“Mrs. Judson is united with me in this persuasion. We have signified our views and wishes to the Baptist Missionaries at Serampore, and expect to be baptized in this city next Lord’s day.
“A separation from my missionary brethren, and a dissolution of my connexion with the Board of Commissioners, seem to be necessary consequences. The Missionaries at Serampore are exerting themselves to the utmost of their ability, in managing and supporting their extensive and complicated mission.
“Under these circumstances, I look to you. Alone, in this foreign, heathen land, I make my appeal to those whom, with their permission, I will call my Baptist brethren in the United States.”
The Baptist Missionaries at Serampore had no agency in producing this change. Dr. Carey, in a letter to Dr. Staughton, dated Oct. 20, 1812, says:
“Since their arrival in Bengal, brother and sister Judson have been baptized. Judson has since that preached the best sermon upon Baptism that I ever heard on the subject, which we intend to print.* I yesterday heard that brother Rice had also fully made up his mind upon baptism.
“As none of us had conversed with brother Judson before he showed strong symptoms of a tendency towards believers’ baptism, I inquired of him what had occasioned the change. He told me, that on the voyage, he had thought much about the circumstance that he was coming to Serampore, where all were Baptists ; that he should, in all probability, have occasion to defend infant sprinkling among us ; and that in consequence, he set himself to examine into the grounds of Pedobaptism. This ended in a conviction, that it has no foundation in the Word of God, and occasioned a revolution in his sentiments, which was nearly complete before he arrived in India. He mentioned his doubts and convictions to Mrs. J. which operated to her conviction also, and they were both of them publicly baptized at Calcutta. I expect, however, that he will give the account of this change in an appendix to his sermon, which will, of course, be more correct than my statement.
“Brother Rice was, on the voyage, thought by our brethren to be the most obstinate friend of Pedobaptism of any of the Missionaries. I cannot tell what has led to this change of sentiment, nor had I any suspicion of it till one morning, when he came before I was up, to examine my Greek Testament ; from some questions which he asked that morning, I began to suspect that he was inquiring ; but I yesterday heard that he was decidedly on the side of believers’ baptism. I expect, therefore, that he will soon be baptized.”
These extracts have been made, for the purpose of silencing for ever the imputation of unworthy motives, which some persons have attributed to these Missionaries. If a change of opinion was ever made deliberately and conscientiously, it was this. Every possible motive but the fear of God and the love of truth, impelled them in the opposite direction. To this subject, we shall not have occasion to recur.
Some extracts will now be given from Mrs. J.’s journal, beginning a short time before her arrival at the Isle of France.* Several of the facts to which she refers, have been already mentioned ; but these statements of her feelings will be read with more convenience and interest in a connected series :
“Dec. 20. Have enjoyed religion very little, since I came on board this vessel, (on the passage from Bengal to the Isle of France). In secret prayer, I am so much troubled with vain and wandering thoughts, and have so little sense of the divine presence, and so little enjoyment of God, that I know I am making no advances, in preparation for usefulness among the heathen. Yet in my dullest frames, the idea of finding myself in the midst of them at last, encourages me to hope, that God will finally make me useful, in enlightening and saving some of their precious souls.
“22. This day closes the twenty-third year of my life. I have been reflecting on the many favours I have received, and the ingratitude of which I have been guilty the past year ; and my heart has been uncommonly affected by the review. In the course of the past year, I have assumed a new name, and new relative duties—left my father’s house, the circle of my dear friends, my beloved native land—and have been safely conducted across the ocean. In these events, I would acknowledge the kind hand of my heavenly Father. In changing my name, he has allowed me to take the name of one, who loves the cause of Christ, and makes the promotion of it the business of his life—one, who is, in every respect, the most calculated to make me happy and useful, of all the persons I have ever seen. I would also acknowledge the hand of God, in supporting me through the trying scene of leaving my friends, and in making my voyage so comfortable and happy. Nor has our heavenly Father forsaken us, in this part of the world, but has raised us up friends in a strange land, has preserved our lives ánd our health, in an uncongenial climate, has led us to examine the truths of his word, and given us clearer views, than ever before, of the ordinances of his house. He has afflicted us, it is true ; but many favourable circumstances are not to be forgotten. And he is now carrying us to a land, where we have some hope of finding a home for life. When again I reflect on the returns I have made for so much kindness my heart sinks within me. I feel, that I have misused all the favours and privileges I have enjoyed, and though never under so great obligation, was never so guilty, so unworthy, so unqualified to serve him. But I renewedly commend myself to his mercy, and implore him to forgive my sins, to cleanse my pollutions, and enable me henceforth to live to him, and to him alone.
“30. Very light winds for several days. Make slow progress. Shall probably arrive at the Isle of France, in the most dangerous season, when there are frequent hurricanes and storms on the coast. I have been trying to feel willing to die, at any time, and under any circumstances, that God shall appoint. But I find my nature shrinks from the idea of being shipwrecked and sunk amid the waves. This shows me how unlike I am to those holy martyrs, who rejoiced to meet death, in the most horrid forms. I have enjoyed religion but little on board this ship, feeling an uncommon degree of slothfulness and inactivity. Spent some time, last evening, in prayer for awakening and restoring grace. I greatly feel the need of more confidence in God, and reliance on the Saviour, that when danger and death approach, I may composedly resign myself into his hands, and cheerfully wait his will.
“Jan. 17, 1813. Have at last arrived in port; but O what news, what distressing news ! Harriet is dead. Harriet, my dear friend, ray earliest associate in the Mission, is no more. O death ! thou destroyer of domestic felicity, could not this wide world afford victims sufficient to satisfy thy cravings, without entering the family of a solitary few, whose comfort and happiness depended much on the society of each other ? Could not this infant mission be shielded from thy shafts? But thou hast only executed the commission of a higher power. Though thou hast come, clothed in thy usual garb, thou was sent by a kind Father to release his child from toil and pain. Be still, then, my heart, and know that God has done it. Just and right are thy ways, O thou King of Saints ! Who would not fear thee ? Who would not love thee ?
“18. Brother Newell has just been on board. Poor, disconsolate, broken hearted widower! He has borne his afflictions alone, without a single Christian friend to comfort his heart. His feelings allow him to give us a few broken hints only of Harriet’s death. Poor girl, she suffered much. She became a mother on board ship, where she was exposed to the wet weather, and took a cold, which terminated in consumption. She died tranquil and happy, longing for the hour of her release. And she is happy now—all her trials over—all her tears wiped away. She is gone, and I am left behind, still to endure the trials of a missionary life. O that this severe dispensation may be sanctified to my soul ; and may I be prepared to follow my dear departed sister !
“23. No prospect of remaining long on this island. It seems as if there was no resting place for me on earth. O when will my wanderings terminate ? When shall I find some little spot, that I can call my home, while in this world ? Yet I rejoice in all thy dealings, O my heavenly Father ; for thou dost support me under every trial, and enable me to lean on thee. Thou dost make me feel the sweetness of deriving comfort from thee, when worldly comforts fail. Thou dost not suffer me to sink down in despondency, but enablest me to look forward with joy, to a state of heavenly rest and happiness. There I shall have to wander no more,