety-ninth percentile of penis size! And the truth is that most women don’t really care about the size of a man’s cock, as long as he knows how to use it. In fact, a man with a smaller cock can have quite the advantage when it comes to giving a woman an internal G-spot orgasm with his penis if he learns how.

      Cock shame comes up for boys in many different circumstances as they are growing up. The proverbial locker room cock size comparison has done quite a number on many men. But the majority of cock shaming comes from women who complain about the size of their partner’s cock, or even worse, compare one cock to another.

      Cock Size Shame: Jim’s Story

      Jim was only twenty-nine years old, but was having erection problems. He was referred to me because he was considering having a penile implant, which should be unnecessary in a healthy twenty-nine-year-old man. What was really going on for Jim? In Jim’s last relationship, his girlfriend had complained about the size of his cock, saying he was smaller than other men she had been with. Jim started a regimen of useless supplements (they do not make the cock bigger), as well as a series of intense exercises to stretch his cock. He completely bought into the notion that his cock size was inadequate. This shame had a huge impact on him.

      When I first met him, he had low energy, his shoulders were bent over, and you could tell that he was carrying a big weight. He was struggling with school and his career. In one of our early sessions, we measured the size of his erect penis, and I showed him this chart indicating average penis size.

      Distribution of Penis Size from a sample of 15,000 Men

      Average erect penis is 5.16 inches (13.12 cm)

      I could literally see the weight lift from his shoulders as it dawned on him that his six-inch erect penis was way above average. By the end of the session he was standing tall and beginning to feel his own power. I also gave Jim lots of compliments about his cock.

      Ladies: Men Need to Hear Compliments about Their Cock

      Try some of these on:

      •You have a beautiful cock

      •I am so honored to touch your cock

      •I love the way your cock tastes and smells

      •I love your cock and the way it feels against my skin, in my mouth, in my pussy

      •Thank you for sharing your cock with me

      You have no idea how emotional men can get when they hear these compliments coming from you. Jim recently contacted me to thank me for the relaxation skills I taught him, which have been helpful in his new career in the adult film entertainment industry. He is definitely over his cock shame!

      Pussy Shame

      Women are certainly not immune from genital shame. Many women hate the look and smell of their vaginas. More so than men, many women have a really difficult time touching themselves, and a huge percentage have never looked at their own vaginas.

      My Vagina is Normal!: Annie’s Story

      It was a beautiful October day and I was enjoying a break between clients when my phone rang. A woman on the other end started crying the minute she heard my voice. It took a moment for me to realize that this was not a prank call but someone in real distress. Annie told me that she was scheduled to have labia plastic surgery in a week. She was having second thoughts and had read one of my blog posts begging women not to have the surgery. “I hate the way I look down there,” she said. “My lips hang down, I have all this flesh covering me. I don’t feel sexy and it turns off my partner.” In between sobs, she told me that she never touched her pussy with her hands and rubbed against a sheet to masturbate. “I don’t look like any of the women in the porn we watch!” she cried.

      When Annie came to see me, I shared with her the book Femalia by Joani Blank, which contains pictures of hundreds of vaginas, in all different shapes, colors, and sizes. She was shocked to see the variety of vaginas and even identified a few that were shaped like hers.4 We also read about “female genital anatomy types” from The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka: Teachings from the Nagual Tradition. Quodoushka is a Native American based sacred sexuality practice, much like Tantra. They have identified nine different female and male genital types, all of which are given animal names and powers (e.g., Wolf Woman, Deer Woman). According to the tradition, each type has its own set of characteristics: physical, emotional, temperament, sexual preferences, and orgasmic qualities.5 A big smile broke out on Annie’s face when she read the description of the Antelope Woman. “That’s me!” she exclaimed, relieved that her pussy was normal.