Ask prospective agencies:
• About parent requirements (e.g. Sexual orientation, marriage status, religious background)
• About their application and pre-adoptive training requirements
• What types of children they place (e.g. Age, race, special needs, sibling groups, etc.)
• What subsidies might be available to you
• How they facilitate the adoptive parent/child match
• What post-placement services they can provide or refer for you
• What their fees are
• For references from several families with whom they have worked
Other adoptive parents can provide you with a wealth of information about specific agencies. Join an online discussion forum for adoptive parents and ask parents which agency they used and how their experience was. Some of the larger forums already have areas for prospective parents looking for agency recommendations.
Co-author Stephanie will never forget a visit she and her husband had with the director of an adoption agency that specializes in older child adoption, at his home. The man took the time to explain the adoption process, was honest about the challenges older adoptees face and the therapeutic services they may need and shared his own inspiring story about adopting a number of older children. One point he made about the need for adoptive parents of teens has stayed with Stephanie. He asked her and her husband to compare the amount of time they spent as children with the amount of time they have been adult children to their parents. Pointing out that time spent as an adult child is equal to, if not longer than, time spent as a child, he then asked in so many words—don’t you need your parents as much when you are an adult, albeit in different ways, as compared to when you were a child? His point was that teens, just as much as younger children, need the guidance of loving parents to see them through young adulthood and to love and support them all through life.
THE APPLICATION PROCESS
Some pre-adoptive parents feel they are being placed under a microscope. They wonder: “Why do I have to go through all this paperwork and preparation to become a parent, when people who are unprepared for parenthood can have children without any kind of evaluation?” Such feelings are understandable, especially when prospective adoptive parents have experienced the heartbreak of infertility or miscarriage. But there is another way of thinking about the situation: Adoptive parents receive guidance and preparation for parenthood that many biological parents never receive. They receive the support of adoption professionals and other adoptive parents. Engaging in the home study process affords adoptive parents time for introspection and time to think about their financial and emotional readiness for parenthood. This is support and preparation from which any parent would benefit.
A mother of four children adopted through her state’s public child welfare system had this advice for pre-adoptive parents beginning the application process: “Take your time. Expect that you will answer the same question many times over. Understand that the bureaucracy that surrounds you during this time is necessary and often helpful in making you take the time you should before making this life-changing decision.”
The next list illustrates major steps in the adoptive process, including common core elements of the application and pre-adoptive procedures. Paperwork and other requirements may vary by state, agency and your relationship to the child you want to adopt (i.e. relative caregivers or foster parents may already have completed some of the core requirements).
Steps to Expect
• Complete the agency’s common application form
• Submit completed tax returns, your marriage license (if applicable) and other identifying documents to the agency
• Complete a household budget
• Submit letters of recommendation from friends, family and or/employers
• Complete a criminal background check
• Get a physical and submit vaccination records for existing children
• Complete a self-study, which is generally a set of questions you answer about your personality, relationship with your spouse or partner, family, childhood and how you would parent your adopted older child
• Engage in a home study conducted by the agency which involves agency and home visits
• Complete any required training or reading
PRE-ADOPTIVE TRAINING AND EDUCATION
No one can obtain a degree in parenting, but there are many ways you can prepare for the role. Pre-adoptive parents of older children and teenagers need to be as ready as possible for parenting children who have experienced early adversity. Being prepared for the challenges of older child adoption may decrease your chances of experiencing adoption disruption, wrote the adoption expert David Brodzinsky for the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.15 Through agency training, independent learning and networking, pre-adoptive parents can ensure they know as much as possible about older child adoption.
It is important that you ask agencies you are interviewing what their training requirements are and how they approach adoptive parent preparation. Pre-adoptive training requirements vary by state. Your adoption agency may require you to attend a set number of training sessions at the agency and/or online as well as read several adoption-related books. Relative caregivers may be exempt from some training requirements or may be able to complete these requirements at a later time (almost all states require at least a criminal background check of relative caregivers, however) since they often have very short notice that the child is being placed in their care.
To be as prepared as possible for adoption, pre-adoptive parents should seek additional training and educational opportunities outside their agency, such as:
• Reading adoption-related websites and blogs
• Registering for online classes or webinars offered by nonprofit organizations
• Joining an adoptive parent support group
• Participating in one or more online discussion forums for adoptive parents (locate areas of the forum where people are discussing older child adoption)
We recommend the websites listed in the appendix for comprehensive and accurate information about domestic older child adoption. The list also includes organizations that offer training and education for prospective, pre-adoptive and adoptive parents.
THE MATCHING PROCESS
Before you find an agency, you can begin learning about waiting children through photo-listing sites. These sites feature children who are legally free for adoption and who are hard to place. On them you will find some information about the child’s interests, background and whether he or she is part of a sibling group. Often you can search for children that belong to a specific age or ethnic/racial group. If you are interested in learning more about a particular child, you will be asked to complete a form that is submitted to the photo-listing agency.
Private adoption organizations or agencies that have a regional or national focus may photo-list waiting children, as do many city, county and state child welfare agencies. When you submit an inquiry about a specific child in whom you are interested, you should receive a phone call shortly from the sponsoring agency which will explain the next steps you need to take to learn more about or meet the child.
Although federal laws have been passed to facilitate interstate adoptions, you may still experience challenges adopting a child from another state. For this reason it may be best for you to begin searching online for a child who has been photo-listed by a public or private agency in your state or region. In working with an agency or organization from another state or region, you may experience delays in getting responses to inquiries about specific children. If you are working with a local agency to complete your home study and other pre-adoptive requirements, your agency