At this point, the child has a working relationship with the circus character, but the archetype is more powerful than the child and has a life of its own. The more traumatized the child is—the deeper the split—the more overpowering the circus character, because its power is needed in response to the trauma. In fact, when the trauma reaches a state of shock and effectively severs the child’s soul or essence from running the show, the circus character completely takes over to the point of physiological changes.
Addiction is an example of how the autonomous complex (the part of the psyche that split off) can take control so that we cannot say no to it. Not, at least, until another, healthier adult (an aspect of the individual’s adult ego not severed from the essence or soul) is ready to replace the archetype as protector and companion to the “inner urchin.” We’ll talk more about addiction later in this book.
Ultimately, though, we need to separate the essential or “real” person from the introjects (qualities and beliefs from parents, priests, teachers, abusers, etc.) that one took on and eventually identified with; and in the same way, to separate the individual from the archetype, replacing it with the original essence that was always meant to guide the ego. To accomplish this, we need to return to the circus to find the characters someone identified with and to finally undo the original bargain. However, the circus that was so easy to find when we were children—when we were full of wonder, awe and imagination, and also desperate for protection—may not be so easy to find as an adult. So we use ritual ceremonies, symbols, fairy tales, dreams and intimacy with another human being to find it once more.
The circus characters with whom the trauma victim forms an alliance are really archetypes who can fulfill the victim’s needs that have arisen from the trauma: perhaps a sense of protection to allay existential fear, nurturance to soothe feelings of abandonment or proactivity to calm helplessness. This is why the circus character who is selected depends on the person, the trauma and the circumstance. Here are some examples of characters with whom a child may create this alliance:
THE BARKER
He reaches out with a hearty “Step right up,” calling passersby to come and “play the game.” He makes false promises, feeding the fantasies and hopes of family members. He is generally manipulative and not to be trusted. He knows how to tell “sweet little lies.” He’s the player who only loves you when he’s playing. People often buy what the barker is selling, only to leave the encounter disappointed, if not distraught. He knows that it is the sizzle that sells and, not having much steak to offer, may not pose an insurmountable obstacle to getting what he wants. Once you buy the ticket, he has turned his attention to the next opportunity.
THE FAT WOMAN
The Fat Woman eats and eats and eats some more, using all that fat to protect her from her emptiness within or from unwanted advances from men. She has found a perverse form of control in her life, a way to deny control to those who try to tell her what to do with her body. Perhaps her mother wants her to be thin and delicate like a ballet dancer or perhaps her father wants her to be tantalizing and sexy. She is creating a buffer from the truth, a shock absorber.
Frankie is a very overweight woman who is desperate to find answers for herself. She ran away to the circus and became the fat lady at a very young age. One reason for this is that she perceived her mother to be at the circus and it was the only place they could connect. So they hid together, cooking dinners, baking cookies and cakes and generally being the joyful fat ladies who loved to cook, eat and entertain others through food. Frankie presents herself as joyful, laughing and joking with others, and is a very sociable person in general. However, underneath, as is usually the case for the jovial fat person, we find a very depressed and self-deprecating woman with a lot of skills and talents that she herself does not recognize.
Frankie appears extremely uncomfortable in her own body and candidly will say that she would love to lose the weight but nothing has seemed to work for her.
When we rescued her from the circus so that she could begin to recognize her true feelings, she became aware of just how scared and empty she felt inside. There were so many messages from a very young age about how stupid she was, “Can’t you do anything right?” and “You’ll never amount to anything.” She felt shame and then she went immediately into shock, feeling numb and disconnected. We regressed her back to the source of the shame and she went back to being an infant, left alone in her crib with the bottle having fallen out of her mouth. No one comes; no one cares. There was scene after scene of being alone and hungry, then crying herself into oblivion.
This is a different type of abuse than many people experience. This is the abuse and trauma of severe neglect: a young baby with nobody there to care for her or to address her very simple need to survive. We call this need shock and we will discuss it later on. When basic survival needs are not addressed, the baby will often stop crying and just exist in a state of shock. The baby is quiet and has run away to the circus at this very young age, because staying in the real world is unbearable. This shock defense at such a young age is probably what kept her alive, but later on became a pattern that nearly killed her. And that is the irony of the shock defense. She eats herself into oblivion just to feel alive, in an attempt to meet these basic survival needs for comfort and to quench the overwhelming pain of deep emptiness and hunger within that she’s had since childhood. And now the obesity is killing her! What was a protector has become a saboteur.
THE TATTOOED MAN
He is covered in designs, which are distractions from seeing what is underneath; tattoos make him appear not to be naked. The tattoos are intricate designs, sometimes beautiful or sometimes scary, but always captivating. The tattoos are not really part of this man, although they seem to be. The tattoos are an elaborate, superficial disguise that says, “Go ahead and get lost in the anecdotes and minutiae of what I present to you; you’ll never know the real me, because I’m hiding behind a maze of mirrors.” The tattooed man decorates himself to attract others, and yet at the same time to deflect their attention.
THE MUSCLE MAN
He can guarantee safety because nobody messes with him. He is proud of his power and demonstrates it at every opportunity. In fact, he may tend to belittle others or bully them because it is a way of showing off. He spends an inordinate amount of time training and developing his power as well as trying to impress others with it. He always feels like he is competing with others and wants to be “one up” on everyone, belying an unacknowledged insecurity deep beneath the macho façade.
THE CONTORTIONIST
She can make herself small enough to fit into a tiny space. She is double-jointed, and will bend over backwards to accommodate someone else’s requests or demands. In fact, she bends in ways that most people won’t or can’t. Her strength is the agility to compromise like a chameleon.
THE SWORD SWALLOWER
He willingly takes into himself what is obviously self-injurious. He knows that he can withstand the assault as long as he stifles any natural reflex or reaction, disconnecting from his body in order to use it for performance.
THE MAGICIAN
He is a master of sleight of hand, able to mystify others with his razzle dazzle, diverting attention from his trickery that creates the illusions. He alludes to a connection with higher forces and access to supernatural gifts, but in fact employs cheap gimmicks and tawdry tricks. The magician sometimes falls into the trap of believing his own publicity, forgetting that he is merely mortal and entirely fallible.
THE RINGMASTER
She is in control of everything: all three rings at once. She is a master of multi-tasking and appears capable of managing the chaos all around her with ease.