The problem occurs when we put too much of our focus on the tool itself, when we become so attached to it that our lives become twisted and burdensome. The problem isn’t the technology; the problem is the attachment we have to technology. This attachment is what needs to go, which requires that an individual have an actual desire to get rid of that attachment. If you do not have that desire, then this book will do nothing for you.
It is this attachment to technology that we will carry with us during these next twenty-one days and cast into the abyss. In other words, we won’t sacrifice the good stuff that technology provides, but we will sacrifice its negative effects. Then we will be able to realize the potential of our personal excellence, which has its origin and final destination in full participation in the glory of Christ.
Jesus tells us, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (Jn 10:10). The thief that has come to steal and kill your soul is your phone. Detachment from your phone, then, is the first step toward living a life of happiness and holiness — a life of true abundance.
How This Retreat Works
Over the course of the next three weeks, you will be asked to read, reflect, and occasionally take action. The first two days are the most labor-intensive, as they involve the necessary scheduling and purging components of the retreat. During each day, you will spend time reading a meditation and reflecting on how technology fits into God’s will for your life. Some days will take more time than others, but all have been designed to help you gradually strengthen your personal and spiritual life while decreasing the minutes you spend on your phone.
I’ve also created several free resources to help you as you make your retreat. At detachedlife.com you’ll find tools including monitoring apps, instructions on how to remove apps and push notifications, social media overlays (to let your friends know you are on retreat), other tech detachment tips, interviews, and more.
I am thrilled that you have taken this first step toward detaching from your phone. May the next twenty-one days bear much fruit for your soul. I will be praying for you.
Day 1
The System: Preparing to Detach
The goal of purging from your digital life is to install the systems that will guide you away from phone distractions toward actions that will make you truly happy. Although technology offers limitless ways to grow in happiness, you must first fortify your will through discipline if you want to achieve the highest possible degree of joy. You will only arrive at this level by developing the ability to deny yourself, take up your cross (or, in this case, your phone), and follow Jesus.
Trust me on this. I’ve read all the self-help books, completed all the social media fasts, deleted all the apps (and then downloaded them again), I’ve even downsized from smartphone to non-smartphone for a time in an effort to curb my technology addictions. While all of those certainly had positive effects, it was in the beauty and mystery of the Catholic faith that my technology addictions were finally kept at bay. I didn’t need a twelve-step program or a digital detox retreat in the middle of the forest, miles away from a Wi-Fi signal. All I needed was the wisdom of Christendom which, for more than two thousand years, has taught us how to detach ourselves from worldly desires.
This book will systemically guide you through the wisdom of Mother Church. It will reveal to you what you are dealing with, what God wants from you, and what life can be like if you are willing to battle against the enemy of distraction and resist the temptation to use your phone in ways that do not advance sanctity.
As Christians, we’ve already been given countless lessons on how to detach ourselves from worldly desires. Every Gospel reading calls us to communion with Christ and not the worldly desires that tempt us; every Lent we sacrifice time, talent, and treasure as we await the joy of Easter; and every Advent we practice patience as we prepare our souls to receive the Christ Child on Christmas Day.
All of this “basic training” is built into our Christian lives. However, like a trained soldier going to war for the first time, we must dig ourselves a trench and hunker down. Before we can advance toward the goal of full detachment, we must learn to defend our interior castle by establishing a battle plan.
Here’s what I recommend.
Evaluate Your Daily Schedule
The first step in the purge process is to take a close look at how you spend your days. This may seem like a trivial — or perhaps overwhelming — step, but it is a deeply important one for you to truly benefit from these twenty-one days.
Our habits define who we are. The amount of time we dedicate to our activities shows how much we love and value those things. Time and habits go hand in hand. Many people have good habits that help them achieve the happiness and holiness they desire. They have a consistent prayer life, spend time with loved ones, and enjoy hobbies and work because they have allotted the appropriate amount of time to those particular activities.
However, for many of us, our time and habits aren’t always a perfect match. We tend to give more time to bad habits such as social media, gaming, online shopping, etc., than to the things that actually provide us with fulfillment. We see our holiness and our screen time like star-crossed lovers destined to be together at some point, but never knowing just how the two could coexist because we are unwilling to give up screen time in order to pursue God. Time and habits must first agree upon their final end, which is holiness, before they can be of any use to the other. So we must purge all that keeps the two from living a healthy relationship with each other.
The best way to achieve this harmony is to arrange your day based on your priorities. When family, friends, work, hobbies, and basic needs are given the proper amount of time needed to help you thrive, your habits become solidified into virtue and you are more able to love and be loved by others and by God. You become more closely connected to God, who provides you with clarity in your decision-making. Scheduling actually frees up time for yourself and others by eliminating everything that wastes your time. You then learn the value of every second of your day and are thus able to pray, work, rest, and enjoy life as it was meant to be enjoyed.
The Bible tells us that our God is a God “of peace” (1 Cor 14:33). As such we must organize our lives if we aspire to become one with him. Life is a gift from God, and you have the responsibility of living it to its fullest so that it will bear fruit for his kingdom. The first step is to carefully evaluate your daily schedule.
Creating a Daily Schedule
This may sound completely overwhelming — you have too many moving pieces in your day, there are too many unknown variables when you get up in the morning. Trust me, I know. At one point in my life I had four children five years old or younger, worked a full-time job, and somehow managed to find time to pursue a master’s degree. Was I able to keep a schedule then? Not successfully, but at least I had the intention to place each of those nonnegotiable parts of my life into something that resembled order. I encourage you to give some thought to what you would like your days to look like, insofar as you can control them. The next twenty-one days will bear much more fruit if you do.
On a piece of paper, sketch out your day and break it into specific blocks of time. There are three steps to prioritizing your daily schedule effectively.
First, figure out which tasks need to be included in your day and which extras you want to include. Your priority list will be made up of both what you want to do and what you need to do.
Then, decide how much time you need to complete your daily tasks for each of your priorities, starting with the things you need to do. Many things on your list will take set blocks of time to complete, such as work, exercise, etc. However, many other priorities, such as reading a book or spending time with friends, will work on a sliding scale. You will want to factor those times into your schedule so that they