In general, you should realize that you are no longer experiencing the stress of previous competitive existence and can afford to be more generous and benevolent in your endeavors. This is best expressed in the modulation of speech to convey the concern you have for other people and for their points of view. Even if you feel that your educational or life experience superiority places your opinion above that of another, treat the exuberance and brashness of someone junior to you with the same respect you would wish for yourself. Retirement should be a period of a newfound kindness, perhaps one you have never exhibited before. Remember that “goodness is its own reward” and it pays multiple dividends in advanced age. Speak softly, give advice to others and reap the respect you deserve.
FORGIVENESS
It has been suggested that maturity comes when one forgives one’s parents. You mature by forgiving the insults of childhood. In the course of a lifetime a person encounters many painful unpleasantries perpetrated by unthinking or uncaring individuals, some malicious, others unintended but just as hurtful. Over the years, resentments build up. If the insults come from those with sufficient authority to prevent adequate response, it is only natural that significant resentment will occur. If this happens with great frequency, resentment will increase to hatred. Many grow to hate those whom they should normally love or at least like or admire. These painful memories can fester for many years and sometimes transcend death. The pain is deepest when the perceived perpetrator is a person who should have been a protector and guardian against such afflictions. The frustration can build up to a point where the negativity overwhelms the personality and by ego projection the traits of mistrust and unpleasantness are felt by others. Behind every mean and nasty individual there is a story of mistreatment of some kind. Viciousness begets viciousness. This demands that the golden rule of treating everyone like you would like to be treated yourself should be the basis of civilized behavior. However, as we have all experienced, this is not always the case.
The relative tranquility of the retired state is the perfect time to reassess the inner disturbances of long-held feelings of anger and frustration and the desire for the now usually impossible retribution against those who we feel have wronged us. This is a time to forgive even that which we cannot forget and to rise above all the painful memories, to aspire to a level to which we could not ascend before.
Let us also recall that the last years are those that may take us closer to whatever maker we believe in. If there is a life hereafter, as many believe, let us not bring our hatred and animosities with us into whatever further existence awaits us. Let us clear our consciences of the venom of the unforgiving. Retirement should begin with a clean slate, unencumbered by the negativity of the past, to be that successful and truly happy period we all deserve.
SIMPLIFICATION
The best avenue to take to an easy transition into a retired state is the simplest one. Get rid of all the unnecessary accoutrements of what you have experienced previously. Reduce numerous homes to just one or two at most. Replace a large house with a smaller one which requires less upkeep. Reduce or totally eliminate house staff. Find ways to save on expenses. If you have to retire on a tight budget, make a list of all non-essential expenditures and stop making purchases you can no longer afford. Living within your means is the hallmark of adequate preparation and execution of retirement. Giving up unneeded luxuries is the price that needs to be paid for the freedom of a low-income retirement.
Hopefully, the readers of this book will heed the advice imparted herein and will not need to sacrifice at all, but be able to maintain the same standard of living or even better in retirement as before. This should be possible for a great majority of middle-income individuals who begin to implement the formulas outlined in this book at a relatively young age. Adequate preparation is the key to a carefree retirement.
ANATOMY
During the course of over forty years of listening to patients in psychotherapy and psychoanalysis sessions I have heard many people, both male and female, express displeasure with parts of their physical features as well as their emotional unhappiness. Many times the two are related. Coming to peace with who you are physically as well as mentally is an important prerequisite for the acceptance of retirement. Many, if not most, people wish that they looked better to themselves. The list of desired improvements is long. With aging, the list grows longer.
You must learn to accept yourself and a chosen partner as you are in totality, especially in a new environment where you might be called upon to spend more time together. With aging, the deficits we are unhappy with may become increased, calling for additional levels of adjustment.
My wife looks as good to me as some movie stars her age. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So are wrinkles, blemishes and deformities, which are usually magnified with the aging process. Hair is lost, muscles sag, skin droops and wrinkles—it all comes with the territory. Accept it and move on.
If you can afford to change some of it and you want to do this through cosmetic surgery or similar modalities like botox injections, go right ahead. However, you need to accept and live with the results. Make peace with who you are and with whom you live. This is of paramount importance during retirement when you have the extra time available to look at yourself in the mirror and at your partner.
SICKNESS
Serious illness is a threat to any retirement plan. While preexisting chronic disability can be adapted to, an acute attack that leads to longtime or permanent disability can be most disruptive. However, the effects even of such disastrous conditions can be mitigated with adequate planning. As is affordable, the best healthcare insurance, just like homeowners and automobile insurance, must be acquired to prevent financial and even legal difficulties. Greater specifics will be discussed in the financial planning section.
One of the events that cannot be foretold nor emotionally prepared for is the debilitating illness of a loved one. One can only be financially prepared with adequate insurance (long-term for chronic illness requiring nursing care) and if this is not affordable then be prepared to become a caregiver, which taxes any relationship. No effort should be spared in obtaining the best medical care.
As we age, we require routine medical supervision. Periodic medical checkups are advised, even in individuals with no symptoms of disease. In those cases with specific known illnesses, the proper specialist should be consulted, preferably one with experience in handling older patients. An example would be the consultation of an endocrinologist to outline the treatment for a patient with diabetes. Doctors who specialize in a specific area of medicine are usually more familiar with the latest advancements in their specialties and can make more knowledgeable recommendations than those who do not specialize. Ask your family physician to recommend a specialist or go online and check out the credentials of specialists in your area.
In cases of severe disease or where a serious treatment regimen is advised always get a second opinion. Physicians are not gods, although some act as if they are. They make mistakes and, when the stakes are high, never hesitate to seek out a second or even a third opinion as to the proper course of therapy. If cancer is suspected it might