I know it’s tough. Sometimes you don’t think about it. Sometimes you think about it until it hurts. Those are feelings that you’re allowed to feel, so by all means, cry if you want to cry, or get angry for a second and throw a temper tantrum. That is totally fine. Anything after that, and you’ve given the thought too much attention. In some cases, you’ve just given thirty seconds more to your situation than your father ever will. That is too much time to waste on someone who doesn’t matter. No, it’s not wrong to say they don’t matter, and they don’t matter now because you didn’t matter then. Just don’t sit there and act like the universe had it out for you or the “Dad Fairy” didn’t decide to leave a father under a pillow. It didn’t go down like that.
As much as being a father is an honor and a privilege, as much as it’s probably the one thing where as a man, all we have to do is try in order to be loved and appreciated, it’s also an option, one that some men just aren’t ready for.
This is not your battle to fight. You must continue to be the woman you were destined to be in spite of all the hurdles life throws in your way, including this one. The most important thing is to remember that what doesn’t break you makes you stronger. This will be just another test that you turn into a testament of how you made it regardless. It will show you a woman can be a woman without a man’s help. Use the pain for a purpose. If the time ever comes when you two meet again, have as much forgiveness in your heart as you do pain. Understand that while he might have been able to be in your life sooner, if he had been, you wouldn’t be the woman you are today.
Dear Woman,
Life comes in threes:
Who gave you life. Who you bring into this life. And you.
The first two are usually the most talked about.
Maybe it’s because they usually last the longest,
or maybe it’s because society makes you think
that your life isn’t valid
unless you’re giving it to someone else.
Too many women spend too much
of their lives at a bus stop,
at the corner of the block where they grew up,
with everything they own,
everything they’ve learned,
crammed in three suitcases,
a book bag, and a cardboard box
with “fragile” written on every side.
Waiting.
Waiting to be picked up and taken away
by a knight in shining armor, like a damsel in distress,
like the last five-year-old to be picked up from school.
It’s time to get you off that corner.
If you can’t go home, go somewhere else,
and make it home.
Sit on your couch with your favorite book,
a glass of wine, and a candle.
Unbothered.
What good is giving your life to someone else,
if you haven’t even given it to yourself?
“If you’re engaged, turn the page.”
How old do you want to be when you get married? Twenty-eight, thirty, thirty-three? Yesterday? Why? Because somebody told you that’s what you’re “supposed” to do at that age? I’m telling you right now, don’t fall for it! Yes, marriage is cool, but you know what else sounds cool? Living your damn life. I know some people mature faster than others, and sometimes life puts us in situations where we need to do what’s best for our situations, not ourselves. So, if you’ve got one of those high school sweethearts that never turned sour, I get that. If you get pregnant (please, be careful) and you decide that it’s in the best interest of the child for the two of you to start a family, think about it again, and if you do decide to go through with it, I get that.
Right now, I’m talking to the woman who’s tired of getting wedding invitations and having to buy new dresses to go watch other women commit the rest of their lives to somebody. I’m talking to the woman who wants to hop on the next man with a nice smile and half a brain and ride him into the sunset of “marriage” because you’re tired of trying to find a guy who can text you back in a decent amount of time when you’re talking about something other than hooking up. This is for you.
Before you think about giving the rest of your life to someone else, ask yourself a couple questions. How many years have you given to you? How many years have you worked for yourself, on yourself, by yourself, with yourself? Let’s do some quick math here: As a woman, you spend roughly the first seventeen to eighteen years working for your parent(s), right? Everything including “wash this, clean that, move that, bring me this, don’t do that, be home at this time, you can’t wear that, you can’t go there, who is this and why are they at my door step,” plus a whole bunch of other rules, right?
Then your eighteenth birthday comes along and you are finally free —well, sort of. Many of you will go to college; some will enter the work force, and some will do a little of both. Either way, you’re going to finally begin to start making some of your own decisions and living your own life. Keep going.
These next few years, from eighteen to twenty-five, are crucial. This is when you start becoming your own woman. You’ll start figuring out what you like, what you don’t, who you like, and who you don’t. The good thing is, you’re well on your way. The not so good thing is your life isn’t really all yours yet. In college, you might not have your parents breathing down your neck, but college life isn’t a joke. You’ll have papers to write, homework to do, and parties to crash (not too many, though), and will probably be the most dating freedom you’ve had your whole life, especially if you had one of those moms that just had to meet every guy that wanted to take you to the movies or the dad who asks twenty-one questions to guys that even you don’t know the answers to yet. College is your first taste of freedom. Enjoy it.
If you decide to go straight into working from high school, your focus should be on saving up enough money to move as far away from your parents’ house as you can, but close enough to still be able to sleep in your old room if the weather is going to be bad or if you’re out of food. You’ll realize that you were probably better off staying there a little longer, because leaving the lights on all the time isn’t a big deal until YOU are the one paying the electric bill.
Once you’re out, enjoy it! This is your first taste of a little freedom; don’t let it go to your head or your heart. If you’ve just moved out of your parents’ house, don’t let only forty-five minutes go by until all of a sudden, you’re moving someone into yours. Your focus should be on your career, because either you’re at an entry level in your job or just getting started in your own business—either way, you’re in competition with people who are much older than you and much more experienced than you, and you have a lot to learn about yourself and your business. There aren’t enough hours in a day to be a student of school, a student of life, and a student of love all at the same time. You’re well on your way though, don’t stop now. Keep going.
“Your teenage years and early twenties should be dedicated to you figuring