Much like the communion of saints, there is a whole community of Catholic working mothers out there who are walking a similar path, and it is out of their collective wisdom and sharing of experiences that this book was born.
I’ll talk more in depth about finding your community in chapter 11. But for now, let me reiterate: You are not alone.
Chapter 2
Our Sisters, the Saints
I’m the daughter of a working mother. My mother was, and still is, a teacher, and many times during my childhood she was the sole breadwinner for our family. Most of my female relatives work outside the home, and many of my elementary school teachers were working mothers.
I wasn’t raised Catholic, and working mothers were not unusual in the Protestant denomination I grew up in. As a child, I knew that some of my classmates had mothers who didn’t work outside the home, but my experience was such that I viewed SAHMs as the exception, not the norm.
Imagine my confusion, as a fairly new Catholic convert and new working mother, when I first encountered fellow Catholics who firmly believed that the teaching of the Catholic Church was that mothers shouldn’t work outside the home as a general rule. They believed that there may be extreme cases in which a mother who was widowed (or worse, divorced or unmarried) might need to work, but that those cases needed to be few and far between, and that the woman needed to find herself a Catholic husband as soon as possible so she could quit her job and raise her children.
Is this an accurate reflection of what the Church taught or teaches about working mothers?
Well, sort of … but not really.
The Church does teach that a father is obligated to support his family … but it doesn’t teach that only the father may or should support the family.
The Church does teach that a father should not force or pressure his wife to work outside the home, or expect that she will without discussing it with her … but it doesn’t teach that a wife must never work outside the home except in “extraordinary” circumstances, or must never desire to work outside the home.
The Church does teach that a mother should keep up a good home and raise her children properly … but it doesn’t teach that a mother can only do this if she doesn’t work outside the home.
The Church does teach that greed or selfishness should not cause parents to neglect their children … but it doesn’t teach that a mother who works does so due to motives of greed or selfishness.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church and papal encyclicals throughout history are great resources on the subject of working mothers. However, what I find most compelling in regard to this discussion is the lives of the saints, whom we are encouraged to emulate in our own lives.
Several biblical figures and saints were working mothers. They may not have been “working” in the sense that we know it today, where a mother typically leaves the house in the morning, works in an external location, and returns home every evening, but they worked nonetheless.
For instance, the woman described in Proverbs 31 had several occupations — even reading that chapter makes me tired! She “seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands” (31:13). She "considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard” (31:14). She “puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle” (31:19). She “opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy” (31:20). She “makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers girdles to the merchant” (31:24). All that, and she looks to the needs of her household, including managing a staff of servants!
Priscilla and Lydia, two women mentioned in the New Testament, also may have been working mothers, although this is not explicitly stated. Priscilla was married to Aquila, and they worked together as tent-makers. Later, they traveled with the Apostle Paul. We don’t know if they had children, but I have found at least one icon that features Priscilla and Aquila as parents.2
“My job doesn’t interfere with my vocation, it wonderfully ties into and supports it. In the same way, my husband’s job supports his vocation of fatherhood. He makes sure it doesn’t get in the way by keeping strict working hours and setting limits with his bosses so they know that he won’t sell his soul and all of his waking hours to the office. His vocation of fatherhood is equally important to mine of motherhood. Yes, they look different, but this isn’t a concern that only occurs with working mothers. It just isn’t.”
— Amy G.
Lydia was a seller of purple cloth. It is speculated that Lydia was a widow, indicated by the fact that she was able to invite strangers — and strange men, at that — to reside in her home, a freedom unheard of for a single or currently married woman at that time. The Bible mentions that she had her “entire household” baptized — a household that may have included her own children (cf. Acts 16:14–15).
The communion of canonized saints also counts several working mothers among its number. One whom I only recently learned about is Saint Frances of Rome. An excellent patroness for the reluctant working woman, her dearest desire was to devote herself to religious life. However, her father commanded her to marry instead, and after a long interior struggle, she submitted her life to God’s will. She and her husband had several children, and in addition to managing her household, she devoted herself to charitable work — including running a hospital for the poor.
“We cannot ‘cookie-cutter’ every mom into 24/7 SAHMs, if working is what helps their husband — (and their entire family) — to pay the bills/save/whatever. It is a very hard struggle for some in ministry, clerical, or lay. And so we gently witness that God made us all differently, and our families to function differently, than some ‘ideal.’”
— Naomi B.
Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton converted to Catholicism after being widowed. Although she was the sole caretaker for her five children, she founded a school and a religious order. The order “made provisions for Elizabeth to continue raising her children” while she worked as a teacher.3
One of my favorite saints is Saint Zélie Martin, mother of Saint Thérèse of Lisieux. In addition to being a faithful Catholic wife and mother, she was also a working professional. Before her marriage, she learned the craft of lace-making, and she was so talented in her field that she started her own business. Her clientele and reputation grew to the point that her husband, who had been a watchmaker, elected to leave his own business in order to join his wife’s!
Saint Zélie was an amazing example of a working mother. Per the Carmelite Sisters in Ireland:
That same year [1870] Louis sold his business to his nephew so that he could help Zélie with hers. He had already taken over the bookkeeping and was now free to travel to obtain orders. Zélie had fifteen women working for her in their own homes, and every Thursday they brought her the work they had done and received the cotton and their instructions for the next week. Zélie assembled the pieces that they brought to her. She often worked late into the night as she always gave time to her children when they needed it and she wrote many letters especially to her two eldest daughters when they were in boarding school.4
Note that Zélie not only placed her elder daughters in boarding school, but she also gave over the care of her youngest daughter to a nurse for the first eighteen months of her life, per the Society of the Little Flower:
Due to Thérèse’s weak and frail condition at birth, she was taken care of by a nurse for her first year and a half. Because of this care, she became a lively, mischievous, and self-confident child.5
Given that all five of Zélie’s surviving daughters eventually entered religious