The day after her baptism, she wrote to her parents a further account of the progress of their inquiries on the subject, and mentions some additional particulars :
“Mr. J. resolved to examine it candidly and prayerfully, let the result be what it would. No one in the mission family knew the state of his mind, as they never conversed with any of us on this subject. I was very fearful he would become a Baptist, and frequently suggested the unhappy consequences if he should. He always answered, that his duty compelled him to examine the subject, and he hoped he should have a disposition to embrace the truth, though he paid dear for it. I always took the Pedobaptists’ side in reasoning with him, although I was as doubtful of the truth of their system as he. After we came to Calcutta, he devoted his whole time to reading on this subject, having obtained the best authors on both sides. After having examined and re-examined the subject, in every way possible, and comparing the sentiments of both Baptists and Pedobaptists with the Scriptures, he was compelled, from a conviction of the truth, to embrace those of the former. I confined my attention almost entirely to the Scriptures, compared the Old with the New Testament, and tried to find something to favour infant baptism, but was convinced it had no foundation there. I examined the covenant of circumcision, and could see no reason for concluding that baptism was to be administered to children, because circumcision was. Thus, my dear parents and sisters, we are both confirmed Baptists, not because we wished to be, but because truth compelled us to be. A renunciation of our former sentiments has caused us more pain, than any thing which ever happened to us through our lives.”
Several extracts from her journal will more fully disclose her feelings at this time, and will show how reluctantly she came to the result :
“Aug. 10. Besides the trials occasioned by the orders of government, I see another heavy trial just coming upon me. Mr. J.’s mind has been for some time much exercised in regard to baptism. He has been lately examining the subject more closely. All his prejudices are in favour of Pedobaptism; but he wishes to know the truth, and be guided in the path of duty. If he should renounce his former sentiments, he must offend his friends at home, hazard his reputation, and, what is still more trying, be separated from his missionary associates.
“23. I have been much distressed the week past, in view of the probable separation between our missionary brethren and ourselves. Mr. J. feels convinced from Scripture, that he has never been baptized, and that he cannot conscientiously administer baptism to infants. This change of sentiment must necessarily produce a separation. As we are perfectly united with our brethren in every other respect, and are much attached to them, it is inexpressibly painful to leave them, and go alone to a separate station. But every sacrifice that duty requires, must be made. I do not myself feel satisfied on the subject of baptism, having never given it a thorough examination. But I see many difficulties in the Pedobaptist theory, and must acknowledge that the face of Scripture does favour the Baptist sentiments. I intend to persevere in examining the subject, and hope that I shall be disposed to embrace the truth, whatever it may be. It is painfully mortifying to my natural feelings, to think seriously of renouncing a system which I have been taught from infancy to believe and respect, and embrace one which I have been taught to despise. O that the Spirit of God may enlighten and direct my mind—may prevent my retaining an old error, or embracing a new one !
“Sept. 1. I have been examining the subject of baptism for some time past, and, contrary to my prejudices and my wishes, am compelled to believe, that believers’ baptism alone is found in Scripture. If ever I sought to know the truth ; if ever I looked up to the Father of lights ; if ever I gave up myself to the inspired word, I have done so during this investigation. And the result is, that, laying aside my former prejudices and systems, and fairly appealing to the Scriptures, I feel convinced that nothing really can be said in favour of infant baptism or sprinkling. We expect soon to be baptized. O may our hearts be prepared for that holy ordinance ! and as we are baptized into a profession of Christ, may we put on Christ, and walk worthy of the high vocation wherewith we are called. But in consequence of our performance of this duty, we must make some very painful sacrifices. We must be separated from our dear missionary associates, and labour alone in some isolated spot. We must expect to be treated with contempt, and cast off by many of our American friends—forfeit the character we have in our native land, and probably have to labour for our own support, wherever we are stationed. O, our heavenly Father, wilt thou be our friend. Wilt thou protect us, enable us to live to thy glory, and make us useful in some retired part of this eastern world, in leading a few precious souls to embrace that Saviour whom we love and desire to serve.
“5. Every week and day convinces me of the goodness and care of my Heavenly Father. When prospects are dark and gloomy, when my soul is cast down with distressing apprehensions, he leads me to feel my dependence on him, and lean on the bosom of Infinite Love. I am now willing to acquiesce in the divine dealings with us, and go alone with Mr. J. to that place which Providence shall direct. I feel confident that Jesus will go with us, and direct our steps; and in that case, it is of little consequence whether we have more or less society. When I consider how short my life will probably be, and how soon the eternal world will open to my view, I wonder at myself for having had so much anxiety about the place where, and the circumstances in which, I shall spend these few days. O for a true missionary spirit, and a willingness to suffer all things for the cause of Christ.
“Oct. 2. Have had an uncommon sense of divine things, for some time past, and found great consolation in committing all my concerns into the hands of a faithful God. For several days, ray mind has been so much impressed with the goodnes of God, that I could not help repeating to myself, How good is God ! O for such an habitual sense of his moral perfections as banishes all anxiety and distrust !
“Nov. 1, Sabbath. Another opportunity of celebrating the love of Jesus at his table. It has been a sweet season to my soul, a season of renewed dedication of myself to his service. I never saw a more striking display of the love of God, than was manifested in those who came around the communion table, and who have been emphatically called from the highways and hedges—Hindoos and Portuguese, Armenians and Musselmans, could join with Europeans and Americans, in commemorating the dying love of Jesus. Surely nothing but divine grace could have removed prejudices, early and inveterate, from the minds of these different characters, and united them in the same sentiments and pursuits.
“Brother Rice was this day baptized. He has been examining the subject for some time, and finally became convinced that it was his duty to be baptized in Christ’s appointed way. I consider it a singular favour, that God has given us one of our brethren to be our companion in travels, our associate and fellow-labourer in missionary work.”
Mr. Judson, in a letter to Dr. Bolles, of Salem, dated Calcutta, Sept. 1, 1812, says:
“Within a few months, I have experienced an entire change of sentiments on the subject of Baptism. My